Piper Halliwell quotes from Charmed

Phoebe

Okay, how?

Piper

I don't know! Get in touch with your inner fish!

Leo

Yep, a demon chased her home.

Piper

Well that was nice of him.

Piper

Shh! Pheobe's doing a news report in there!

Paige

In the bathroom?

Piper

This is not raging hormones talking! This is a very special baby, with very special needs, and I need someone pretty damn special to help me figure it out. And when I say now, I mean now!

Grams

Piper!

Piper

Thank you.

Leo

Don't thank me, I didn't do anything.

Grams

What am I doing here? And corporeal to boot.

Piper

What do you mean, didn't you come on your own power?

Grams

Honey, I'm good, but I'm not that good!

When's her prince getting here?

Piper

She doesn't have a prince.

No prince? So then who's going to kiss her?

I'll do it.

In your dreams Stinky. I'll do it.

I told you not to call me that.

People. A little professional decorum here please. Forgive them, it's been a while.

Leo

I'm sure that it's just all this arguing that's got the baby upset.

Piper

Leo, the baby is an inch long. All this arguing is upsetting the mommy!

Cole

What? I knocked.

Piper

Doors. People use doors.

Cole

Whoa, what was that?

Piper

Hey, how did you do that?

Leo

I don't know but I'm feeling really nauseous.

Piper

Oh, god, and I'm not. Wait, how, why... Why does he have my pregnancy symptoms?

Cole

Wait, w-wait, you're pregnant?

Piper

Well, I was. But, now I think Leo is.

Cole

Huh?

Leo

You know, you're a pretty good whitelighter.

Piper

I learned from the best.

Leo

Hey I'm not nauseous anymore.

Piper

Hey I am! Wait, that's not good news…

Leo

What about your powers?

Piper

Very nice!

Piper

Maybe the baby thought that fireworks were prettier than demon guts.

Paige

Abracadabra!

Phoebe

Nice job!

Piper

You did all that with abracadabra?

Paige

Nah, I used a spell. I just always wanted to say that

Leo

Oh God, not the crying thing.

Piper

[tearfully] Leo, I have growing powers inside of me, powers that I do not understand and the only person who does understand never has time to talk, add that to raging hormones and I guarantee you I am absolutely entitled to do the crying thing.

Leo

P3's still doing great.

Piper

Not as great as it used to be, thanks to me.

Leo

Well, Piper, you're having a baby. Your priorities have changed.

Piper

Yeah, well, haven't you heard? Women can have careers and babies now. It's been in all the papers.

Leo

Well, are those women trying to save the world from demons too?

Paige

Having sex.

Piper

Oh!

Paige

See this is why I don't want to talk to you about this, it's weird talking to a pregnant lady about sex anyway.

Piper

Well, Paige, how do you think I got pregnant.

Paige

Urgh, I don't want to know that either.

Paige

I think I'm so busy protecting this big ol' secret of ours I guess I can't really let my guard down. How'd you do it?

Piper

Marry an angel.