What is this jibber jabber?
That wouldn't be jibber jabber, Your Honor, that's a gun.
S2 E23Race Ipsa
Canada, Japan, England. Any number of those pinko countries, I'd be in jail for shooting somebody.
God bless America.
BBrad
I was wondering if I could join you and Denny on the balcony sometime. Just trying to diversify my life with some male bonding and I was wondering...you know.
Brad, any gathering of three or more men always seems like a team to me, and I've never been much of a team player, so if you're going to show count me out. [pauses] Was there something specific you'd like to talk about?
BBrad
Are you a good kisser?
JRJudge Robert Sanders
I've had enough of all this. Mr. Crane, you've had no excuse to be carrying a gun.
2nd Amendment. Founding Fathers. You probably knew them.
Don't fall for her, Alan. She's just a guest star.
God, the last time I saw you...
I believe it was a Sunday. Then I was taken off the air, you went off to do movies, I got switched to Tuesdays and...
Here we are...with old footage.
(to Alan) I think I have enough probable cause, Mr. Shoup. The victim is in the hospital.
Actually, your honor, since our last get together, I've changed my name from Shoup to Shore. I figured since it's on my birth certificate and driver's license, not to mention the pleadings before you, though I never expect you to read the pleadings because of their (with Judge Sanders) Jibber Jabber.
S2 E24Deep End of the Poole
VVivian
Did you see the calorie count? Were you able to perform basic math?
PPhil
I was addicted, Thin Mint!
All right...
VVivian
Let the record reflect that he called me FOOD - a cookie, no less.
Mr. Shore! The court instructed you not to poop!
Mr. Shore, I hope one day to speak at your funeral.
Are we setting a bad example? I shoot people.
I bribe them.
We drink.
We smoke.
I'm unfaithful.
Not to me.
Never to you.
We're not setting examples. We're just being true to who we are.
Who are we?
Denny Crane.
Alan Shore.
Leaders of men.
With bull's eyes on our asses.
[Talking about Alan at the hearing]
Yes your honor, he gets me off, I get him off.
We're flamingos.
Don't ask, don't tell.
(To Alan) I don't think I've ever seen you this nervous, except for night terrors, clowns and word salad.
(Closing Argument) Who the hell are we kidding? Defense Attorneys make their living helping their clients get away with murder. We put rapists back on the streets knowing they're gonna rape again. Let's not pretend that we don't aid and abet crime. But the key is: Make sure we cover our asses. Defense attorneys do that better than anybody. Now, Alan Shore covered his. He knew he couldn't legally advise Mr. Mkeba to run, and he expressly told him he couldn't give him such advice. Did Mr. Mkeba get the message anyway? Sure, but technically, Alan Shore didn't break the law. Ass covered, over and out. Not guilty, simple as that. Oh, and here's another thing about asses: (Turns to District Attorney Kupfer) Not you, we'll get to you in a second. If you have a lot of success against the D.A.'s office, and Alan Shore's had a lot. Especially against this putz, beats him every time.
Objection.
Sustained. Mr. Crane.
I'm sorry, Your Honor. Too much success, and eventually, you get a giant bullseye painted on your bottom. (Pulls down pants, revealing bullseye painted on his boxers)
Objection!
Sustained! Mr. Crane!
I'm just trying to make a point, your honor. (To jury) Alan Shore, was the target. He has a bigger bullseye on his ass than I have on mine. And this man, Douglas Kupfer, is aiming for it! He said he wanted to stab him. That's subtle. There's a vendetta. He wants my client, anyway he can get him, and that's the only reason we're here. Reasonable doubt? You all know that. Last name Crane. First name Denny. Not Guilty! Over and out.
Silence! Mr. Shore, you are the defendent! I don't want to hear another poop out of you! How do you plea?
Not guilty by reason of the District Attorney's insanity.
Alright, we'll set-That's not a real plea!
Not guilty then.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Boston Legal pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.