Boston Legal quotes

Shirley

[looking around the courtroom] The District Attorney's here.

Alan

Scott Bodner. Politicians are drawn to cameras like flies are drawn to...

Shirley

Politicians.

Shirley

If I agree to help you, one condition. I assume during the course of this case 'breasts' will be referred to in many colorful ways.

Alan

One would hope.

Shirley

Personally, however, I don't ever want to hear them referred to as 'hooters'. I hate that word. Oh, and this is a little off-topic, but I hate the word 'underpants', too.

Alan

If I can have your breasts, I promise not to say 'hooters'.

Shirley

Thank you, Alan.

Alan

Now, as for underpants, if you promise not to wear an...

Shirley

[interrupting] Goodbye, Alan.

Denny

Daniel!

Denny!

Denny

Lookin' good.

Thank you. You wanna come to my funeral?

Denny

Oh, funerals are sad.

Well, this one'll be fun.

Denny

Count me in!

Tomorrow night.

Denny

No can do, busy... Rain check?

[pauses] ...Absolutely.

Denny

[nods to Denise] He's a keeper! [walks off]

Denny's great.

Yep.

He doesn't hear a thing anyone says, does he?

Nope.

Garrett

This is my office.

Catherine

Oh, I needed a base of operations for my sandwich cart business.

Garrett

But... I...

Catherine

You're a first year, right? [Garrett nods yes] Well, it goes like this: named partner, senior partner, junior partner, senior associates, sandwich lady, xerox guy, janitor, first years.

Denny

I heard there were two hundred women, that's four hundred breasts, and you kept them all to yourself!

Alan

Oh, look, it's me!

Denny

I can see that. You were there, in a sea of breasts, and you didn't invite me!

Alan

Oddly, this was one of my fantasies... And the chilly weather is certainly an added bonus.

Alan

I need your boobs.

Shirley

OK...but have them home by 11.

Alan

I suppose coming to a lawyer's office can't be much fun.

Actually, everyone seems friendly here.

Alan

Well, they're given an unlimited supply of donuts.

I had a hard time trying to find you. I called Cruthers, Abbott…

Alan

Oh, I was fired. Embezzlement.

Then I tried Young, Frutt and Berultti.

Alan

Oh, yes. That ended badly.

And here you are at Crane, Poole and Schmidt.

Alan

For now.

I need your help. You always said I could come to you for anything.

Alan

I meant sexually.

Denny Crane

Brad's the best. I just made him partner.

Denny, I want reassurance.

Denny Crane

The man served in the Gulf War. The one that turned out okay. He was top of his class at West Point and Harvard Law School. I'd put my own life in his hands.

Shirley

Denise, I understand you're going through some difficulties in your personal life.

It's hard, but I'll get through it.

Shirley

From what I know about you, when things get tough you prefer to bury yourself in your work. Allow me to provide you with a shovel.

Denny Crane

Bev will be happy which makes me happy, which makes you happy. So really, Brad, you're doing this to make you happy.

Alan Shore

Let me tell you two things about myself. I too am a lawyer, I can be painfully vindictive, and I do not play fair.

That's three things.

Alan Shore

See? Not playing fair already. And I'm just getting started.