Bones · Season 4
Mr. Vaziri, do you have the x-rays?
Yes. I have never seen so many foreign objects in human remains. Arrows, marbles, jacks, various coins and cutlery. My best guess is that a nuclear explosion occurred just as the victim entered a 99 cent store.
They keep track of sexual conquests by putting stars on the wall?
It's emotionally stunted.
Guys, it's a college fraternity.
They seem like really terrible people.
They're college kids, okay? It's their job description to be bad. It's what they do.
Yeah, but still. It's a community of young men mutually supporting bad decisions.
Look, these kids, they go out into the world. They're alone, they have no supervision, they have to be bad. It's just in order to figure out what it is. It's a scientific fact that their frontal lobes are the size of raisins.
No, that is not a scientific fact.
What they've got to do is build their frontal lobes with exercise, and that comes from doing the wrong thing.
Okay, so you're theory is that they've got to be bad to be good.
Exactly. It's the facts of life, my friend. Okay, so whats transmissions did you get from the brothers?
Booth, he is not a radio.
Well, he kind of is. That's why I brought him along, Bones.
What I did observe, using my eyes and my training, is that these two frat brothers weren't actually upset about Beaver's death.
How do you know?
Well, real grief comes and goes in waves. These guys had their face set in sadness the whole time. They were lying.
I believe you're just guessing.
Okay, fine. I'm just a magic eight ball. [walks away]
I think you hurt his feelings.
[incredulous] Did you believe him?
I am saying no to this experiment.
Yeah, I got that after the part where you said no seven times in a row.
I find that you don't pay attention to the first six.
What are you going to do?
Something personal.
What is it?
Personal. Personal means personal. You know, not for the public.
I'm not the public!
Jared wants me to go to India with him.
Indiana?
India, okay? Taj Mahal, cows, tigers, cobras, Slumdog Millionaire.
I know. Are you going?
We don't like each other.
So, not going?
Well, he's my brother. I still love him.
I'm confused. You are going?
Jared should not go to India alone. He'll get in all kinds of trouble.
You said he's never been alone.
Exactly! He'll be eaten alive.
If you go with him, then he won't be alone. You won't let him be bad and his frontal lobe always be the size of a raisin. That's what you said. It makes no scientific sense.
Yeah. Got it.
Greg Harmalard? The... The guy who organized the bonfire?
Yeah, Molly's boyfriend, he's in ROTC.
They like shooting things.
So, um, do you... do you really think you have to be bad to be good?
Yeah, I do.
Well, I've never done anything "bad".
[nods] I believe you.
I mean, I've made mistakes, of course, but I've never purposely done anything bad.
And I believe you.
I don't want my frontal lobe to be a dried-up raisin.
[smiles in bemusement, grins and turns to Brennan] You know what, we're gonna do something bad now.
[mischievously] What?
[grins] Have you ever dined and dashed? You know the concept, right? We're gonna run outta here without paying the bill.
No, that's stealing.
That's why they call it bad. Are you ready...
No I can't...really? No....are you serious??? [grins excitedly as Booth prepares to run] Oh my god!
It's quite simple. Whatever Agent Booth says, you respond with whatever word or phrase pops into your head, and vice versa.
[...]
The point of the exercise is not to explain, but to respond. Okay? Children can do this.
Because it's childish.
Can we just try it, please?
[...]
Hunger.
Sex.
Whoa.
Horse.
Cowboy.
Child.
Baby.
Booth.
What, do you think I'm a baby?
You're a father.
Oh. Mother.
Birth.
Happy.
Sperm.
Sperm, isn't this kind of weird?
No, keep going.
Ok. Egg.
I want a baby.
Whoa!
Horse.
Brennan, this is crazy.
Why? I'm intellectually gifted, financially secure. Statistically, I could expect to have an exceptional child.
Fine. Yes. Absolutely. But do know how this is supposed to work, right?... You get naked together. You devour each other in a passionate frenzy.
Booth would think that would create an emotional bond between us.
[sarcastic] Of course that's ridiculous.
I knew you'd understand.
Then why use Booth at all? Why don't you use Fisher ... and his discount sperm?
No, Booth has a bigger mandible and a more prominent zygomatic than Fisher, as well as a more pronounced ratio between the width of his clavicles and his ilia.
So, it's because Booth is hot? Now we're getting somewhere.
I'm just donating.
So you decided?
No, no. I am deciding. I-N-G.
I know you, Seeley. You're going do it. You want to do it. You're not really doing it, but it's still doing it, even if you're not doing it the way it should be done.
She wants a kid, okay? It'll make her more personable with people.
And what will it do for you?
She'll get what she wanted!
A piece of you?
[Booth is alone at the sperm bank when Stewie Griffin from Family Guy appears on a TV]
Why are you here at the bank, Booth?
[startled] AH!
You've got a hot doctor friend. Go to her and make a direct deposit like a man!
[Booth turns off the TV]
[to himself] That's impossible.
[The TV suddenly turns itself back on]
And yet we converse.
[Yelps and backs himself up against a wall]
[looking at some magazines on a table] Ooh, look! A pile of porn! Delicious! Give me a peek, Booth. Mmm? Just a little peek at a booby? Please?
[Booth unplugs the television and the screen goes black again. As he turns around, the TV turns itself on again.]
What's your problem? You're threatened by a cute, harmless baby? Grow a set! You do want her to have your baby, don't you?
Of course I do, it's just... I want her to have a baby because it's what she wants.
And you could just walk away like a heartless cad while she changes poo all by her lonesome?
It's what she wants!
[speaking from outside the room] Are you okay in there, Mr. Booth?
Uh, I'm fine. Just, uh, fine, thank you. [to Stewie] Listen, could you just go away now, okay? I don't need your help.
You know, you're not a bad looking fellow, and if you'd just keep an open mind...
Go back to cartoon land, wherever you came from. Leave!
You sure? I'm good at pretend games.
[Booth uses the remote control to turn the TV off.]
[Shakes his head] That wasn't possible.
But right now I'm more interested in whether you decided to inseminate Doctor Brennan.
God, you know, don't say it like that.
I'm sorry. I'm interested in whether you decided to provide your semen for her fertilization.
Saying it like that is worse.
Okay, well I could go with baby daddy.
So are you going to let her have this baby alone?
I didn't say that.
You are! You're going to abandon your child! Oh night's deepest gloom washes over my tiny frame.
No. No. No. I can't walk away. I never said that! Okay? Do you understand? I can't walk away! This is my kid! If I can't be involved I don't want her to have the baby!
And the sun shines again. Good man, Boothy.
Fisher, have you ever just taken a moment to forget yourself, watch like The Three Stooges and just laugh?
Yeah, I never found humor in grown men giving each other concussions with construction equipment.
[To Hodgins] I try.
People say you only live once. But people are as wrong about that as they are about everything. On the darkest moment before dawn, a woman returns to her bed. What life is she living? Is the same life this woman was living half an hour ago? A day ago? A year ago? [cuts to Booth] Who is this man? Do they lead separate lives or is it a single life shared? ... A storm approaches. It is still over the horizon, but there is lightning in the air. Are either of them aware of the gathering turbulence? Can they feel the crackle of electricity in the wind or are they aware of only the power they generate between themselves?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Bones pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
