Duke of Wellington quotes from Blackadder

Duke of Wellington

Have I the honour of addressing the Prince Regent, sir?

You do.

Duke of Wellington

Congratulations, Your Highness. Your bearing is far more noble than I had been informed. [to Prince George] Take my hat at once, sir, unless you wish to feel my boot in your throat, and be quicker about it than you were with the door!

Yes, my lord.

Duke of Wellington

[smacks him on the back of the head] I'm a duke, not a lord! Where were you trained, a dago dancing class? Shall I have my people thrash him for you, Highness?

Uh, no. He's very new. At the moment, I'm sparing the rod.

Duke of Wellington

Fatal error. Give 'em an inch, before you know it, they have a foot. Much more than that, you don't have a leg to stand on. [see George is still there, smacks him on the head again] Get out!

Tell me, do you ever stop bullying and shouting at the lower orders?

Duke of Wellington

Never! There's only one way to win a campaign - shout, shout and shout again!

You don't think, then, that inspired leadership and tactical ability have anything to do with it?

Duke of Wellington

[brief pause] No! It's all down to shouting! BAH!

I hear that conditions in your army are appalling.

Duke of Wellington

Well, I'm sorry, but those are my conditions, and you'll just have to accept them. That is, until this evening, when I shall kill you.

Who knows, maybe I shall kill you.

Duke of Wellington

Nonsense! I've never been so much as scratched! My skin is as smooth as a baby's bottom. Which is more than you can say for my bottom.

Duke of Wellington

Come, sir, choose your stoker.

What, are we going to tickle each other to death?

Duke of Wellington

No, sir, we fight with cannon.

But I thought we were fighting with swords!

Duke of Wellington

Swords?! What do you think this is, the Middle Ages? Only girls fight with swords these days! Stand by your gun, sir! Hup, two, three! Hup, two, three!

Look, wait a minute-

Duke of Wellington

Stand by cannon for loading procedure! Stoke, muzzle, wrench!

[reading manual] "Congratulations on purchasing the Armstrong-Whitworth four-pounder cannonette. Please read instructions carefully and it shall give you years of trouble-free maiming."

Duke of Wellington

Check elevation. Chart trajectory. Prime fuse. Aim...

Look, wait a minute-

Duke of Wellington

FIRE!!!