Dr. John Becker quotes from Becker

Jake

Don't try sneaking a smoke, cause I already talked to Margaret and Linda. I have eyes everywhere.

Becker

You don't have eyes anywhere.

Are you Mr. Angry Head?

Dr. John Becker

That's Doctor Angry Head.

Linda

Someday you'll look back on this and laugh.

Dr. John Becker

Maybe I will. But before then, I will kill you. And then I'll use my powers as a physician to bring you back to life. And then, I will kill you again.

John, guess what? I left my husband. After all this time, we can finally be together!

Becker

I hate this dream! [slams the door in her face]

Anita

John, I'm sorry. Can I use your bathroom to put my makeup on?

Becker

Yeah, I guess. Why?

Anita

The lights in my apartment shorted out again, and speaking of short, have you seen Bob anywhere? I've been after him for days to fix them, and I'm ready to kill him.

Becker

Yeah, well just don't kill him before he fixes my refrigerator.

Wait a minute, you're with him!? If your self-esteem is that low, maybe you and I should talk!

Anita

Bob, I had to come here to put on my makeup because you never fixed my lights.

I'll get to it.

Anita

Right now. You're coming with me.

Becker

Whoa, whoa, what about my refrigerator?

Bob's policy is to handle jobs on a priority basis.

Becker

And how do her lights have priority over my refrigerator?

You saw that dress and you really had to ask?

Dr. John Becker

He took special interest in one student. Can you guess who that young man was?

Linda

Who?

Dr. John Becker

Linda, don't be such an idiot. It's me.

Linda

Oh, when you said young it threw me off.

Dr. John Becker

...everybody at Harvard used to stand in line for days to get into one of his classes

Who said Harvard students don't know how to party?

Dr. John Becker

I can't believe you don't remember me!

I tell you one thing... you're becoming impossible to forget!

Dr. John Becker

What's new, Linda?

Linda

A bunch of patients, but that's not important. Oh, yeah, there is a lawyer in your office, but that's not important. Wait 'til you see Margaret, she is wearing the most hideous thing.

Dr. John Becker

The flower dress?

Linda

No, worse.

Dr. John Becker

The pants with the gold circles?

Linda

No, worse. It looks like someone ate a box of crayons and threw up a sweater. Whatever you do, don't laugh.

Dr. John Becker

Linda, Margaret and I are coworkers, I know how to keep a straight face.

We need a new strategy.

Dr. John Becker

Does it involve me taking the bailiff's gun and blasting my way out of here?

No, that's plan B.

And when you say Dr. Becker, who are you referring too?

[points to Becker] That man there.

Dr. John Becker

Oh, come on, who didn't know that already?

Margaret

Was that a real bible?

Margaret

I'm sorry, John, I have to tell the truth.

Dr. John Becker

[pointing to the jury] You know they can hear you?

Dr. John Becker

[after standing up from witness chair in courtroom] Whether or not I'm a nice guy is not on trial here! Whether or not I'm a good doctor is, and if this court can't tell the difference, then to hell with this court!

Doctor Becker, you are out of order!

Dr. John Becker

[turning to judge] No! You know something: You're out of order! This whole system is out of order!

[bangs gavel] OK, Pacino! That's it! You have no idea how much I hate that damn movie!

Dr. John Becker

You're not gonna believe this. Six o'clock in the morning, somebody knocks on my door.

Linda

That's incredible!

Dr. John Becker

There's more, Linda.

Linda

Oh, good, because that part was really boring.

Dr. John Becker

Anyway, I open the door. There's a guy asking to borrow some underwear.

Now, Linda.

Linda

That's incredible!