Batman quotes from Batman

Batman

[to Black Widow] I never touch spirits. Have you some milk?

Batman

Too many Bessarovian Cossacks around here, Robin. If I'd joined you in the fight, some of them may have been injured.

Batman

You're far from mod, Robin. And many hippies are older than you are.

Batman

It is the duty of every good citizen of Gotham City to report meeting a man from Mars in a public park.

Batman

That's life, Robin, full of ups and downs. It ill befits any of us to become too confident.

Robin

Gosh, if I could just figure out that riddle. Why can't I get it?

Batman

Maybe your mind's on that cute little teenager who waved to you on the way across town, eh?

Robin

Awww, come on, Batman.

Batman

The joke's on you, Riddler!

Robin

When is a donkey spelled with 1 letter?! When it's "U"!

Robin

What do we do, tip off Commissioner Gordon?

Batman

No, not on your life, old man. The Penguin and I have a score to settle.

Robin

All the same! "The Joker is wild!" "Batman and Robin foiled again!" Holy Headlines, do we look like page one dumbbells!

Batman

Too true, Robin. The responsibility of the press is to report the truth, despite what it might do to our public image. Our main concern is to a frightened public, whom we seem to be failing.

Robin

Gosh, you're right. I can't help thinking of only myself. I'm sorry.

Batman

Well, that's okay, chum. We all have the right to be selfish sometimes.

Joker

Batman and Boy Wonder? Are your blindfolds in place? Very well, then. Ask yourselves, "What is wrong with this sentence?" "He who laughs last laughs good!" [laughs]

Robin

Holy grammar! Is that all?

Batman

He who laughs last laughs best, not good! Best! Best! Best!

Robin

Do you suppose "blindfold" might have something to do with it?

Alfred

If I may venture an opinion, sir, I think Master Dick may have put his finger on it.

Batman

Blindfold?

Alfred

No, sir. Grammar. The sentence was gramatically incorrect. One does not laugh good, sir. One laughs well.

Batman

Why, that's it, Alfred! Laughs well! Laughwell! Professor James J. Laughwell!

Robin

Holy safari! The one that just got back from Africa, with a collection of rare masks and objects of art!

Alfred

That's where the blindfold part would come in, sir.

Batman

And they're being stored at the Lasts Longer Warehouse! To the Batmobile!

Batman

Mr. Freeze, give yourself up. We can get help for you... medical help!

In prison? This I do not believe. No, you must PAY for what you did to me, for forcing me to live like this: never again to know the warmth of a summer breeze, never to feel the heat of burning logs in vintertime! Revenge. That is what I need! Revenge! I will have revenge!

Robin

Look at her. Glycerin tears.

Batman

No, Robin. Real.

Some other lifetime, Batman?

Batman

Perhaps, some other lifetime.

Robin

Gosh, there could be diplomatic repercussions if we fail this time, Batman.

Batman

That's not the point, Robin. What's important is that the world know that all visitors to these teeming shores are safe, be they peasant or king.

Robin

Gee, Batman, I never thought of that. You're right.

Batman

It's the very essence of our democracy.

Robin

Well, I'm used to seeing you do the impossible, but getting out of that plaster tomb was impossible!

Batman

Much easier than it seemed, Robin, I simply held my breath.

Robin

Holy Frogman!

Joker

[laughing] Have a sneeze on me, Batman!

Batman

No use, Joker! I knew you'd employ your sneezing powder, so I took an Anti-Allergy Pill! Instead of a sneeze, I've caught you cold!