TV show quotes
Court is now in session! The Good People of Arkham Asylum vs. the Self-Righteous Vigilante Called Batman! Our prosecutor is ready, likewise our fair and impartial jury.
Hang him!
Shoot him!
Hit him with a rock!
And now, all rise for the most honorable, most benevolent, most merciful Judge Joker!
GUILTY!
I was promised a chance to defend my client!
Oh, very well. Like it'll make a difference.
I suppose that you, like your friends, claim that Batman drove you to be a criminal?
He did.
And yet, as I recall in your case, you brainwashed and kidnapped a woman who rejected you.
Batman forced me to do it! He was going to take her away from me! I had no choice!
You could have respected her wishes and left her alone.
I'D HAVE KILLED HER FIRST! [gasps and covers his mouth, then turns to the Joker] I'd like that last statement stricken from the record, please.
Record? Is someone supposed to be writing this down?
And so it's Batman's fault you lead a life of crime?
He should have let me bump off Harvey Dent. We'd all have been better off - wouldn't we, Harv?
[muttering while flipping his coin] Why, you rotten little...
But Miss Isley, isn't the real motivation for your crimes your obsession with plants? That you prefer them to people?
I love plants, honey, but a rose is a rose.
Then it doesn't bother you when someone, let's say the judge here, [plucks the flower from the Joker's robe] ruthlessly plucks a defenceless flower from the warm green earth?
No!
Even knowing he's given it his death sentence? That its petals must die? [starts pulling its petals out]
Stop it...!
One by one, withering, falling. One by one till it's all gone, honey.
[She crushes the flower so that it crumbles apart. Ivy attacks her, and the Scarecrow and Mad Hatter rush in to restrain her]
Miss Ivy, please!
You look beautiful when you're angry.
[Ivy smacks the Ventriloquist in the face, and Scarface laughs]
I used to believe Batman was responsible for you people. But now I see nearly everyone here would have ended up exactly the same, Batman or not. Oh, the gimmicks might be different, but you'd all be out there in some form or another bringing misery to Gotham. The truth is, you created him.
Well done, counsellor. You've proven that Batman didn't create us - that we, in fact, messed up our own rotten lives! And as we are so rotten, vile and depraved... we're going to waste you anyway!
[The inmates cheer and close in on Batman and Janet]
A-bi-a-bi-a-bi, that's all, folks! [bangs down a rubber chicken] Let's mambo!
I see now there's a need for the things you do. But I'm still going to work towards a city that doesn't need Batman.
[smiling] Me too.
Without a doubt, this will be one of the best museum exhibitions Gotham City has ever seen. You can be quite the humanitarian on occasion, Bruce. It's commendable. It's inspiring.
It's deductible.
You've got a serious priority problem, Ra's. What can be in that tomb that's more valuable than the love of your daughter?
Power, detective. The power once held by almighty Thoth-Khepera, Queen of Two Continents.
You surprise me, Ra's. The world's oldest chauvinist chasing after a woman?
Thoth-Khepera was not simply a woman, detective, nor merely a ruler. Through her flowed the power of the gods. With no more than a gesture, she controlled the force of life and death, and with it, she kept a nation under her thumb for one thousand years.
You sound like a bad Saturday afternoon serial, Ra's. This is sheer nonsense.
No, detective - I know there is a power there to be tapped! My six hundred years of life are proof of that power.
[Bruce and Talia are trapped in a glass booth]
Farewell, detective. Farewell, Talia. It is said that one finds one's immortality in one's offspring. Alas, I know that to be a lie.
She's done nothing more incriminating than return an overdue video - even paid the late fee.
Could it be Ivy truly has reformed?
I want to believe it. Why can't I?
You haven't changed a bit.
Yes, I have. I meant it when I said I wanted a family that loves me. I just wanted it on my terms.
Lady, you're nuts.
Well, that's your opinion. Probably the last one you'll ever have, too.
I'm just sorry she got away.
Me too, Robin. But I don't think we'll see her again anytime soon. Ivy lost everything she had, everything she said she ever wanted. For what it's worth, I believed her when she told me that for the first time in her life... she was happy.
Is this all you do for kicks, Bruce? Charity work?
Well, I do have a night life. Pull! [shoots down a clay pigeon] Besides, it's important to help others. It may sound corny, but hey, it's how I feel.
You must recognize that you are a superior animal, Bruce. A member of the elite. Pull! [shoots down another clay pigeon] Take my Delta brothers and me. Why, we've run with the bulls!
Shot game from hot air balloons!
Killed a great white!
We've done it all. Ah, therein lies the problem. After all, what do the rajas do when there are no more tigers to hunt?
I'm sure you'll think of something, Warren. [leaves]
Dollar for dollar, that has to be the dullest man in Gotham City.
Scoundrels like these are worse than the Joker. At least he's got madness as an excuse.
Let's go, Fox. You've raided your last chicken coop.
Wait, wait a minute! We can make a deal! A million dollars to let me go! Ten million! Think about it. Buys a lot of Batarangs.
Your money's no good here.
Okay, fine! Go ahead, take me in, hero! I've got every judge in town in my pocket! You'll see! I'll get justice! The best that money can buy!
[Next, Warren is seen being ushered into a cell at Stonegate, where his burly new cellmate gives him a menacing look]
[in handcuffs] I sense a lack of trust.
Are you sure you don't need help keeping Zippy under control?
[Harley picks the lock on her cuffs while Batman speaks]
I'm fine. Besides, I need you to be ready if Gordon's men get any leads. I'll signal if there's trouble.
You got it.
I wanna listen to the radio. [reaches for the controls]
DON'T--!
[Harley Quinn deploys a parachute, causing the Batmobile to swerve wildly and Batman stops it]
Oops.
Listen, and listen good. You don't touch anything, say anything, or DO ANYTHING UNLESS I TELL YOU! GOT IT?!
Yes, sir.
So far, Joker hasn't been seen in any of his old hideouts. I want you to show me the last place he used when he escaped.
Okay.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Batman: The Animated Series pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
