TV show quotes
Congratulations on your purchase of me! Let's get started shall we? [The iris appeared ending the episode, but Barn Buddy is on the iris out] Alert! You, the viewer, have been identified as an enemy intruder! You will be neutralized! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH-gita!
Otis! Otis! I figured out what the whale's been saying. He's saying, "chase me."
"Chase me"? He must think this is some sort of game. How do you say, "please give our friends back" in whale?
Oh, that's easy It's-- [eaten by Schmoozy]
WOULD YOU STOP EATING MY FRIENDS?! At least your still safe, Peck!
Yeah, knock wood- [knocks the TNT and explodes while he Screams and the ship begans to sink]
Okay, that was kind of our fault, but this general predicament an still be largely attributable to you! Schmoozy!
[after calling Baxter on the phone] I'll show Baxter, I don't need the farmer, I got all the friends I need right here. So, uh, who wants to deworm me?
[The animals are confused]
It's time to do the barn meeting. Listen guys, we can't let Baxter get away with this, we need to get him out of the house once we get Duke back inside, but for all these sakes.
If Baxter sets me up for good, the farmer won’t even take me back to another place.
Listen Duke, you just need to help the farmer get rid of Baxter until you save him from a bear.
Ooh, i like where this is going.
It’s because i don’t know, Freddy.
Don’t worry, animals, won’t even be a real bear, it's going to be me in a bear costume that can make me dress like a bear, the farmer needs to take Baxter outside to take a walk every afternoon.
I love that plan, Otis.
I didn’t say that yet, Freddy.
I don’t know why i'm not confused.
[Daytime, the farmer takes Baxter out for a walk]
Okay Baxter, you lead the way. [Baxter barks; chuckles] What a cute little dickens. [suddenly, a real bear jumps out from behind a tree! Baxter screams] A bear! Get him, boy, get him! [Baxter circles around the farmer then pushes him toward the bear] Huh, what, don't, stop. Bad dog, what are you doing?
[watches them through binoculars] Look at Otis in that costume, here we go, it’s showtime. [charges straight towards the bear, wondering if it was Otis who was wearing the bear costume]
[The bear looks around as Duke kicks his leg, double kicks his back, bites his rear end, and Kung Fu kicks his face. Being knocked out, the bear stops near the farmer's feet]
[unharmed and surprised] Well done Duke, you saved my life, you saved me from the bear, i’m not going to kick you out. Can you just forgive me? [The farmer pets Duke's head just as Baxter approaches them, the farmer glares at him] And as for you, Baxter, look what you did to me, you threw me to the bear, bad dog, you're going back to the animal shelter to find a new home.
[As Baxter watches the farmer walk off with a hurt expression, he turns to Duke angrily]
Goodbye Duke, this isn't over, i'll be back, you'll see, and then we'll- [gets yanked away]
Come on Otis, get up, the farmer is heading straight to the animal shelter before Baxter finds a new home, he can't recognize you in your costume.
[in a bear costume, approaches] Roar, roar, roar, roar, roar! [takes off the mask]Hello Duke, what happened? Where’s Baxter? Where’s the farmer?
The farmer sent Baxter back to the animal shelter. Who's that? Is that the real bear? [points to the real bear]
It’s time for a round two, sheepdog.
Wait, i can explain, you see, that other dog stole my identity in the previous episode, and recently returned to try it again.
Who are you? Professor Exposition?
[The Professor Exposition gag is shown.]
Who? [the bear pounds him into the ground and leaves]'
I'm going to use a real rooster.
What?! But what about the tofrooster?
Yeah, that tastes like hot garbage. Ain't nobody eatin' that.
Well, I won't allow it! Roosters are kind, loyal animals who make wonderful roommates. Probably.
Fine, you don't like it?! There the fake kitchen door!
Fine! I'm leaving!
[to a caged rooster] Don't be frightened. We're here to save you.
Save me? You mean these are not the auditions for the Seattle Opera?
No. It's a cooking show! You're about to be deep-fried and eaten on live TV!
[gasps] Forza del destino!
In our final story, local chef Big Bones Mignon's new recipe for mustache jambalaya is taking the county by storm.
Dat's right! It's like a vacation in your mouth, I guarantee!
[slurps the jambalaya] Mmm. That's good mustache. [he starts feeling indigestion] Hey, I don't feel so good.
Otis, I can't believe that phony Big Bones is getting the credit for your mustache recipe.
Mmm. Who cares? Freddy's imitation rooster is awesome!
[Everyone else agrees.]
Hey, wait a minute. Where's Peck?
[Everyone looks at their forks, thinking they ate Peck.]
AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
[monotone] Aaaaaaaaahhhh.
AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
[Otis uses a plunger on his mouth. Just then, Freddy and Peck enter.]
Hey, guys. What's doin'?
[Everyone is relieved to see Peck.]
Phew!
I don't even wanna tell you what we were thinking.
That the secret ingredient in tofrooster is dandruff? How'd you guess?
[Beat.]
AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
[monotone] Aaaaaaaaahhhh.
AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
[still suffering from indigestion] AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
[singing opera] Aaaaaaaaaahhh!
So how much longer do you think before he grows out of it?
According to the book, four to six years.
WHAAAA?!
[In a shock, Otis accidentally drops the disco anvil, which bounces off two trampolines, and a couch the goat is sitting on.]
And we both reached for the blueberry juice at the same time! [he, Freddy, and Peck laugh]
[The anvil crushes the chair Mr. Wiggleplix was sitting in.]
[devastated] Mr. Wiggleplix! NOOOOOOOOO...!!!
[At Mr. Wiggleplix's funeral, Pig is sobbing at Mr. Wiggleplix's grave.]
Friends, we're gathered here remember Mr. Wiggleplix. He lived a short, full life until Otis crushed him with an anvil.
I didn't! [growls]
Otis, since you often, maybe you'd like to say a few words.
Um, yeah those words would be "no".
[cries]
Otis, you've got to! It says so in "What to Do Your Friend's Imaginary Friend's Funeral"!
Oh, okay, fine. [gets up and walks to the "R.I.P. Mr. Wiggleplix" sign] Uh... Mr. Wiggleplix was transparent. I, for one, will never forget how I was never able to see any type of physical manifestation of this... [looks at the sign] uh, giant top hatted koala.
Hedgehog! He was a giant HEDGEHOG!!! [runs away in tears]
Well, draw better!
[sarcastic] Nice, Otis!
Yeah, first, you off his friend, then you call him a filthy koala!
Oh, okay, first, I never said filthy. And second, HE DOES NOT EXIST!
Wow, saving that race of mole people from those giant evil bloodworms at the center of the Earth was cool!
[The others agree.]
Definitely one of our better adventures.
I still can't believe they made Pig their emperor.
[Pig is shot out of the ground.]
I abused my power and I learned nothing.
Look at her beady, little eyes, her furrowed brow, her cruel hateful beak.
Freddy, you're looking at me.
I KNOW WHAT YOU DID!
Guys, Bessy's my best friend. I refuse to believe she stole those paintings.
Well, there's only one way to find out.
Confront her with what we saw?
No way! You remember the last time we tried to confront her with something?
[Flashback to Bessy dropping an anvil on Otis' head.]
Alert the authorities?
Ha! You remember the last time we tried to alert the authorities?
[Flashback to Bessy shoving Pig in Otis' mouth.]
Maybe we should forget the whole thing and go about our business.
You remember the last time we tried to forget the whole thing and go about our business?
[Flashback to Bessy dropping the henhouse on Otis.]
[finds an alarm system while robbing a house] Hey, look, a tiny toaster oven! [rips it out of the wall, triggering the alarm] The defrost setting is awfully loud.
What's going on here?
Weird Al Yankovic?
Yeah, I'm Weird Al Yankovic. What are you doing in my house?
Robbing it.
Oh, really? Hm, good thing all famous people have police hotlines. [prepares to activate a hotline, in the shape of a clown's head]
[takes the hotline] Wait, don't call the police!
[tries to pull the hotline away from Otis] Get off my hotline!
I don't wanna get off your hotline! [accidentally breaks it] Oh.
You just messed with the WRONG Grammy winner!
Okay, Otis, you got your candy back. Now can we get out of this creepy place?
Sure we can.
Okay, that sounds good.
Let's go.
[The animals agree to leave the cemetery]
Right after I take a handful of candy from this tree trunk. [Otis attempts to take candy from Hockey Mask Bob's tree trunk but the animals stop Otis right before he does it]
Noooooo!!!!
Ah! What?
Otis, don't you dare take candy from Hockey Mask Bob's tree trunk.
Oh, come on, just a little to replace what we lost chasing Snotty Boy. Even a freak like Bob could understand the economics of that.
But the legend. He'll come back and take his revenge.
Oh, his revenge? ”Golly, I'm all a-tremble.” Guys, Hockey Mask Bob is all moon cheese and cracker dust. He doesn't exist. Now I'll just take a tiny handful, and we can be on our way.
First the lights, then the scream, Now the locked door, This has Hockey Mask Bob written all over it!
There is no Hockey Mask Bob. Someone get me a shovel. I'm breaking this door open.
Not me. I'm waiting right here so he doesn't get me.
[Hockey Mask Bob grabs Pig in the basement and the animals start to panic that Hockey Mask Bob was here]
All right, stay calm. Nobody panic.
Why not?
Because I'm gonna panic enough for everyone. [panics] OH MY GOSH, IT WAS REALLY HOCKEY MASK BOB! HE'S REALLY REAL! AND HE JUST TOOK ABBY AND PIG AND NOW HE'S GONNA COME AFTER THE REST OF US!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Back at the Barnyard pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
