Back at the Barnyard · Season 1, Episode 25
[Duke has been replaced with an imposter named Baxter at the vet]
OK, Baxter, it's doggy-doctor time! Who loves his doggy-doctor? You do, yes you do, yes you do! [Duke mumbled protestation] Aw, don't be scared boy, this won't hurt at all. [reads "Duke's" chart] Oh, deep de-worming. I was wrong. [starts up a giant machine] This is gonna hurt! Yes it is, yes it is!
[Duke recoils in terror]
Aw, relax, Baxter, the worst is over, yes, it is, yes, it is! [takes off safety goggles and reads the chart again] Oops, I'm wrong. Says here I have to flush out your brain hole. [picks up a large syringe-like device] Who's got a dirty brain? Baxter does, yes, he does!
[Duke is mortified]
[to himself] Hang in there, Duke, you've just been poked, drilled, humiliated, but there was nothing they can do to break you.
[returns with a bucket of leeches] Okay, Baxter, time for your butt-leeching. Who's going to his butt leeched? Baxter is, yes, he is.
Okay, that's it! [knocks leeches into Glove's face and runs away]
Oh, the leeches are on my face! [stumbles into wall] Who's draining my face blood? [hits head on examination lamp] You are, yes, you are! [collapses from blood loss/head trauma]
[spying on the farm animals at the Clam Hut] Nathan, I think those are those talking barn animals from the farm next door.
Do not talk. Please do not talk.
[a clam] Psst. Cow dressed as a lady.
What? Who said that? I'm not a cow, uh, I'm a typical human female.
Please, I know a fellow human animal when I see one. You gotta help me. My life's in terrible danger.
But I thought everything here was made out of shclam, a delicious clam substitute.
It's a lie. Shclam... IS CLAM!
[Abby gasps.]
Can't stand liver, won't eat ham, look out, stomach, here comes the shclam!
DON'T EAT THOSE!
[The other animals scream, startled by Abby.]
Why are you yelling?!
Fellas, do you know why shclam looks and tastes like real clam?
A miracle of modern chemistry?
They zap it with a clam ray?
They make it with love?
No! It's because shclam is clam! Look! [shows them Archie]
What she said.
[The other animals gasp and yell in horror.]
[picks up Pip and shows him to the waiter] Could a real human ever be this tiny?!
My cousin Lupe is half that height!
[The barn is filled with clams.]
Otis, what are we gonna do?!
I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna sit back and enjoy the fun!
Otis, what are you talking about?!
Yeah, we got a situation here!
No, you have a situation, because for once, something is your fault! [laughs] Oh, that's rich! There was one clam before, but now there's a lot of 'em. Oh, there's gonna be more! And when the farmer gets back, he's gonna be all, "What are these clams doin' here?! I'll bet it was that she-cow's fault!" Oh, Abby, how will you get out of this one?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Back at the Barnyard pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
