Don't ruin the moment.
“Un Chien Tangerine” · Season 4, Episode 10
In this episode: Malory Archer (6), Lana Kane (2), Pam Poovey (2), Cheryl Tunt (1), Ray Gillette (1), Dr. Krieger (1)
You're missing out on all the great things that Tangiers has to offer.
Name one.
Cheap...
[Interrupting] Apart from cheap hash and a repulsively low age of consent.
Rugs?
Ms. Archer, Lana for you, line one.
I'm not here.
[scared] Then how...
My God, a perfect score on the IFAAB merely indicates that a person is a candidate for field agent status! It can't determine if they're suited for actual field work. I mean, what if she had to subdue an agent?
Cue sad trombone, and... go.
[Snaps fingers, showing video of Cyril, Ray and Krieger being mauled by Pam.]
Pam! What the hell did you... waagh! [Brief shot of Cyril thrown to ground and picked up and thrown again] My God!
And it goes on like that for another 38 soul-cleaving minutes
Of which, you were there for 2.
3! Hey, I was scared, I ran away; sue me! And sue me for this! Smoke bomb!
[While walking through the desert] Because you let him. Because you let him push your buttons. That's why you stormed off with no GPS, gun, phone, or lifesaving water. And that's why you died in the desert. [Beat] Holy shit I'm gonna die in the desert. [Gasps] Just like Cheryl's gypsy woman said!
[Flashback to the ISIS break room, as Lana is talking to Cheryl while opening a soda bottle]
How. Would I ever. Die in a dessert.
[Back to the present]
Well, pretty close.
Plus I'm a quick learner, plus you've seen me drive I'm an amazing driver, plus I almost never get sick, plus I already bought three pantsuits, plus...
Alright! I'll think about it.
Is that a real "you'll think about it," or a "Pam, if your pig Leon wins a blue ribbon at the county fair, maybe we won't kill him and eat him for Easter dinner and render what's left into soap," "you'll think about it"?
It's...
Because I never really got over that.
It's a real one!
YAAAAYYYY!!!
But thank you for that glimpse into your bleak, farm-y childhood.
It was actually pretty awesome. And if I'm being honest, so was Leon.
[to Kazak the dog] Okay, buddy, so here's the deal. A., scrooch down! And B., normally in this situation, I'd do a PIT maneuver, but if I do, the truck will flip, and if Lana doesn't die, best case scenario, she's a quadriplegic and I marry her out of guilt, but after a few years of feeding tubes and colostomy bags I start to resent her and the night nurse is, like, Brazilian and twenty. [Kazak growls] Don't judge me! I have needs, man! The point is, and it might be a kind of shitty plan [jams the canteen against the gas pedal] but I'm gonna jump on the truck, so I need you to take the... [Kazak barks] Wheel, exactly. So— [sees Kazak is gone] Kazak? [Sees Kazak has jumped onto the truck and is mauling the kidnappers] Lana, look! He thinks he's vampires!
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