Larry Miller quotes from Aqua Teen Hunger Force

What?

Larry Miller

I think you recognize me.

No.

Larry Miller

You might've seen me in one of those Christopher Guest movies. "Best in Show?" "Waiting for Guffman?" "A Mighty Win?" No?

No!

Larry Miller

Alright, well I'm a stand-up comedian, I've been on Letterman, Leno, Conan. Dozens of times, really everyone.

Mmmmh.

Larry Miller

How about the...uh... "The Nutty Professor" movies? That may be more of your speed. The Klumps?

Oh, yeah! The one where Martin Lawrence, uh, Martin dresses like an old woman, you know, but he's a cop! He's not an old woman, he's a cop! [hours later] His partner gets shot, you know, and then they rip his mask off, and then like "You're...you're not an old woman, right? You're Martin!" "Big Nanny" or big... "Big Granny" or something. "Big Granny 2", maybe there was a sequel. So, were you in that?

Larry Miller

No, but very close.

You were the judge of the gymnastics contest! I know that!

Larry Miller

No.

Nah, no, that guy was black.

Larry Miller

Well, close enough. "Pretty Woman?" "Boston Legal?" "10 Things I Hate About You?" Doing anything for you?

You sell hair?

Larry Miller

You know what? I admire a man like you because yes, let's cut to the chase. I am the celebrity spokesman for a line of artificial hair. And I also occasionally sell hair, myself, on the weekend because I have... [Larry laughs] a gambling problem that's all-consuming.

Want a beer?

Larry Miller

No thank you.

How 'bout some lo mein noodles? Come on in.

Larry Miller

Lo mein, no.

I was just about to toss these. [Carl sniffs] They reek.

Larry Miller

Yes, clearly. Well, the point is you qualify for a free 7-day trial for the Larry Miller Hair System for men.

Dude, if it's so great, then how come you ain't got it?

Larry Miller

We only have one and God told us to bring it to you!

Free hair, made out of painted and corrugated sheet metal. Come on, what's the catch?

Larry Miller

If I didn't fully believe in this product, why else did you think I spend my weekends selling and installing the Larry Miller hair system for men?

Well, cuz you said you got a bad gambling problem.

Larry Miller

I know I do. I know I have that problem, and that's half the battle admitting it. It... it's like I've just become someone else for weeks. It takes control. And you know what? I'm not ashamed to say it. Well, I'm a little ashamed. Alright, I'm mortified, but the point is I believe in this product and my ability to make money off of it. Try one on!

I thought you had one?

Larry Miller

Well, now we have many.

Oh, it's really slick.

Larry Miller

It's lanolin, from someone else's skin. Someone who returned it.

They're lost [Carl laughs].

Larry Miller

Here, step into this simulator.

Uh, I don't see any, uh...

Larry Miller

This van!

What is that? Like an impact drill?

Larry Miller

Don't focus on that! Focus on this.

Larry Miller

Hey guy, don't worry about it, [Starts up a giant motor drill] let's install the system.

Whoa, whoa, with a drill? No way dude!

Larry Miller

...Yes

No

Larry Miller

Okay, look, we're close to AC Beach aren't we? God, I can smell the cards. I don't give a damn about this at all! [Runs out of the van] I need to gamble!