Ally McBeal · Season 4
Well, don't get me wrong, Ally...
Why does everyone say that to me? Do I get everything wrong?
No, it's just that what I am about to say may sound like an insult, so I want to buffer it.
Oh, okay.
Emotionally, you're an idiot.
Let's not forget that Lizzie Borden was found innocent of killing her parents.
Oh, she did it; the jury just took pity on her for being an orphan.
Well, by all means let's hear your opinion, Richard.
Simple. Men and women. Friction.
That's it? Friction?
Friction, friction, friction, orgasm. Fishism. Are we going to dance or not?
Why do therapists always have to talk about sex?
What can I say, Freud was a perv.
I'm trying to desensitize myself to murder so I can be a better lawyer.
Why don't you just watch the news?
Richard, I'm going to ask you one more time, did you hire me based on my looks?
[Sighs] Ally, did we know each other in law school?
Not... really.
Mmm-hmm. Did I interview you for the job?
No.
Did I ask to see a reference or a transcript?
No.
So, all I had to go on was looks. Why bite the hand that wants to touch you? [Richard fingers Ally's wattle, she slaps him away]
So, this had nothing to do with my ability as a lawyer.
What ability? I'm still looking for that. Kidding. Ally, you, Ling, Nelle, you're smart. You wouldn't be here if you weren't. But you have to remember, people hate lawyers. The clients think their lawyers are only out to screw them. It's just easier being screwed by a beautiful woman. Vulgarism, but ...
[Turning to walk out] I can't believe this.
Don't tell me you don't trade on your looks every day, Ally. You wake up each morning, you pull out the lip gloss, the rouge, the blush. What for, to brush up your intellect?
Your honor, I'm not comfortable with the response. I'm gonna go ahead and object.
Over-ruled.
You know what? I'm not even in the mood for your issues.
My issues? What are my issues?
Look, lady.
Ally.
Jackson.
First, you're kissing me.
[Gesturing to Larry] I thought you were him.
Then you climbed into bed.
[Gesturing to Renee] I thought you were her.
Then your hands were all up on my privates.
Well, because I thought it was the remote control.
Hold on!
You found the remote, now, didn't you?
Alright, let's hold on here. There are a lot of emotions on the surface.
Oh, shut up, Pretty Boy. Nobody likes a Pretty Boy.
[Larry is out with another woman] Hey, Larry.
Ally, hi. This is Helena. Helena, Ally.
Hello.
[Still glaring at Larry] Hi. I thought we were watching our cholesterol this month.
Helena's my ex-wife. Hey, John.
Hey-y.
Your ex-wife? Oh. Well, what are you talking about over ice cream?
[Wiping whipped cream off his face] Oh, uh, well, um... nothin'.
Nothing.
Nothing over ice cream. Great! Maybe you can, um, talk under it. [Dumps Larry's ice cream on his head] Hmm. Are you done?
[Nods] Mmm-hmm.
Good. [Dumps Helena's ice cream on Larry's head] Oh, this will just warm you up. [Pours hot fudge on Larry's head] Mmm. Oh, oh. One minute.
Take your time.
[Sprays Larry with whipped cream] There we go. Okay. Come on, John.
Bye now.
She seems nice.
She's a sweetheart.
[Answers his phone] Hello? What do you mean you're going into court?
I got it all at Radio Shack, John. And I've got a miniature earpiece and the mike fits on my lapel. It should be easy.
Well, don't- don't be ridiculous, Richard. I can't argue your case for you over the phone.
No, you don't. You feed ME the arguments. Just like that show. Uh, what was it? Cyrano de Burger King? Whatever.
I want this to be a place of compassion. Should we fire them?
Well as acts of compassion go, that wouldn't be my first choice.
The reason that this case is rather special is that Malcolm he's a bit of a necrophiliac
a What?
He almost never leaves the house except to go to school.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Ally McBeal pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
