Ally McBeal · Season 4, Episode 10
“The Ex-Files” · Season 4, Episode 10
In this episode: Ally McBeal (8), Ling Woo (4), Nelle Porter (3), Richard Fish (2), John Cage (2), Billy Thomas (2), Georgia Thomas (2), Elaine Vassal (1)
Ling, uh, do you still like this guy?
No! No, I- I'm with Richard now. I- I... I might... I mean, he's not Richard.
Oh, come on. Richard has the depth of an ashtray. He's got nothing to offer but money and sperm, and you know it.
You having fun with this case?
It's okay. I prefer being a plaintiff, but a defendant's nice too. I get a martyr glow.
So Jackson Duper, you don't tell a woman your real name?
Hey, for all I knew...
You knew me well enough to go to bed with me.
Look...
Why the alias? You wanted?
No.
Certainly not by me.
Excellent. Do I get to talk
Fine. Quick, think up something.
Look...
We're back to look.
Hey...
We're back to hey.
Ling...
How do you know my real name? Oh that's right, I gave it to you. What an odd thing to do.
[Ally is outraged when Ling convinces a dying boy that he could sue God]
Do you know how his father died?
No. Do you?
Yes, I overheard the nurses talking. He was crushed by a tree that was struck by lightning. THAT was an act of God, so we go after the Church, HOUSE of God. I need to pee.
In a pinch, I sometimes allude to not wearing any underwear.
I won't be in that pinch.
Ally, what makes your problems so much bigger than everybody else's?
They're mine.
Are you always such a bitchy little thing?
Bitchy?
Coming in here, insulting the Talmud, insulting me!
What kind of rabbi calls somebody bitchy?
I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
'Cause I'm bitchy? God has no love for the bitchy?
Get out.
Have no fear, Nelle, that girl is a bagel!
Bagel?
[pauses] I meant to say 'toast.'
I am good in bed, Renee.
[Renee laughs]
What?
Ally, I'm your roommate. We have thin walls, and you...
[Renee imitates small whining noises]
I don't sound like that.
I make more noise breaking in a new shoe.
So how has it come to this? We're smart women, we're fairly attractive...
I'm even hot.
You kicked him?
I didn't know he was real; I thought he was pretend.
You only kick pretend people?
[Pause] Yes.
Well, don't get me wrong, Ally...
Why does everyone say that to me? Do I get everything wrong?
No, it's just that what I am about to say may sound like an insult, so I want to buffer it.
Oh, okay.
Emotionally, you're an idiot.
Let's not forget that Lizzie Borden was found innocent of killing her parents.
Oh, she did it; the jury just took pity on her for being an orphan.
Well, by all means let's hear your opinion, Richard.
Simple. Men and women. Friction.
That's it? Friction?
Friction, friction, friction, orgasm. Fishism. Are we going to dance or not?
Why do therapists always have to talk about sex?
What can I say, Freud was a perv.
I'm trying to desensitize myself to murder so I can be a better lawyer.
Why don't you just watch the news?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Ally McBeal pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
