John Cage quotes from Ally McBeal

Let's not forget that Lizzie Borden was found innocent of killing her parents.

Richard Fish

Oh, she did it; the jury just took pity on her for being an orphan.

Ally McBeal

[Larry is out with another woman] Hey, Larry.

Ally, hi. This is Helena. Helena, Ally.

Hello.

Ally McBeal

[Still glaring at Larry] Hi. I thought we were watching our cholesterol this month.

Helena's my ex-wife. Hey, John.

John Cage

Hey-y.

Ally McBeal

Your ex-wife? Oh. Well, what are you talking about over ice cream?

[Wiping whipped cream off his face] Oh, uh, well, um... nothin'.

Nothing.

Ally McBeal

Nothing over ice cream. Great! Maybe you can, um, talk under it. [Dumps Larry's ice cream on his head] Hmm. Are you done?

[Nods] Mmm-hmm.

Ally McBeal

Good. [Dumps Helena's ice cream on Larry's head] Oh, this will just warm you up. [Pours hot fudge on Larry's head] Mmm. Oh, oh. One minute.

Take your time.

Ally McBeal

[Sprays Larry with whipped cream] There we go. Okay. Come on, John.

John Cage

Bye now.

She seems nice.

She's a sweetheart.

John Cage

[Answers his phone] Hello? What do you mean you're going into court?

Richard Fish

I got it all at Radio Shack, John. And I've got a miniature earpiece and the mike fits on my lapel. It should be easy.

John Cage

Well, don't- don't be ridiculous, Richard. I can't argue your case for you over the phone.

Richard Fish

No, you don't. You feed ME the arguments. Just like that show. Uh, what was it? Cyrano de Burger King? Whatever.

Richard Fish

I want this to be a place of compassion. Should we fire them?

John Cage

Well as acts of compassion go, that wouldn't be my first choice.

John Cage

I can't believe it! You're lip-synching your response!

Richard Fish

I had a lot to say. I wanted to make sure I...

John Cage

And you can't give it to me LIVE?

Richard Fish

Nobody does their best work LIVE.

Elaine Vassal

Sorry I'm late.

Oh, Elaine, you can go first - since some of us seem to be resistant. Now, specifically what do you look for in a man?

John Cage

A pulse and a penis. Not necessarily in that order.

John Cage

The law is the law, Liza. And she *broke* it.

Liza Bump

John, in some states, oral sex is against the law. You don't see people getting thrown in jail for that.

John Cage

Bigamy is a little more serious.

Liza Bump

[Coyly] You don't take oral sex seriously?

John Cage

[Flustered] We're both on the same side here. Would you please STOP trying to RATTLE me?

Liza Bump

Oh, yeah. Force of habit.

Judge Seymour Walsh

Mr. Cage. Ms. Bump. I'll ask you to proceed without the nonsense.

John Cage

[Reading notes] Okay, uh... Mmm, no, I'm sorry. All I had left was nonsense. [Sits back down]

Liza Bump

[Squeezing John Cage's face] Isn't HE like a cute little stuffy? And such a good little lawyer. Yes, you are.

John Cage

All right.

Liza Bump

Yes, you are!

John Cage

What are you thinking?

Ally McBeal

Hmm... just replaying all the things ever said to me. [Smiling at him] The best ones always come from you.