Officer Crabtree quotes from 'Allo 'Allo!, page 2 ... TV Quotes Database

Hole Hotler!

[Colonel Von Strohm and Captain Geering are about to desert from the German army because they failed to destroy a munitions train]

Officer Crabtree

I have good nose.

René

Yes, yes, you are very handsome...

Officer Crabtree

The troon carrying the painting has been bummed by the RAF.

René

Bummed by the RAF?!

CVCol. Von Strohm / Captain Geering

Bummed by the RAF⁉

Lt. Gruber

What have the naughty RAF been up to now?

René

They bombed an munition train.

Captain Geering

Did they destroy it?

Officer Crabtree

There were little pisses all over the track.

S1 E15 Unfinished Business

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[Madame Fanny has been spending forged money in the hat shop]

Crabtree

Good Moaning, I have come to arost your mither.

YYvette

Arrest her mother? Why, what has she done?

Crabtree

She has been pissing fudged bank notes in the hit shop.

Edith

What does Crabtree say, Yvette?

YYvette

I think he means "she has been passing forged bank notes in the hat shop.

Crabtree

Presoasly

René (Dressed like Fanny, doing a poor impression of her): Edith, remind him he is supposed to be on our side.

Crabtree

Who is the ugly old bog in the bed beside your mother?

FFanny

I have been asking the same question.

René (takes off his wig): It is I, Rene.

Crabtree

My Gid that was a god disgeese, I was complotely decieved by the wog.

René

Edith, give him 500 francs from the till and tell him to pass off.

Crabtree

There is no need to be rode.

S1 E15 Unfinished Business

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[René goes to the Gendarmerie (police station) as he continues to look for somewhere safe to hide from Denise Laroque. Watch this on YouTube]

René

Service! Is this a police station or a mortuary? (He rings the bell on the counter)

Crabtree

Would you please stop bonging the bill, or I shall lick you up for disturbing the puss.

René

Office Crabtree, it is I, René Artois (He removes his false beard). Will you lock me up, please?

Crabtree

Are you confessing to some cream?

René

Yes. Cream galore!

Crabtree

In that curse, you must fill in a foam. Here is a list of creams. I will tick what you have din. Meerder?

René

No.

Crabtree

Minslaughter?

René

No.

Crabtree

Roop?

René

No.

Crabtree

Biglary?

René

No.

Crabtree

Biglary with minaces?

René

No.

Crabtree

Handbog snitching?

René

No.

Crabtree

Arsin?

René

What is "arsin"?

Crabtree

Setting fire to places.

René

Ah! My life is in danger, so I will confess to all of these things, as long as you lock me up.

Crabtree

I see. Unfortunately, all the sills are filled to caposity. Could you come back next woke?

René

Oh my God! Why do I pay rates?

S1 E15 Unfinished Business

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Herr flick

What part of France do you come from?

Officer Crabtree

I am half Itolioen.

Herr Flick

Itolioen?

Officer Crabtree

Itolioen.

VSvon Smallhousen

I think he means Italian.

Officer Crabtree

I was brought up in Nipples.

Herr Flick

Nipples?

Officer Crabtree

Yes. You know the old suing: See Nipples, and do.

S1 E15 Unfinished Business

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Officer Crabtree quotes from 'Allo 'Allo!

Lines by Officer Crabtree 16

Scenes with Officer Crabtree 4

More 'Allo 'Allo! characters