General Von Klinkerhoffen quotes from 'Allo 'Allo!

It has come to the ears of the Fuhrer that two of the latest Mark Six landmines are missing from this district. He has of course flown into one of his familiar rages.

Lt. Gruber

Has he eaten the carpet?

No. But he's done a lot of no-good to a reproduction of the Bayeux Tapestry.

Colonel Von Strohm

Do you think he has a screw loose?

In my opinion, a whole Meccano set has fallen apart in there.

Piggy old boy, when was the last time you had a holiday?

Badenbaden '38. You were both there. We went to a fancy dress ball at the baths. I went as Atilla the Hun.

[On the phone] Get me the military hospital. Fruitcake department.

Hello Operator. Get me Berlin at once.

I'll give you a line and you can dial the number yourself.

You incompetent idiot. Come back.

Yes. I hope the General will be well enough to come out for a period of convalescence.

What is your name, rank and number? Talk to me. If you will not reply I will have you court martialed.

Gruber

[Aside to Von Flockenstuffen] He's talking to the fruit.

On second thoughts, I think we'll keep him in for the time being.