Herr Otto Flick quotes from 'Allo 'Allo!

Helga

You're looking pensive Herr Flick.

Herr Flick

I'm trying to decide what to do with you tonight. I might take you to the movies.

Helga

What is showing?

Herr Flick

Anything we want. Or we could stay here and amuse ourselves. I have a box of sharp needles somewhere. (Helga looks a little nervous) Ah, here they are.

Helga

What have you in mind Herr Flick?

Herr Flick

I have an excellent gramophone, and many records of Hitler's speeches. They are quite amusing.

Helga

(surprised) Hitler's speeches, quite amusing?

Herr Flick

Played at double speed, he sounds like Donald Duck.

Herr Flick

Who has squashed my Gestapo staff car?

Colonel Von Strohm

It was Captain Geering, Herr Flick.

Captain Geering

[Nervously] Heil Hilter.

Herr Flick

This is very serious... The Gestapo is only insured third party.

Herr flick

What part of France do you come from?

Officer Crabtree

I am half Itolioen.

Herr Flick

Itolioen?

Officer Crabtree

Itolioen.

I think he means Italian.

Officer Crabtree

I was brought up in Nipples.

Herr Flick

Nipples?

Officer Crabtree

Yes. You know the old suing: See Nipples, and do.

Helga

What crime will this very common-looking criminal commit Herr Flick?

Herr Flick

It is not yet decided.

Helga

Could he not climb into the Colonel's office and steal the petty cash?

Herr Flick

That is a good idea Helga. My dazzling brilliance is obviously rubbing off on you. As a reward you may kiss me.

Helga

Herr Flick, where are you?

Herr Flick

I am behind this screen with von Smallhausen.

Helga

May I inquire to what you are up?

Herr Flick

We have taken off our clothes in accordance with the Fuhrer's instructions.

Helga

What exactly did the Fuhrer ask you to do?