A character in All Dogs Go to Heaven: The Series
Voiced by Steven Weber
All Dogs Go to Heaven: The Series · 71 quotes
Most-quoted character in All Dogs Go to Heaven: The Series: in 42 of its 71 quotes
Most scenes with: Itchy (23), Annabelle (12), Sasha (11)
Charlie, we have a very particular guest.
CharlieWell, I'll be very impressed!
Ah-hem. This day forward in heaven, we have mister tiggy-wiggle.
Charlie[whispering to itchy] I am not impressed.
That calls to you Charlie.
CharlieOh, blast!
[looking a Bess's "Wall of Fame"] "Winifred...Bessime...de Winkerville"? Wow. Some pedigree pooch.
CharlieMaybe Bess is her ugly... [stops at an angry look from Itchy] ...I mean, unfortunate cousin.
Charlie[surprised] You're "Winifred Bessime-"?
"Bess" for short.
CharlieWell how 'bout that, Itch? "Bess" is short, too.
What would you say if I told you I was the fastest Cocker Spaniel in my class?
[Itchy gulps and sweats, momentarily deprived of Charlie's prompting]
Charlie[playing a card game] You're bluffing!
[repeating Charlie's "prompt"] You're bluffing!
Okay, so I was the second fastest.
[Dog playing cards with Charlie throws down his hand in frustration]
CharlieHa ha! I knew it! You can't con a master.
Ha! I knew it! You can't con a master.
[offended] Well, then I guess I'd better practice some more. Good day! [walks off in a huff]
CharlieItch, I can't tell you and that vacuum cleaner apart anymore.
Oh, is that a short leg joke or something?
CharlieWho stepped on your tail? I was talking about your whining.
[angrily to Charlie] I'm gonna tell you a joke. My dog has no nose.
CharlieThen how does he smell?
Terrible. And no offense, but so do you, Charlie!
CharlieThat's my signature smell.
Well then you need never worry about forgeries!
Hi, Charlie. Freezer's broken at the supermarket. Want some thawed fish sticks?
CharlieI'm not in the mood for fish sticks.
Let me guess. Pretty little poodle took your heart for a one-way ride to the country?
CharlieTry this. Flea-ridden little wiener dog takes my edible garbage to the dumpster.
[sighs] Itchy is one clean wiener dog.
Charlie[taking a fish stick] Who's he think he is? The big nag. [puts the stick in his mouth] He treats me like a child, like, I got no manners. [grunts and bangs his fist on the counter] Next, he'll be alphabetizing my garbage, and he calls me inconsiderate. [ironically, he steals a fish stick from a bowl a dog waiter is carrying]
So Itchy whines a little big? The guy vacuums and even does windows. I wish he'd come to my house once a week.
CharlieWell, then you take him! Just don't send him back. [chokes] Turning blue!
[turns Charlie around and thrusts her front paws around his waist, making the food in his mouth come out and onto a bowl of food another dog waiter is carrying] You never know, Charlie. Itchy just may be like that comfy old pillow you throw out, and then you miss it when it's gone.
CharlieYeah, well, a pillow never called me lazy.
Charlie I don't know what is the matter with you.
[unaware that Annabelle is appearing as an image on one of their windows, watching] How about if I just stop talkin' to ya?
Charlie[also unaware] Oh, that should be easy, 'cause I won't be here to talk to.
All right. Stop that, you two!
CharlieAnnabelle!
[gasps] Now see what you did?
Eh-eh-em...?
CharlieMe? You're the one who...
Shh. Enough! I can hear you arguing all the way to heaven! You're supposed to be angels! Role models, for goodness sake! Now, Charles, Itchy, I want you to show a little understanding. A little kindness toward each other. Or else!
Sorry.
You two have a wonderful friendship, but it's at stake right now. If you don't do something to save it, I will.
[Even so, Charlie and Itchy have continued to fight, such as by squirting ketchup and mustard and throwing things at each other]
I warned you. Now we'll do it my way.
Annabelle.
CharlieUh-oh.
Whoa...what are you gonna do, Annabelle?
If you can't see the diamond because of its flaws, you must walk a mile on each other's paws.
CharlieI don't like this!
Too bad. [the ghosts of Charlie and Itchy leave their own bodies] Until you can learn to appreciate each other, you're stuck with it.
[Charlie and Itchy's ghosts enter each other's bodies]
[seeing Charlie and Itchy getting along again] Look, Sasha. Our plan worked.
[in unison] If they only knew. [giggling]
CharlieHeh. Hey, Itch. Check out the girls. They never had a clue.
[in unison, about the body swap] If they only knew. [laughing]
I got bologna in my shoes.
CharlieYeah, feel funny, don't it?
[crying happily, only without any tears showing] Charles Barkin, that's the most unselfish thing I've ever heard you say.
CharlieI'm always very proud of myself without getting any lightning struck.
And I am very proud of your heavenly Charlie.
[Sasha sings the episode's titular song against Charlie, rejecting him as a boyfriend]
[singing] If you had what it takes,
You would be quite the gentle-hound,
A more sentimental hound,
Less of a flake.
You'd be my hero
Instead of a zero
If you had what it takes.
[spoken] Come on, Sasha. What do you want, anyway?
[singing] I want the perfect dog
Who'd never make me wait.
[singing] The perfect dog
Charlie[singing] It's more fun to irritate.
[singing] The perfect dog
Who'd shower me flowers.
[singing] The perfect dog.
Charlie[singing] You'd be sniffling for hours.
[singing] So very 'phisticated.
Charlie[singing] That's overrated.
[singing] Someone who'd risk his hide.
Charlie[singing] Who'd take you for a ride.
[singing] Who'd make me feel so proud.
Charlie[singing] Stop walking on a cloud.
[singing] To have them by my side.
[spoken] Gee, it's gettin' awful hot in here, ain't it?
[singing] The perfect dog, I long to see.
The perfect dog, the dog for me.
The perfect dog. You'll never be
The perfect dog!
Charlie[singing] Uh, I hate to deflate you.
Or invalidate you.
This pie-in-the-sky guy
Will just nauseate you.
Life would be boring.
You'd spend all day snoring?
[spoken] Is that what you want?
[spoken] You know, Sasha, if you ask me, I think Charlie's got a point. Don't you think so? I think so.
[singing] The perfect dog.
Charlie[singing] He's only in your dreams.
[singing] The perfect dog.
[spoken] I've had it with your schemes!
[singing] I want the perfect dog!
Charlie[singing] There is no such creature!
[singing] The only perfect dog is in an animated feature!
[singing] Tender and kind.
Charlie[singing] They say love is blind.
[singing] You're out of your league!
Charlie[singing] You're out of your mind!
[singing] The perfect dog.
[singing] I only want...
Charlie[singing] You'll never find...
[singing] The perfect dog.
[spoken] Come on and kiss.
[spoken] Stay out of this! [singing] The perfect dog.
[singing] You'll never be...
Charlie[singing] Who'll wanna be...
[singing] The perfect dog!
CharlieCome on, pal. Ime-tay oo-tay am-scray.
O-nay. Listen, Charlie. I don't speak, uh, Pig Latin. I mean, I, I...I never studied abroad. [Sasha angrily throws some kitchenware at them] Right! I understand that!
[Charlie and Itchy run out of the cafe]
[angrily chasing after them] If I get my paws on you, Charlie Barkin, you'll wish you'd never been born!
CharlieBoy, Itch, is she crazy about me or what?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's All Dogs Go to Heaven: The Series pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
