[while cutting the plants] This is pretty hefty punishment for breaking 1 measly chimney.
Hey ALF, watch this! [throws a stick to the ground]
I could see that, but it wrecked your stick trick. What was supposed to happen?
That was it. That's how you play fetch.
Fascinating game. Right up there with watching golf.
You wanna throw one? Alright. What harm could it do?
[ALF throws the stick to the Ochmoneks' backyard]
What are the chances that the crash I just heard was the Ochmoneks breaking their own window?
Slim and none. And slim is out of town.
Where did this dog come from?
She followed me home from school.
ALF, you better hide whilst I, once again, take the blame for something you did.
Thanks, Willie. You're a prince.
[comes to the Tanners' backyard] Good afternoon, guys. Does this look familiar to anyone?
Oh, gee, I'm sorry, Trevor. B-Brian and I were, we were just, sort of, play. It's $20, right?
Yeah, I'm putting in Plexiglas this time. It'll be cheaper for you in the long run.
Well, I'll see ya. [ALF pops his head out] So long, Trevor. [Trevor leaves the Tanners' backyard] She sure is a pretty dog.
Yeah, Willie. Can we, huh?
No, I don't know. I'm sure she's got an owner somewhere.
Can't we just keep her until we find the owner?
Well, I guess so. As long as it's okay with your mom.
Oh, goody, goody, goody, goody!
I didn't know you liked dogs.
What's not to like? They're loyal, obedient, they hate cats. [the dog growls] And those who eat them!
[comes in the kitchen with a beef bone that Alfina ate] Anyone lose a steak?
O-o-okay, ALF. I'm sorry I accused you.
Apology accepted. I'd hate to be in your paws, you cattle rustler!
Bad dog! Oh, I didn't mean it. No, she didn't mean it. Oh. Here. You're a good dog, aren't you? Yes, you are. Come on, pup. Come on.
[imitating Kate] You're a good dog. Yes, you are. [normal] This is an outrage! That dog should be flogged on the quarterdeck. Whatever that means.
Oh, ALF, she's just a dog. She doesn't know any better.
Ignorance is your excuse all the time.
I don't know what you're talking about.
BMrs. Buttonwood
[arrives at the Tanners to look for Alfina] Where is he?
BMrs. Buttonwood
My dog. That's who. You found him, didn't you?
Well, yes, we did. I mean, that is to say we found a dog.
BMrs. Buttonwood
He's mine. Where is he?
It's not a he. She's a she.
BMrs. Buttonwood
I knew that. Is that her?
BMrs. Buttonwood
Of course, I do. Come here, dog!
[Alfina growls]
She doesn't seem to be responding to you.
BMrs. Buttonwood
We had a fight! She'll get over it.
Uh, do you suppose and, uh, mind you, this is just a thought, that you might be mistaken about this being your dog?
BMrs. Buttonwood
I lost a dog. You found a dog. Can we do business or not?
BMrs. Buttonwood
[gives Willie her a note] Here's my address and telephone number in case you change your mind.
BMrs. Buttonwood
[yelling] HAVE A NICE DAY!
[opens the door revealing it's Hannah] Hi, can I help you?
HHannah
I came to get my dog.
HHannah
This is her. This is my dog, Francesca. Can I have her back, please?
Oh, uh, no, wait. Um, before we give her to you we have to make sure she is your dog.
HHannah
Oh, she's my dog, alright. She's brown and white and shaggy, and she does tricks.
HHannah
The wrong tricks. Like, when I tell her to sit up and beg she rolls over and plays dead.
HHannah
My dad taught her that. He has a weird sense of humor.
[comes to the living room] I can't find Alfina anywhere.
Oh, we have a little problem. Uh.
Hannah. I'm Mr. Tanner. This is my wife, Mrs. Tanner.
And these are the Tanner siblings, Brian, Lynn.
Um, Hannah is here to pick up her dog. Uh-oh. Where is she? Actually, we don't know where she is just at the moment.
HHannah
Oh, no. I have to sit down.
You know, we did find your dog. I mean, Brian found your dog. It's just that she seems to have, wandered off.
Oh, Hannah. No, don't cry. We'll help you find your dog.
And if we can't, I can think of a suitable replacement.
BMrs. Buttonwood
[as she hears Willie knocking on the door] Shut up, you mutt! I'm coming! I'm coming! Keep your pants on! [opens the door] Oh, it's you.
Oh, I-I-I'm sorry, Mrs. Buttonwood I-I hope I'm not disturbing you.
BMrs. Buttonwood
Step inside, Tanner. You're letting all the flies out.
Hey-hey, hey. Alfina. Hey, how you doing, girl? You know, Mrs. Buttonwood, I-I-I'd really like to have her back.
BMrs. Buttonwood
I'd like to be Christie Brinkley. You learn to live with it.
But the dog's real owner came by today and she, she would love to have her back.
BMrs. Buttonwood
She can have her back.
BMrs. Buttonwood
For 500 bucks.
BMrs. Buttonwood
Bucks! You have a hearing problem?
But the dog's real owner is-is a little girl. And-and she misses her so much. You know, she was crying in my living room.
BMrs. Buttonwood
Aw. Breaks your heart, doesn't it? 500 BUCKS!
Cash. You can't be too careful.
BMrs. Buttonwood
There's a lot of slime out there.
BMrs. Buttonwood
You know, I don't have $500 cash on me.
BSMrs. Buttonwood's Ex-Boyfriend
[knocking from outside] Ethel! Open up!
BMrs. Buttonwood
My ex-boyfriend, that is, if he ain't short of a dollar and jealous to the bone. Just a minute, honey. I'm not dressed yet.
BSMrs. Buttonwood's Ex-Boyfriend
Ethel! You got a man in there?'
BMrs. Buttonwood
MAYBE THERE IS! You better get out of here while your face is still in the front.
But I, I haven't done anything.
BMrs. Buttonwood
I'll give you a rain check.
BMrs. Buttonwood
Oh, that's silly!
BMrs. Buttonwood
It's all boarded up. Vince threw the mailman through it last week.
[as he climbs out of the window]Oh, suddenly, that looks like quite a drop!
BMrs. Buttonwood
Don't be a wuss.
[falls down from Mrs. Buttonwood's window] Stop!
Why did you give Alfina to that mean lady?
I'm not playing with you anymore, ever! [Willie comes in] Dad, where's Alfina?
I'm sorry, Brian. I couldn't get her back.
Mrs. Buttonwood only wanted the dog so she could get $500 from the real owner.
It's all your fault, ALF! [runs off]
He's right. I got us into this. I'll get us out. Willie, can I borrow $500,000? I'll give it back to you next payday.
I meant your next payday.
Stay out of this. You're in enough hot water!
