Erik Estrada asked me directions and he gave me.. the guns!
"It was not Erik Estrada and it was the thumbs up sign!
Guns!
Thumbs up!
GUNS!
THUMBS UP!
S5 E15Mr. Right
S5 E21Jim's Best Friend
Cheryl, can Kyle swim?
I don't care. Hey, were's Andy? I thought you guys had that Indianapolis 500 thing?
Yeah, we did, but then he remembered he had a doctor's appointment. You know what? He's been on this health kick ever since he had those chest pains. I don't get it.
Hey, you know what? I'm going to do a few pages in our holiday scrap book later. Wanna help me?
I'm bored Cheryl, not somebody else.
RRyan
You had chest pains Andy. You know that's it, I'm taking your blood pressure.
As long as you don't do it rectally!
RRyan
Not if you were stuffed full of gold.
S6 E3Guinea Pygmalion
[Talking about the guinea pig Fluffy]
VVeterinarian
Are you Fluffy's father.
I'd like to think so, but he looks a lot like the mailman.
How's Fluffy?
Well, he needs surgery. It costs 2100 bucks.
Oh my God. When's it scheduled for?
Well, the same day that 2100 dollars falls from the sky.
"kay, honey I know it's a lot of money, but we're just gonna have to find some ways to make some cutbacks.
You know what, you're absolutely right. First cutback: Fluffy the guinea pig!
S6 E8Deliverance
[About looking after Dana while she's pregnant] Heroes aren't born...they're cornered.
S6 E17Any Man of Mine
Maybe something that will make you less miserable ... like two tickets two Les Misérables [pronounced less miserables]."
Cheryl, I don't think the gays have second base. Once you pick up the bat, it's a home run.
S7 E1Jim Almighty
When you go for beer, Gopherhoff?
S7 E2The Hot Wife
You know what always helps me when I'm not feeling sexy? Some good old-fashioned sex.
Are you crazy?
Yes. You know that.
Oh, honey. You know you're the only man for me. And you know when we're inside that bedroom, we are both only thinking about you.
S7 E10All Dolled Up
Jim [To his pregnant wife, who's upset she missed her daughter's "perfect" party] It wasn't perfect, alright? The doll place kicked us out, and we'll probably get sued! Isn't that great!?
S7 E15The Six-Week Curse
You know that wearing G.I. Joe underwear does not mean you're going commando.
S7 E16The Cheater
GGracie
There's no way that this milk can stretch over three bowls of cereal.
You know what? When your daddy was raised during the Great Depression . . . you know what we had to put in our cereal? Tears.
The Great Depression was in the 30s.
Honey, we were so poor that we couldn't afford calendars.
S8 E11The Daddy Way
PPhil
I'm a little worried, Jim. I don't know how I'm going to explain all this extra I've won to my wife.
That is the most pathetic sentence I have ever heard.
PPhil
I just think she's going to catch it. She gives me 40 bucks a week spending money.
I stand corrected: that is the most pathetic sentence I have ever heard.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's According to Jim pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.