I married her for her looks.
I married him for his money.
Hah! I win!
S2 E4The Pizza Boy
S2 E6Punch the Ruby
Dana, would you tell your sister her ass is not big?
But you are big, Jim.
Remember when dad took us to see 'The Exorcist'? I still have trouble going to bed sometimes!
Of course you do, you sleep with Jim!
S2 E7The Bachelor
You guys are not gonna believe this.
Not only am I not going to believe it, I won't care.
S2 E8Father Disfigure
Where's the rulebook?"
What rulebook?"
You know. The religious one . . . the Bible.
You know, I'm so used to calling you 'Beaky' that I never... What is your real name? First name?
RReverend
Gaylord.
S2 E10The Christmas Party
Well you know what Cheryl? I'm having a cutlery sale: 50% off every knife in my back!
S2 E12Moral Dilemma
Here's a language everybody understands. [Pulls out a bill]
Is that a one dollar bill Jim?
Yes. Dana, in their country this can clothe and feed an entire village for a year.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's According to Jim pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.