Jim quotes from According to Jim

Jim

Oh, honey, you smell so good. Did you have fries on the way home?

Jim

Honey, I had no choice. You told me I couldn't do it.

Jim

Well you know what Cheryl? I'm having a cutlery sale: 50% off every knife in my back!

Jim

Everyone, circumcise your watches.

Jim

Cheryl, books are for idiots!

Jim

The amazing thing about these little babies is that they give you the chance to start over.

Jim

[about World War II] Write this down. We win. They Lose. USA #1.

Jim

The toilet comes with a lifetime guarantee! So we'll never have to worry about buying another toilet. And when I die, Kyle will inherit the throne. It'll be like Shakespeare!

Jim

[About looking after Dana while she's pregnant] Heroes aren't born...they're cornered.

Jim

Maybe something that will make you less miserable ... like two tickets two Les Misérables [pronounced less miserables]."

Jim

Cheryl, I don't think the gays have second base. Once you pick up the bat, it's a home run.

Jim

When you go for beer, Gopherhoff?

Jim

You know what always helps me when I'm not feeling sexy? Some good old-fashioned sex.

Jim

You know that wearing G.I. Joe underwear does not mean you're going commando.

Jim

Unless I hit a home run, score a touchdown, or I ask you to, that is not okay!