[Talking about the guinea pig Fluffy]
VVeterinarian
Are you Fluffy's father.
I'd like to think so, but he looks a lot like the mailman.
S6 E3Guinea Pygmalion
How's Fluffy?
Well, he needs surgery. It costs 2100 bucks.
Oh my God. When's it scheduled for?
Well, the same day that 2100 dollars falls from the sky.
"kay, honey I know it's a lot of money, but we're just gonna have to find some ways to make some cutbacks.
You know what, you're absolutely right. First cutback: Fluffy the guinea pig!
S6 E8Deliverance
[About looking after Dana while she's pregnant] Heroes aren't born...they're cornered.
S6 E17Any Man of Mine
Maybe something that will make you less miserable ... like two tickets two Les Misérables [pronounced less miserables]."
Cheryl, I don't think the gays have second base. Once you pick up the bat, it's a home run.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's According to Jim pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.