RMr Randell
Well, uh, the truth is that, uh, I think Tommy could do a lot better.
Be careful sir. You're talking about the creature I've come to think of as my son.
S1Dick Like Me
[about Tommy's teacher, Mr Randell]
He's giving off this vibe? Can't you feel it?
Yes I think I do. Does it feel like a stabbing pain in your left buttock?
Uh, no.
[Dick reaches under his chair]
Then I appear to be sitting on a tack.
[Holds up a tack]
S1Assault With A Deadly Dick
What kind of a place is this where you can't wave handfuls of money around in the middle of the night?
Okay, let's get this straight; I don't care how much it costs, I don't care how difficult it is to accomplish, I want a security system that will guarantee every moment of our lives will be filled with a sense of absolute safety and contentment.
SSalesman
That would be the ElectroFort 2000. The alarm connects directly to our command center downtown, where we immediately dispatch trained patrol men to your door.
I see. I just have one question.
SSalesman
Sure.
Where do I bury my family after the burglars have pumped bullets into their skulls while your guys are strolling over?
DDon
Okay Mr. Solomon. It's time to finger your perp.
(points to Mary) Believe me I've tried but she just won't let me.
S1Father Knows Dick
You've got a thing in your head.
A thing?
Cranial micro receiver chip.
In my head.
But it's not in the part you use; it's in your brain.
Tomorrow there will be a pop quiz on the effects of thermodynamics. Remember it's a pop quiz; if you study, I'll know!
What matters most is life itself. And the greatest thing about life is not having a purpose; it's about finding a purpose.
S1Selfish Dick
I've seen stuff that would make your eyes burst out of your sockets and splatter against the wall... in fact, I've seen that, too.
A terrible injustice has been done.
SProfessor Suter
What?
[raising his voice] I said a great injustice has been done!
SProfessor Suter
[annoyed] I heard you. What's the big injustice?
Someone has taken something that rightfully belongs to you.
SProfessor Suter
What?
[raising his voice] I said someone has taken something that rightfully belongs to you!
S1See Dick Run
[Dick meets his replacement for the first time]
You! You're gorgeous!
[Dick is locked in an invisible box and feels the walls]
Oh my God! He's turned me into a mime!
[after learning that the "family" are returning to their home planet]
I wish I had a machine that could freeze time...
[Mary looks at him questioningly]
Unfortunately, I left it in my other jacket.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's 3rd Rock from the Sun pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.