Ross, if you think I'm going to wear this (bleep, bleep) sailor outfit, you can just (bleep, bleep)!
Alasdair, why did you get bleeped? And we weren't even using bad language.
You know, Vanessa you're right. I don't know what I said wrong.
(Alasdair is slimed. More bleeping is heard and James comes in with a remote control)
J James
Hey guys, have you seen this neat gizmo? It sure makes a cool bleeping noise.
J James
What do all those words mean?
You're too young to know James. That is what they call real bleeping.
Well. Is this what you have to present for Show and Tell Alasdair?
(Alasdair is standing apparently naked with a black square over his groin)
J Jodie
Kind of a funny color isn't it?
I can't see anything. (to the camera) Get rid of that stupid black band!
(the black square disappears to reveal Alasdair wearing Hawaiian shorts. Vanessa screams)
Hey, if you think that's neat, wait till you see what else my parents brought back from Hawaii! (puts on a lei.)
Ohhhh. (to the camera) Put the black band back! (the black square reappears) No! I mean on his face! (the black square moves over Alasdair's face.)
[Ross is washing Doug's mouth out with soap.]
There! Five minutes. That about to be enough time for you to clean your language young man!
Oh Ross, get me something to wash the taste away!
[Doug is drenched]
(Talking to the producer) I agree.
(Bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep)!
Worst (bleep) that I've ever heard.
How about five minutes more?
Open up. (Shoves the soap back in Doug's mouth.)
[Alasdair and Doug are changing clothes in their bedroom.]
What's the matter Alasdair? Are you shy or something?
But Alasdair, we're brothers. We've been changing in this room for years.
Yeah I know Doug, but look at this.
(Alasdair has a black square over his groin)
Oh Alasdair. This censorship stuff is getting ridiculous!
Yeah, so is having TV CAMERAS IN YOUR BEDROOM!! Well let's get em!
(grabbing a baseball bat) Ok, I'm going for a home run!
Ready? (Swings the bat at the camera)
FA Film announcer
(while all the kids sitting in the movie theater are cut down by a barrage of bullets) Coming soon to a theater near you, "RAMBO KILLS EVERYONE"! See Rambo shoot your friends. See him kill you! See Rambo shoot everyone in the whole world without having to reload his machine gun once. "RAMBO KILLS EVERYONE"!!!!
[Alasdair and Doug now have black squares over their groins]
Where do these things come from anyways?
Well afterwards they're put on as a special effect.
You mean they're not really here and the people in the studio can see whats underneath them?
Yep Doug, that's exactly right.
Yes Doug, they can all see your shorts.
(they step out of the black squares to reveal that they are wearing shorts)
[Mrs. Prevert has taken the soap out of Doug's Mouth.]
Young man, I certainly hope that washing your mouth off with this soap has taught you about using that kind of language.
I'm gonna be using that kind of language more from now on.
WHAT?! Didn't this teach you a lesson?
I love the taste of soap, it's fabulous.
[Mrs. Prevert screams as Doug bites more of the soap.]
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These quotes come from Wikiquote's You Can't Do That on Television pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License .
