You Can't Do That on Television · Season 4, Episode 8
(At Blip's Arkaid)
What's that game you're playing? I've never seen it before.
Well, it's brand new. It's a game desgined about the great outdoors and animals and trees and stuff like that.
Yeah, it looks okay. What's it called?
"Backpack-Man", of course.
Of course.
[ripping a piece of paper into small pieces and dropping them in the forest] Boy, am I ever smart. You see, I've been leaving a trail of all these little pieces of paper behind me so I can find my way back to camp and not get lost!
[Vanessa comes up behind him, having gathered up the pieces of paper]
Boy, Alasdair, are you ever a slob. You're ruining the beauty of this natural habitat. I've been picking up these pieces of paper for miles! By the way, where are we?
[grabs Vanessa by the neck and starts to strangle her] VANESSA!!!!!!
Now class, as we are going on a field trip, I think it is most important [points to the word "BASEX" written on the blackboard] that we know the basics of nature. Can anyone tell me what are the four natural elements of the universe? ... Lisa?
Earth.
Right, that's one. Kevin?
Air.
Yeah, that's right, that's two. Christine?
Uh... fire!
Right! And now, Vanessa. Can you tell me what the fourth element is?
Yeah, but I'm not going to.
Well Vanessa, either you tell me what the fourth element is, or you tell me you don't know.
Well, either way I get something dumped on me. [gets a look of resignation on her face] Okay, water.
[Vanessa is drenched.]
[laughing] Oh, it's moments like these that make teaching worthwhile.
"The Waltons Move To Mount St. Helens" will not be seen at this time due to a natural catastrophe. In its place, we present the following unnatural catastrophe.
So, Lisa, tell me. Did you enjoy your trip to the Grand Canyon?
I sure did, and Moose, the whole time I was there, I couldn't help thinking of you.
Really? That's nice. What made you think of me?
Well, you know, you and the Grand Canyon are so much alike: Shallow and dirty, and most of all, very, very wide at the bottom.
[She stomps her feet and laughs.]
It was funny!
[After the next sketch]
You know, Lisa, when you were talking about the Grand Canyon before?
Yeah.
Well, you remind me of the Colorado River, that's the river that runs through the Grand Canyon.
Oh, you mean I'm lyrical and romantic?
No, you're wet, twisted, loud, and you run on forever!
[Christine stomps her feet on Lisa's and laughs.]
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