Xena quotes from Xena: Warrior Princess

Gabrielle

Oh, Argo, Argo, Argo. Somebody walked by with an apple and she followed him home.

Xena

Hah!

Gabrielle

That's what horses do!

Xena

(to Argo) How did Ascius win you over? (Argo motions over to an apple tree) What? Apples? You left me for apples? Thanks, pal.

Xena

I don't ask for much. I just want my pony back. Where's Gabrielle?

Joxer

Nature called.

Gabrielle

No, it screamed like a wild banshee.

Xena

I need a volunteer ... I pick you.

Huh?

Xena

Yeah, don't be shy. Your mother wasn't

Xena

Everyone, gather around. Most of you are already packed and the rest of you need to hurry. It is time for you to go beyond the mountains, you'll be safe there until this is all over. I need to ask you to do something. You must destroy your village.

Destroy the village?

Xena

Burn it, rise it to the ground! Kill all cattle and poison the meat. We must leave nothing for the Romans to use, this land must be worthless to them! I know this is not an easy thing to do, it's where you grew up it's your home. Where you married, where you've raised your families but it is the only way. You can rebuilt when you come back. It is the only, way.

Autolycus

Don't tell me this is another one of virtue-is-its-own-reward jobs. Oh Xena, I thought better of you, I really did. You know, I might as well go back to Ormand. I've got a good thing going with the King's sister. I'm this close to the crown jewels and he doesn't suspect a thing.

Xena

He does now. I sent a second pigeon.

Xena

People of Peleos, may I present to you Philipon of Crete, Reformer of warlords, dancers and evil people. It's said that he once convinced the King of Thieves himself to do a good deed for no reward other than his own virtue.

The King of Thieves, that degenerate blowhard.

Autolycus

Beg your pardon?

Sinners like him never have the courage to be really successful. I'm sure he's just a fraud and an idiot.

Autolycus

Ha ha ha, no doubt. Would you excuse me? (to Xena) This plan of yours, does it involve humiliating that horse's ass?

Xena

Yep.

Autolycus

Then I'm in.

Gabrielle

What in Tartarus have you been carrying on these shoulders?

Xena

I wouldn't know. I try not to over analyze my life like some people.

Gabrielle

Some people say that an unexamined life is not worth living.

Xena

Those people haven't led my life.

You know what I've spent the last two years asking myself? How can that murdering bitch, Xena, send people away to be punished? You never had to pay for your crimes. That's always bothered me.

Xena

Then we have something in common. It's always bothered me too.

Najara

Would you like to join our mission?

Xena

What's your mission.

Najara

To fight Evil wherever we find it.

Xena

Can you be a little more specific?

Najara

It's a great curse to have seen one's death.

Xena

The djinn told you?

Najara

Yes, but not everything. Your vision, does it ...

Xena

Yes, it includes Gabrielle.

Najara

Does she know?

Xena

No.

Najara

That's fortunate for her.

Xena

Do you think it can be avoided?

Najara

Of course, I believe our destiny is in our hearts. But it will take drastic measures to change an event foreseen in your soul's eye.

Najara

The Light will triumph, Xena.

Xena

Quit preaching and fight!

Xena

Did you tell her about the vision?

Najara

No, that would hurt her and I don't ever want to do that. That's your job.

Gabrielle

Are you sure I was dying? Xena, the gods know that I have been tied to a cross before. You helped me then, what makes you think that this ‘vision' is different?

Xena

It was so real ... the way you looked ... the mountain in the background ... it's true, or it could be.

Gabrielle

Well, I'm not going to believe it.

Gabrielle

What happened?

Xena

I just got out-smarted by my own tactics.

Xena

It's alright, he just wants out.

Soon, soon I will see my son and I can name him.

Xena

And you can take him from me. What about us?

There is very little left of 'us' anymore, Xena. The only reason our two armies haven't crossed blades is because of a common purpose.

Xena

And what would that be? It certainly isn't Corinth, you can't convince me of that. No, there's only one reason why you stayed. You want to take this away from me.

As any father would. If my son stays here he'll become a target for your enemies. He'll see things a child should not see, and ...

Xena

He'll become like me.