WWF Superstars of Wrestling Season 1 quotes

And now, here's your host of the Flower Shop, Adorable Adrian!

Ha ha ha ha. Welcome to the highest rated show in television today, the Flower Shop! But unfortunately, unfortunately, my guest, what the hell, Rowdy Roddy Piper. Pretty slow. He needs a weapon.

(Piper coming out with a stick) You're looking very well today. I'd say about a 34B wouldn't you? Wait, wait, wait! I did not come here to cause trouble Pinky. No, I did not come here to insult you and tell you that you look like you need the home pregnancy test. I did not come here for that. No! No sir, I came here for a reason. I've got something for you. I have here statistics of the WWF ratings and if you gentlemen and you too Adrian wouldn't mind, I would love to read them for you. We have viewers watching us right now, seven million men, six--

The Flower Shop. Go on.

Six million women--

Greatest show on Earth.

3.8 million teenagers, a total of over two hundred television stations.

The Flower Shop! The Flower Shop!

Twenty million people a week watch this.

The Flower Shop! Come on, come on, say it!

The first thirty five minutes of the program is watched by the total audience.

Come on, the Flower Shop! Come on! Come on!

There is something about the Flower Shop, there is. It says right here that around the thirty-five minute mark comes the Flower Shop and it has been the number one rated for constipation in the world because everybody is in the bathroom! And not only that, I got this for you! (hands a telegram to Jimmy Hart)

Read that!

(reading) "The World Wrestling Federation television network please advise that the Flower Shop will not be presented next week in order that we may present a return of Piper's Pit"!!!

Well you know I gotta say something though McMahon is that I talk to Koko (B. Ware) and Koko defintiely says I can call him Buckwheat.

I beg your Pardon

Yeah he says I can call him Buckwheat I can refer to him when he wrestlers.

I don't think so.

This is Jesse "The Body" Ventura of The World Wrestling Federation and I'm here with The Honky Tonk Man and Honky Tonk Man, the time is at hand the votes have come into The World Wrestling Federation. The big issue is do they approve you or do they disapprove you and let me tell you right now 674,983 votes we're cast Honky Tonk Man by the World Wrestling Federation.

Woo, that makes me feel good, i knew they love me. I knew the World Wrestling Federation people, I knew they vote for the Honky Tonk Man. I knew they still love me.

Wait a minute, I say 674,983 votes we're cast Honky Tonk Man, BUT 71,111 fans say they like you.

They did what?

603,000 people said Honky Tonk Man, we don't dig your style, We don't like your piece of hair. Take a hike back to Memphis,Tennessee.

I don't think you got the figures right Jesse, that can't be true.

It's the truth man, is sorry that it is.

That is it, I'm going to the World Wrestling Federation offices of that fat Jack Tunney. I'll get to the bottom of this.

The man is upset, the Honky Tonk Man by the wishes of the fans they don't dig him. I don't think the greaseball can't handle him.

Nineteen hundred and eighty seven and I'm still alive!! In the true fashion of Piper's Pit, I have something that you can tell very prestigious and possibly the most important Pit I have ever done in my life. Obviously, we have here a presentation and to do the presentation, I would like the president of the WWF, Jack Tunney to please come out here and issue the presentation.

Thank you.

Pleasure to have you here.

Ladies and gentlemen, we are very delighted to help honor a very special man on a very special occasion. Let me read what it says on this trophy. "Three years ago this week, you captured the WWF heavyweight championship belt in a memorable battle. You are one of the greatest athletes in the history of sports. You are a champion who has raised wrestling to heights never before scaled. You are one of America's most patriotic citizens. You are loved and idolized by men, women and children of all ages. You are the single most recognizable star in the entire world. We salute you on the third anniversary of your reign. Let's all honor the one and only, Hulk Hogan!"

It's yours!

Unbelievable. You know, January 23rd, 1984 when I won the world title, I knew there was something special man. I knew there was some kind of electricity. But I never believed three long years down the road, thousands of people just like you would all turn into hulkamaniacs. And to receive an award for something I believe in, the training, say your prayers and eat your vitamins, to be rewarded for living this thing, this is unbelievable. This has got to be just as great as I won the world title. This has got to be just as great as the first time I saw all you hulkamaniacs. And from here, it's higher and higher we go. This is unbelievable. Unbelievable.

Whoa! Ladies and gentlemen, Hulk Hogan's best friend, Andre the Giant! I'm sure you've come here for congratulations and I'm sure you have something to say.

Three years to be a champion. It's a long time.

A long time yes.

Well, well, nice trophy, a nice trophy here. Here you go Hogan, thanks to you. World's heavyweight champion, Hulk Hogan!

Yeah, you can tell it's 1987 by the way I wash my hair. We have real special Pit again this week as you can see, standing to my right. We had an exceptional one last week and without further ado, I would like to again bring out the president of the WWF, Jack Tunney to present this special award. Mr. Jack Tunney.

Thank you very much Roddy. We are very pleased to honor another extraordinary WWF hero. I'll read what's on the trophy. "This man is the all time greatest athlete in the history of wrestling. This man is the only undefeated wrestler in the WWF's history. Please join me and saluting the one and only Andre the Giant!"

[As Andre comes out] In living color, Andre the Giant! This is a very special and prestigious award and you are very deservedly so. You are a tremendous athlete and I am proud to be part of giving you this award and I am sure that you must have some things to say to your many many fans.

Well, yeah. I have only one thing to say.

I'm more excited about this I think than you are Andre! You know, this is about time man that they recognize the greatest athlete of all times! Not only is he undefeated man, Andre the Giant is the greatest role model. When I had to pattern myself, I wanted to be like Andre. His sense of fair play, the sportsmanship, the way all over the world he's been kind to all the little kids. Andre the Giant is number one and WWF, I'd like to thank you for recognizing in my book, the real champion of superstars all over the world, that's Andre--

I'm sure, I'm sure that-- [Sees that Andre is gone]

That's the biggest package of modesty you'll ever see. How about it for Andre?

I promised it to you this week. I ain't gonna fool around, I promised-- (Jesse Ventura grabs the mic)

Hey, I got one thing to say Piper, my man is here. The man who I promised is here. What about you?

My man you're talking about?

My man's here.

Ladies and gentlemen, would you please welcome the heavyweight champion of the world, Hulk Hogan! (Hogan comes out) My man is here!

I'm impressed and I don't impress easy. Now, for this discussion, may I present, fifteen years undefeated, the eighth wonder of the world, seven foot four, five hundred pounds, (Bobby Heenan leads Andre the Giant out) Andre-- woah! the Giant!

Wait! What's going on here? Hold on man. What are you doing with him? You guys aren't together, come on man. Andre, what are you doing here with Heenan? What's wrong? Andre, man, you can't be here with him. Don't you know what Heenan's done to me? To these people out here since you've been gone? It can't be so! Andre, listen to me, day one when I set my eyes on you brother, you're the reason why I got in professional wrestling. You were like a god to me, a role model! You can't be here with him man! You're the one who took me all the way from nothing to the world's title! Andre, you can't be with him man.

Let me tell you something--

No, no, wait one minute! You're the one who taught me man about respect for the fans, about helping the kids. You're the one who taught me good sportsmanship. You set the mold for me to follow man! What are you doing here with him?

I'll tell you what he's doing here with me. He's sick and tired of you and what you stand for! Let me tell you something Hogan, you're the one that for three years as world's champion used this man! You're also the varmint that made this man tick! I can't tell you what they think of! You used this man! They gave him a trophy, but no that wasn't good enough. It was a lower trophy than yours. But you had to walk out and steal that moment! You're so jealous of this man, you can't stand it! This is the man for fifteen years that is undefeated! But did you ever once--

No man, you're wrong! You're wrong, you're wrong! The day when I won the world title, he poured champagne over my head! It was like a bond of friendship. You're wrong Heenan!

Did you ever once, once in your life offer him a championship match? You laughed behind his back!

No Andre! Listen, it's not happening! Tell me it's not so man! Even you came here with him, you don't have to leave with him! (places his hands on Andre) It's not happening!

Take your hands off my shoulders!

He's got one more thing to say to you Hogan!

Look at me when I'm talking to you! I'm here for one reason, to challenge you for the world championship match in WrestleMania!

Andre, please no it's not happening man. We're friends! We're friends Andre, please!

You can't believe it? Maybe you'll believe this Hogan!

Andre, what are you doing man? You can't leave like this man! What are you doing Andre? You can't, my cross, the shirt! What's wrong with him man? He can't leave like this!

You're bleeding.

It's not, Andre come back man! You don't have to leave like this! What has he done?

You're bleeding. You're bleeding. Come. Come.

[after some discussion with everyone] Gentlemen, gentlemen, please. We are here for the most auspicious signing for any title match in history as you all know. Let me introduce just for the record some of the dignitaries who are with us at this time for this historic event. First of all, Bobby "The Brain" Heenan representing the challenger, the eighth wonder of the world from Grenoble France, Andre the Giant. To my right, the heavyweight champion of the world from Venice Beach, California, Hulk Hogan and to my immediate left, the distinguished president of the World Wrestling Federation, Mr. Jack Tunney. Mr. Tunney, get on with the proceedings.

Would you please sign on the dotted line Mr. Roussimoff?

Woah, woah, woah, slow down here Mr. Tunney, Mr. president. A few things I want to go over with you first. When we had a discussion about this championship belt, I want a new championship belt.

That's agreed.

This one was made and designed for this human being and I use that term very very loosely. I want one made that will fit a man. Fit a giant of a man. Somebody that can represent the world of professional wrestling, not this man. [tosses the title aside] And another thing, I just want you to get something straight Hogan. Fifteen years, this man's gone undefeated. The three years you've been world's champion, you've talked behind his back! You've laughed at him! You never gave this man once an opportunity! Now, he's got that opportuni--

[pounds table] SIGN IT IF YOU'RE GONNA SIGN IT!!

Will you sign under his name Mr. Hogan?

I've signed a lot of things. Signed a lot of contracts, I never thought it would come to this. I thought it was you (Bobby) man! But it's both of you, you're both sick! You're both sick! If you had wanted a title shot, all you had to do was ask me. I'd a gave you anything man. Andre, you were bigger than the world title to me! Yeah, I'll sign it and I'll get your attention too at WrestleMania. When you tore my shirt off man, when you tore the cross, you tore the heart and soul out of all the little Hulksters man! Not just me! We're gonna get your attention man! We're gonna get your attention!

Now that you signed that contract, you think I told you everything I know in professional wrestling? But I didn't and believe me, WrestleMania III will be your last lesson. Et ça va vraiment me faire plaisir de le faire, crois-moi. Parce que pour la dernière fois...

Speak to me in English when you talk to me! As far as I'm concerned, it's not signed in ink, it's signed in blood!

If you want me to speak in English, I will speak in the ring at WrestleMania. Au Revior.

Wait a minute, the Islanders are in the ring. They're going to work on Him, Haku and Tama hammering away on Rick Martel.

Right where Martel needs a partner, he ain't got one.

Martel getting whipped from post to post. Setting up look at that manuever. Haku and Tama of the Islanders.

Beautiful teaming right there, beautiful.

That's Tito Santana

What is this?

Santana hammering away on the Islanders.

This is disrespectful, I've never seen so despicable since when Bruno (Sammartino) attacked The Macho Man (Randy Savage).

All right ladies and gentlemen. With me at this time, Bobby "the Brain" Heenan. Mr. Heenan, I must say you've been skeptical. Last week, you promised that you were going to produce Paul "Mr. Wonderful" Orndorff here and I truly want to compliment you.

Let me tell you something, I don't lie. If I say I'm going to have something here, I've got something here. I want to prove to you like I've said before that Mr. Wonderful will admit to you about Ravishing Rick Rude's body. He will admit that he is glad to have him in the family. Mr. Wonderful, please come on up here!

Well, here he comes, we will indeed get the word from Mr. Wonderful Paul Orndorff.

Mr. Wonderful, I want you to tell the people and set the record straight how glad you are that Ravishing Rick Rude is in the Bobby Heenan Family and that he has the greatest physique in the family, in wrestling, in sports today!

Orndorff?

You really want to know?

You tell him how you really welcome him with open arms, how you are blessed that I have him in the family. I've got Bam Bam Bigelow just about signed. Everything's going our way and how you approved of everything.

You really want to know?

You tell the humanoids about Rick Rude's body. That he's got the best body. You've got a great body but his is like that much better. You tell them.

You REALLY want to know?

I want to know.

Hold on. Well I'm going to tell you what I think. First of all, Rick Rude does not have a better body than Mr. Wonderful! [takes off his robe] No!

No, no, tell them what you told me.

And second of all, I'm sick and I'm tired, I'm sick and I'm tired, I'm sick and I'm tired of lying to you, and lying to those people,...

Come on, get a hold of yourself!

...and lying to myself!

Paul, I made you a star! I made you what you are today!

You made me nothing but misery! Misery!

What about the family, Paul?!

What about the family? I'm going to tell what I think of Rick Rude and the Bobby Heenan family! [spits] That's what I think! And I'm going to tell you something else! I'm going to tell you something else that you've heard before, YOU'RE FIRED!!! Hey, in case you didn't understand, read my lips, YOU'RE FIRED!!!

Get a hold of yourself!

And I'm going to tell you something else, I'm going to introduce to you my new manager, Oliver Humperdink!!!!

Paul, you don't know what you're doing!

The new manager of Mr. Wonderful Paul Orndorff, Oliver Humperdink! That's certainly a damaging blow to the stability of the Heenan Family!

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to my guests. First, the bodyguard Virgil, and of course, the "Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase. Yes, Mr. DiBiase, a man who's been trying to prove to us that everyone has a price.

Well, I would guess by now that all of you would have started to believe, believe what I've been trying to tell you since I came to the World Wrestling Federation. Believe that indeed, each and every one of you does have a price for the Million Dollar Man. I've proved it to you week after week after week. You say how? You've seen clumsy little kids try to dribble basketballs for some of my money; you've seen stupid, uncoordinated little kids trying to do just ten push-ups for some of my money; you've seen women get down on their hands and knees and bark like a dog for some of my money. You've even seen people get in the ring, get down on their hands and knees, and kiss my stinking, sweaty feet for some of my money. Why, I've even bought the producer of this television show; he didn't come cheap, but he had his price.

Everybody's everybody.

Everybody is every man, woman, and child in this arena! Every one of you has a price for the Million Dollar Man. Everybody is you, all you people at home enjoying watching the Million Dollar Man on television. Every one of you has a price for me. And you know who else "everybody" is?

What do you mean "who else"? Everybody's ev...everybody's everybody.

Wrong. Everybody's not everybody. Everybody is, now read my lips...Hulk Hogan.

Hulk Hogan?! What are you trying to say, Hulk Hogan?!

What am I trying to say? I'll tell you what I'm trying to say. Everybody, nobody excluded, everybody has a price for the Million Dollar Man. And over the next several weeks, I'm going to prove it to you in the biggest way I know how. I'm going to buy the World Wrestling Federation Heavyweight Championship! That's right, baby! It's gonna be mine! Lock, stock, and barrel!

Ladies and gentlemen, indeed for weeks, the suspense has been building. As we've heard from Ted Dibiase time and time again, he says everyone has a price. Recently, he says that everyone includes the World Wrestling Federation Heayvweight Champion Hulk Hogan. Right now, let us end all of our speculations. Please welcome the World Wrestling Federation Heavyweight Champion, Hulk Hogan!!

The Hulkster on his way to deliver the message. And I know Jesse, your ears are very keenly awaiting the results.

He's nodding yes already!

Champ, your comments please.

Well you know, thinking about money 24 hours a day can make you a little goofy you know. I thought about how it would turn my life around if I had all the money I wanted, it would change me completely. I could have a new car in every garage. I could take care of my family the way I want it to. Accepting the offer from the Millon Dollar Man? Oh yeah, it would make this possible. I could do all that and more. New cars, family would be set up. I'd never have to fight for anything again. Accepting the offer from the Million Dollar Man would also change a few other things. All those little teeny Hulksters that would physically aren't as capable as me, I would help them out. All those little teeny Hulksters that mentally aren't right on the money, we could help them out. But oh yeah man. Accepting the mega offer from the Multi-Million Dollar Man would change my life completely. [removes the title from his waist] Thinking about that, thinking about all the little Hulksters, thinking about all the money we could have, how easy it would be. On behalf of all the little Hulksters and myself, I'm going to have to tell the Million Dollar Man.........HELL NOOOOOOOOO!!! Ted Dibiase, if you want to try to have the World Wrestling Federation Heavyweight Title, come and try and get it!!

All right, what about it, Jesse Ventura? Hulk Hogan does not have his price for the Millon Dollar Man!

I tell you what I think about this, he's a fool! I think he made a total mistake. The man could've retired, did it honorably, been a multi-millionaire, and lived happily ever after. I think he's a fool and he made the wrong choice.

February 5th, 1988, will go down in World Wrestling Federation history as a day of infamy. Never before has there been such controversy to surround a World Wrestling Federation Championship match. Despite having viewed, time and again, the videotape of the Hogan/Andre match, the decision of the referee is, as always, unfortunately final. Therefore, Hulk Hogan is not the World Wrestling Federation Champion.

Thank you! You know, in order to love, you must have a big brain. And speaking of brains, my guest this week is the biggest brain of the World Wrestling Federation. Please welcome my dear close personal friend, Brother Brain Bobby Heenan.

These two guys were made for each other.

Why do you say that?

Welcome, Brother Brain.

Thank you very very much. You know, I am just full of love. It's just bubbling out of me right now because you see, there's been some changes in the Bobby Heenan family. I'm going to increase the size of the Bobby Heenan family. What I'm going to do in the weeks and months to come is add new members. New members and do the most I can to spread love. And at this particular point in time, I am going to bring up a gentleman. Now this gentleman is the newest member of the Bobby Heenan family. Now, he's limited when it comes to wrestling, he's limited when it comes to size, he's limited when it comes to a won and loss record, but I'm going to make this man the next big superstar in the world of professional wrestling. And if the gentleman can come out right now, his name is Mr. Terry Taylor.

Thank you Brother Love, it's a pleasure to be here.

Now as you can see, the man is limited when it comes to size.

I'm not too small. I'm alright. About the right size.

But you're not big like Andre the Giant.

Nope, it's true. It's true.

And he's limited when it comes to being muscular.

I'm pretty muscular at 240 pounds.

But you're not cut up, you're not that strong like Ravishing Rick Rude.

That's true.

And you don't possess the ability of martial arts like the great King Haku.

That's true, but I'm a pretty good wrestler on my own.

But you're going to become better, and I don't know how much pain you can endure, what your threshold is, which is limited. I mean, your won and loss record isn't that great.

Well, I haven't lost 'em all!

But you haven't won 'em all.

That's true Brain, that's true.

And I am going to take you to the top of this great sport of professional wrestling. Because you see, as limited as you are, by not being that muscular, by not having a great great gift at this sport of wrestling. There is one thing though. One thing, one added factor, one ingredient that will make you a superstar, that will make you a great star and that is me! Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. So I suggest you follow me young man, follow me to stardom!

Now just how much love can one man have? Look at Brother Brain continuing to spread love! I loooove you! I looove you!

Will this guy ever stop smiling?

He's a happy guy.

And you say he's sincere. We'll be right back.

I am the Genius, Lanny Poffo. That means an awful lot.