Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to my guests. First, the bodyguard Virgil, and of course, the "Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase. Yes, Mr. DiBiase, a man who's been trying to prove to us that everyone has a price.
TTed
Well, I would guess by now that all of you would have started to believe, believe what I've been trying to tell you since I came to the World Wrestling Federation. Believe that indeed, each and every one of you does have a price for the Million Dollar Man. I've proved it to you week after week after week. You say how? You've seen clumsy little kids try to dribble basketballs for some of my money; you've seen stupid, uncoordinated little kids trying to do just ten push-ups for some of my money; you've seen women get down on their hands and knees and bark like a dog for some of my money. You've even seen people get in the ring, get down on their hands and knees, and kiss my stinking, sweaty feet for some of my money. Why, I've even bought the producer of this television show; he didn't come cheap, but he had his price.
Now, what does that tell you? I'll tell you what it tells the Million Dollar Man: that everybody, yes, everybody has a price for the Million Dollar Man. Now, you know who "everybody" is?
TTed
Everybody is every man, woman, and child in this arena! Every one of you has a price for the Million Dollar Man. Everybody is you, all you people at home enjoying watching the Million Dollar Man on television. Every one of you has a price for me. And you know who else "everybody" is?
What do you mean "who else"? Everybody's ev...everybody's everybody.
TTed
Wrong. Everybody's not everybody. Everybody is, now read my lips...Hulk Hogan.
Hulk Hogan?! What are you trying to say, Hulk Hogan?!
TTed
What am I trying to say? I'll tell you what I'm trying to say. Everybody, nobody excluded, everybody has a price for the Million Dollar Man. And over the next several weeks, I'm going to prove it to you in the biggest way I know how. I'm going to buy the World Wrestling Federation Heavyweight Championship! That's right, baby! It's gonna be mine! Lock, stock, and barrel!
GThe Genius
Behold this humble entourage. Their heads are bowed in reverence at the very slightest whisper of one name.
Exalting in his splendor, which is altogether fitting of the people and the land from whence he came.
False monarchies are commonplace as kingdoms rise and fall. But I, the Genius, full of glory and reknown,
Say the Macho Man is everything that everybody, everywhere would ever, ever want to wear a crown.
I say this king deserves a queen beside him on the throne, and Sherri is the fairest in the land.
Nobody else is worthy of this monumental honor and regal splendor of his royal hand.
We witnessed the dethroning of one Jim "The Hacksaw" Duggan, whose crown and throne are in a state of ravage.
I now remove my mortarboard and place it near my heart, and thus proclaim you Macho King Randy Savage.
[as Mr. Perfect puts a royal robe on Savage] Look at this. Look at that robe.
And it says "King" on the back.
Wonder if the King's gonna share a few words with us.
TDTed DiBiase
Wait a minute. The Million Dollar Man has a gift. A gift worthy only of a king. So to you, the newly crowned Macho King Randy Savage, I give you this gift a king should never be without. This golden scepter. Solid golden scepter.
[Ted DiBiase, Slick and the Big Boss Man have left Jake "The Snake" Roberts handcuffed to the ring ropes, taking Jake's bag, which contains Damian and the Million Dollar Belt to the Brother Love Show.]
My, my, my, what do we have here?!
TDTed DiBiase
What we have here, Brother Love, is another shining example of what I've said time after time after time. There's nothing in this world that the Million Dollar Man's money cannot buy. Everything I want, I get; everything I pay for is delivered to me; and a long time ago, I bought and paid for the most beautiful championship belt ever created. $1 million worth of the purest gold and diamonds that you've ever laid eyes on. And you, Jake "The Snake" Roberts, you have the gall to stick your slithering, slimy hands on my belt, on my property, and stole something that didn't belong to you. And what do you do, Brother Love, when you're dealing with a thief? You go get the police! [Boss Man laughs...] And I went out and I bought [...then stops] the best police protection that money can buy. That's right, and I'd like to thank you, Slick, right here publicly for a job well done. You were very well paid, and the services were rendered; [to Boss Man] and you were very well paid, now it's time to deliver.
BBBig Boss Man
Wait a minute. What's this about money? What's this about a payoff?
SSlick
Wait a minute, brotha! I wouldn't call it a payoff. Let's just say Mr. DiBiase has given us a small token of his esteem. Let's just say a little donation.
BBBig Boss Man
"Donation"?! It doesn't sound like a donation to me! You told me I was gonna go out and retrieve stolen property; you didn't say nothin' about no payoff!
TTed
Wait a minute! What's going on here, Slick? Let me tell you something. I bought and paid for your services, now it's time to deliver. Boss Man, you have been paid, now it's time to deliver the goods! So stick your hand in the bag and pull out my belt and give it to me!
BBBig Boss Man
Well, wait a minute, you fat-faced punk! Nobody tells the Big Boss Man what to do!
TTed
Let me tell you something, Boss Man. It's not the money, because any man with any brains would not refuse the kind of money I'm giving you. What it is is you're just plain scared. You're just afraid to stick your hand in that bag and get my belt. So if you're scared, just say you're scared.
BBBig Boss Man
Look in my eyes, boy! Do I look like a man that's scared of anything?! Well, let me tell you something. I'm not scared of any beast, man or life, and I especially ain't scared of you! I'll tell you what, boy. I'm gonna show you what "scared" is; I'm gonna show what afraid.
[Reaches into the bag...]
What's he doing? He's going into the bag! Big Boss Man is going in the bag. He has the Million Dollar Belt
BBBig Boss Man
This is what your money bought and paid for. Well, if you want it, you're gonna have to get it the old-fashioned way—you're gonna have to earn it!
[Boss Man stuffs the belt back into the bag]
TTed
What?! Slick, what's he doing?!
BBBig Boss Man
I may be a lot of things, boy, but I can't be bought, and I sure ain't no thief!