Piper quotes from WWF Superstars of Wrestling

And now, here's your host of the Flower Shop, Adorable Adrian!

Ha ha ha ha. Welcome to the highest rated show in television today, the Flower Shop! But unfortunately, unfortunately, my guest, what the hell, Rowdy Roddy Piper. Pretty slow. He needs a weapon.

(Piper coming out with a stick) You're looking very well today. I'd say about a 34B wouldn't you? Wait, wait, wait! I did not come here to cause trouble Pinky. No, I did not come here to insult you and tell you that you look like you need the home pregnancy test. I did not come here for that. No! No sir, I came here for a reason. I've got something for you. I have here statistics of the WWF ratings and if you gentlemen and you too Adrian wouldn't mind, I would love to read them for you. We have viewers watching us right now, seven million men, six--

The Flower Shop. Go on.

Six million women--

Greatest show on Earth.

3.8 million teenagers, a total of over two hundred television stations.

The Flower Shop! The Flower Shop!

Twenty million people a week watch this.

The Flower Shop! Come on, come on, say it!

The first thirty five minutes of the program is watched by the total audience.

Come on, the Flower Shop! Come on! Come on!

There is something about the Flower Shop, there is. It says right here that around the thirty-five minute mark comes the Flower Shop and it has been the number one rated for constipation in the world because everybody is in the bathroom! And not only that, I got this for you! (hands a telegram to Jimmy Hart)

Read that!

(reading) "The World Wrestling Federation television network please advise that the Flower Shop will not be presented next week in order that we may present a return of Piper's Pit"!!!

Nineteen hundred and eighty seven and I'm still alive!! In the true fashion of Piper's Pit, I have something that you can tell very prestigious and possibly the most important Pit I have ever done in my life. Obviously, we have here a presentation and to do the presentation, I would like the president of the WWF, Jack Tunney to please come out here and issue the presentation.

Thank you.

Pleasure to have you here.

Ladies and gentlemen, we are very delighted to help honor a very special man on a very special occasion. Let me read what it says on this trophy. "Three years ago this week, you captured the WWF heavyweight championship belt in a memorable battle. You are one of the greatest athletes in the history of sports. You are a champion who has raised wrestling to heights never before scaled. You are one of America's most patriotic citizens. You are loved and idolized by men, women and children of all ages. You are the single most recognizable star in the entire world. We salute you on the third anniversary of your reign. Let's all honor the one and only, Hulk Hogan!"

It's yours!

Unbelievable. You know, January 23rd, 1984 when I won the world title, I knew there was something special man. I knew there was some kind of electricity. But I never believed three long years down the road, thousands of people just like you would all turn into hulkamaniacs. And to receive an award for something I believe in, the training, say your prayers and eat your vitamins, to be rewarded for living this thing, this is unbelievable. This has got to be just as great as I won the world title. This has got to be just as great as the first time I saw all you hulkamaniacs. And from here, it's higher and higher we go. This is unbelievable. Unbelievable.

Whoa! Ladies and gentlemen, Hulk Hogan's best friend, Andre the Giant! I'm sure you've come here for congratulations and I'm sure you have something to say.

Three years to be a champion. It's a long time.

A long time yes.

Well, well, nice trophy, a nice trophy here. Here you go Hogan, thanks to you. World's heavyweight champion, Hulk Hogan!

Yeah, you can tell it's 1987 by the way I wash my hair. We have real special Pit again this week as you can see, standing to my right. We had an exceptional one last week and without further ado, I would like to again bring out the president of the WWF, Jack Tunney to present this special award. Mr. Jack Tunney.

Thank you very much Roddy. We are very pleased to honor another extraordinary WWF hero. I'll read what's on the trophy. "This man is the all time greatest athlete in the history of wrestling. This man is the only undefeated wrestler in the WWF's history. Please join me and saluting the one and only Andre the Giant!"

[As Andre comes out] In living color, Andre the Giant! This is a very special and prestigious award and you are very deservedly so. You are a tremendous athlete and I am proud to be part of giving you this award and I am sure that you must have some things to say to your many many fans.

Well, yeah. I have only one thing to say.

I'm more excited about this I think than you are Andre! You know, this is about time man that they recognize the greatest athlete of all times! Not only is he undefeated man, Andre the Giant is the greatest role model. When I had to pattern myself, I wanted to be like Andre. His sense of fair play, the sportsmanship, the way all over the world he's been kind to all the little kids. Andre the Giant is number one and WWF, I'd like to thank you for recognizing in my book, the real champion of superstars all over the world, that's Andre--

I'm sure, I'm sure that-- [Sees that Andre is gone]

That's the biggest package of modesty you'll ever see. How about it for Andre?

I promised it to you this week. I ain't gonna fool around, I promised-- (Jesse Ventura grabs the mic)

Hey, I got one thing to say Piper, my man is here. The man who I promised is here. What about you?

My man you're talking about?

My man's here.

Ladies and gentlemen, would you please welcome the heavyweight champion of the world, Hulk Hogan! (Hogan comes out) My man is here!

I'm impressed and I don't impress easy. Now, for this discussion, may I present, fifteen years undefeated, the eighth wonder of the world, seven foot four, five hundred pounds, (Bobby Heenan leads Andre the Giant out) Andre-- woah! the Giant!

Wait! What's going on here? Hold on man. What are you doing with him? You guys aren't together, come on man. Andre, what are you doing here with Heenan? What's wrong? Andre, man, you can't be here with him. Don't you know what Heenan's done to me? To these people out here since you've been gone? It can't be so! Andre, listen to me, day one when I set my eyes on you brother, you're the reason why I got in professional wrestling. You were like a god to me, a role model! You can't be here with him man! You're the one who took me all the way from nothing to the world's title! Andre, you can't be with him man.

Let me tell you something--

No, no, wait one minute! You're the one who taught me man about respect for the fans, about helping the kids. You're the one who taught me good sportsmanship. You set the mold for me to follow man! What are you doing here with him?

I'll tell you what he's doing here with me. He's sick and tired of you and what you stand for! Let me tell you something Hogan, you're the one that for three years as world's champion used this man! You're also the varmint that made this man tick! I can't tell you what they think of! You used this man! They gave him a trophy, but no that wasn't good enough. It was a lower trophy than yours. But you had to walk out and steal that moment! You're so jealous of this man, you can't stand it! This is the man for fifteen years that is undefeated! But did you ever once--

No man, you're wrong! You're wrong, you're wrong! The day when I won the world title, he poured champagne over my head! It was like a bond of friendship. You're wrong Heenan!

Did you ever once, once in your life offer him a championship match? You laughed behind his back!

No Andre! Listen, it's not happening! Tell me it's not so man! Even you came here with him, you don't have to leave with him! (places his hands on Andre) It's not happening!

Take your hands off my shoulders!

He's got one more thing to say to you Hogan!

Look at me when I'm talking to you! I'm here for one reason, to challenge you for the world championship match in WrestleMania!

Andre, please no it's not happening man. We're friends! We're friends Andre, please!

You can't believe it? Maybe you'll believe this Hogan!

Andre, what are you doing man? You can't leave like this man! What are you doing Andre? You can't, my cross, the shirt! What's wrong with him man? He can't leave like this!

You're bleeding.

It's not, Andre come back man! You don't have to leave like this! What has he done?

You're bleeding. You're bleeding. Come. Come.