Hello, ladies! You know something? For the next couple of days, [points to right leg] this leg will be known as Christmas, and [points to left leg] this leg will be known as New Years. So ladies, why don't y'all come visit the Big Valbowski between the holidays.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[DLo and Mark Henry are in the ring because of PMS' S&M stunt on Mark the previous night. When Terri Runnels says there's more in store for him...]
DBDLo Brown
Now what you need to do, you need to back up, you two glorified ring rats!!! You need to keep your damn distance, especially after what you did to Mark Henry last week! You damn sure recognize and damn sure lucky that I'm a gentleman otherwise- [DX music kicks in and Chyna comes to the ring]
CChyna
He may be a gentleman but I'm not, and I'm telling you [to Jackie] for the first time, for the last time - [to Terri whose back is to her] look at me when I'm talking to you, the ONLY TIME... [points to Mark Henry] Stay away from my man!
[Mark Henry is overjoyed but gets ecstatic when Chyna shoves Jackie to the mat for mocking her. PMS leaves]
CChyna
Next time, I'm not gonna be so ladylike! [to Mark] And I'll see you later.
[The Rock is livid that Vince caved to Mankind's demand for a WWF title match just to spare Shane from a broken shoulder]
I'm the damn champ. How could you just give in so damn easy? Regardless of who it is, I'm not even ready, the Rock doesn't have his clothes, he got nothing... [Shane and Vince talk over him]
He nearly broke my left shoulder.
It's my son, dammit!
The Rock doesn't have his clothes. I'm the champ and then now all of a sudden, I gotta face Mankind?!
It's my son!!
I know it's your damn son but dammit I...
[as they all walk to the backstage] Go get ready, you're a champion! C'mon, get ready, you're a champion!
[During the No-Disqualification WWF Championship match]
DX and the Corporate Team are going at it!
Look out! [Glass shatters] What?! Oh no!
Stone Cold is here! Stone Cold is here!
Look out, Mr. McMahon! The Rattlesnake is here!
[Austin enters the ring and nails The Rock on the head with a chair]
Stone Cold with a chair! [Austin drapes Mankind on top of The Rock] He pulled Mankind on The Rock!
[as Hebner counts] No! No! [Three count] Don't do it! [arena erupts]
TCTony Chimel
Here is your winner and the NEW World Wrestling Federation Champion: Mankind!
[over the announcement] Oh my God, no!
Mankind did it! Mick Foley did it!
No, Stone Cold did it!
Mankind has achieved his dream, and the dream of everyone else who's been told, "you can't do it"!
No! You can't do it! You can't do this!
At the risk of not sounding very cool, I'd like to dedicate this match to my two little people at home and say...BIG DADDIO DID IT!
This is the blackest day in the history of the WWF!!
[The Acolytes look on, waiting for "He" and having Dennis Knight ready for him; The Undertaker comes to stage and sits on his throne]
They laid me down in a grave as if it would be my final resting place, filling it with the Earth's rotting soil. They tried to destroy me, wishing I would just go away. But what is it? What have they really done? The simple minds of mortal men... they sent me back to the place that is my origin. Destroy me? The more they try, the more powerful I've become. And now, I've risen from my earthy grave and I will slay the ones I once saved. The reckoning is upon us. The day that the Ministry of Darkness seizes the land, destroys all that you hold dear, make play things of your heroes and devours your innocence. The plague of darkness is coming; an all encompassing evil from which there is no escape, no mercy, no hope. Its called the future. And in the future, I will look down upon thee and I will decide whether you are an Agent of Darkness, or are you just mere kindling for my fires. The Power of Darkness shall be offered only to a chosen few. And those that resist the temptations of my Ministry, pain becomes synonymous with punishment. Embrace the Darkness and relish in the unearthly delight that pain has to offer. Resist and there are no limits to the torment you subject yourself to. Don't fight it. It will tear your soul apart. So let my servants be few and secret. They shall rule the many and the known, for I am the reaper of men, the chaser of souls, the weaver of nightmares. I am the heart of darkness. I am now and ever will be the purity of evil. The hell you were threatened with as a child is no longer an option. It is a reality, a living, breathing reality and you are all right in the middle of it. Yes, hell has relocated to Earth.
[He comes to Knight and touches his face]
Anail, nathrak, dorthnei, diednei.
[He cuts his wrist and fills cup with his blood]
From this moment on, you are no longer Dennis Knight. You are Mideon. Now drink.
(repeatedly, as Undertaker pours his blood into Mideon's mouth) Accept the Lord of Darkness as your savior.
Anail, nathrak, dorthnei, diednei.
[He opens Mideon's chest and draws his TX symbol onto it]
(repeatedly, as Undertaker draws his symbol) Accept the purity of evil.
(leaves Mideon and walks in front of his throne) Now you will know why you are afraid of the dark and you will learn why.
[Undertaker's symbol gets burned by a storm]
[Chyna appears as the last Corporate Rumble entry but Vince McMahon is distracted by Stone Cold Steve Austin]
[sees Chyna] We got problems! Watch out, watch out [as Chyna rolls Vince over the top rope] WATCH OUT!!
[as Shane repeatedly screams NO! seeing Vince whiplashed and sprawled from the bottom rope] There goes the draw! Chyna wins the Corporate Rumble! Chyna is No 30 in the Royal Rumble!
Mr McMahon has been eliminated by a woman!!
Austin made sure that he meets Mr McMahon first at the Rumble!
Austin you'll pay!!!! Austin you're gonna pay at the Rumble!
Steve Austin and Mr McMahon are gonna be one on one at the Rumble.
MMcMahon
I HATE HIM!!! I HATE HIM!!!
Mr McMahon is No 2. Stone Cold is No 1..
MMcMahon
How can Chyna be No 30?!?
The Rattlesnake has struck again.
MMcMahon
Austin will pay for this, I tell you that!
[Undertaker comes to stage and sits on his throne as Mideon sits across him]
Poor wretched souls. Your world is polluted with rotting souls. Seven nights past, you witnessed one of these souls become one with the power of the Darkness. Mideon - he was once a forgotten face in a vast ocean of individuals abused by the corrupt politics of your world. Now, he sees what you cannot. He feels what you cannot. Seven nights ago, Dennis Knight ceased to exist and Mideon was given everlasting life. As was all of my Ministry. Tonight, I speak a prophecy - and what I will shall be done. The sacrifices are not over. And the ceremony has been scheduled. For all who walk on the mortal side of life, take heed: On January 24th, the next sacrificial lamb will be led to slaughter, and your simple minds won't allow you to believe who the next victim will be. So attend if you dare, resist - and you subject yourself to agonising pain and extreme suffering. So until we meet again, accept the Lord of Darkness as your saviour! Allow the purity of evil to guide you!
[Aftermath of Royal Rumble. Mr. McMahon and The Corporation explaining the aftermath in which McMahon was the Royal Rumble winner, and that he waived all rights and privileges to face the WWF Champion at WrestleMania. Commentary by Michael Cole and Jerry "The King" Lawler.]
Stone Cold, I told you there was no chance in hell of you winning the Royal Rumble!
I love to hear him say that. That is so great— Say it again!
MMcMahon
And quite frankly, Austin... as far as I'm concerned, you will never, ever again step into the ring with the WWF Champion, much less myself, because you know what, Stone Cold? You've simply run out of chances, Austin.
Good.
[The Titantron appears on screen with a familiar voice.]
Hey, jackass, look over the big screen! I'm up here!
Hey!
What?
MMcMahon
[surprised] Wha—What are you—What are you?
AAustin
[on-screen live via satellite] (Don't) look at me in your side, look at me, you sorry son of a bitch!
MMcMahon
You're— you're up where? Where are you?
AAustin
I'm in Texas.
MMcMahon
Oh, okay. You're in Texas, I'm in Arizona. That makes sense to me, because I'm sure that you've been humiliated! I'm sure you can't even come out of your house! I'm sure people are coming up to you and saying, "Hey, aren't you the guy— Aren't you the guy that Vince McMahon threw over the top rope?"
Ha-hah! Yes!
[deadpan] I doubt it.
AAustin
[grins] Yeah, I think that sounds all— That sounds fine, Vince, but uh, I'll tell you this...I'm going to WrestleMania.
What? Well— I-I guess, as a fan—
MMcMahon
Uh...wha— You mean— You mean you're gonna buy a ticket to go to WrestleMania?
AAustin
No, you dumb son of a bitch, I'm telling you I'm going to WrestleMania to face the champion!
[confused] What?
MMcMahon
Uh...no— Well, you must be, chewing on some locoweed or something down there in Texas...
Yeah. [The Rock mocking the gesture based on McMahon's claim]
MMcMahon
...I-I have no idea— I mean...what— What are you saying?
AAustin
Eh, I don't know what you're talking about all this locoweed— all your little crap you're talking about. I'm telling you right now in English: Read my lips if you got a hard time hearing what I'm saying! I'm going to WrestleMania to wrestle the champion! I'm telling you that, but not just me telling you that! [gestures off-screen] The guy right beside me is telling you the same damn thing! [Commissioner Shawn Michaels appears on camera next to Austin]
[shocked] What? What!?
[overlapping Lawler] It's the Commissioner! Commissioner Shawn Michaels is with Austin!
[McMahon reacts with a gulp.]
[The Ministry of Darkness come to the ring]
You don't hear the fat man talk too much these days unless I have something very important to say, so I suggest you listen. And you - owner of the World Wrestling Federation, Vincent K. McMahon - bring your butt off that pedestal that you built for yourself and listen to the Lord of Darkness.
McMahon, in time, your World Wrestling Federation will belong to me. One by one, they will all fall before my Ministry. Last night, the Bossman received just a small sample of the power I possess. Last night, Bossman, we let you go. Next time, you won't be so lucky. What we did, Mr. McMahon, is we went to the heart and soul of your Corporation and we took him out. Just to let you know that we can take anybody, any time we desire. And there's not a damn thing that you can do about it. Now I'm sure you're asking yourself, Mr. McMahon, how can I be so confident? How can I succeed when all others have failed? It's simple. I own the key to your heart, and your soul. While you were preoccupied with your petty obsessions, I have amassed an army. An army that will destroy you and your corporation. Each soul that we take, we take in the name of a far greater power than even myself. And in that power's name, in its grandest vision, in its grandest dream, and in my Ministry's destiny, I will own the World Wrestling Federation.
[Big Bossman appears, who got attacked by the Ministry previous night]
BBBig Bossman
You want some of me? You want some of the Big Bossman? I don't think so. I'm not hard to find. You got aspirations, taking over the Corporation? No way, pal. Bottomline is, if you got the guts, let's get it started here tonight. Any three of you punks against me, two of my guys, tonight. You know what I mean. Undertaker, it's just a matter of time, punk, I'm gonna stick my foot up your dead ass!
[Bossman leaves the stage]
You know, you should be more careful what you ask for.
[As the match between the Ministry of Darkness and the Corporation continues, the lights get off and The Undertaker comes with the rest of the Ministry, having Shane McMahon kidnapped]
Boy, I should carve your heart out right here. But I don't think your father would really give a damn. But then again.
[Undertaker lifts Shane up while choking him]
Here boy, I do have something for you.
Don't cut me, please don't cut me!
[Undertaker takes out an envelope of the inner pocket of his robe]
Don't cut me!
Listen boy, give this to your father and tell him it comes from the Lord of Darkness.
[Shane takes the envelope and gets off]
[The Undertaker appears on the titantron]
The battle has been joined. My agents of darkness are poised to unleash my reign of terror on the World Wrestling Federation. All in the name of my master. McMahon, you think you have problems with Austin. Oh, but your problems, they've just begun. And the audacity. Do you think you can actually eliminate me with an Inferno Match? Don't you realize there's some flames that can't be extinguished? And the Lord of Darkness is one of them. Soon McMahon, you will realize that I am your worst nightmare. And by the way, tonight, I intend on showing you just how serious I am with my threat. Tonight, if you like, you can even call it a surprise. McMahon, the World Wrestling Federation will be mine.
[Vince McMahon, Shane McMahon, and the Rock have just been given a beer bath by Stone Cold Steve Austin]
[seeing Vince totally drenched] Look at Mr McMahon. That's a $3,000 suit!
It was a $3,000 suit!
Tonight is the night when the New Age Outlaws see who is the best of the best. You see, it's called competitiveness, and that's what made the New Age Outlaws what they are today—the best tag team to ever step foot in the World Wrestling Federation. But tonight, Mr. Ass is walking out with the Intercontinental Title and the Hardcore Title. Sorry.
RDRoad Dogg
Well, don't be sorry, because the D-O-double-G lives his life all or nothing, and tonight he's gonna walk away with A-double-L. So Mr. A-double-crooked-letter, I'll see your ass at ringside.
[sotto voce] Yep, and you'll walk out with nothing like when I found you.
XPX-Pac
You know, one year ago tonight, I came back here to the World Wrestling Federation. I came back because I got a call from a friend. He said, "Kid, DX has fallen apart. Please come help hold this thing together." Well, it's been a hell of a ride! Along with the New Age Outlaws, we've kicked ass and taken names for a year straight!
But unless you've had your head buried in the sand, you know last night, that all changed. You know, we've got a lot of important choices to make in life, and last night, you made yours. But tonight, I make mine, and D-Generation X will not die! X-Pac and the New Age Outlaws will come out here each and every week and say "Suck It!" and raise hell!
But now, I'm talking to you, Hunter. That is your name, but tonight, you're not Hunter, you are the hunted, pal. Because tonight, we will fight, and your ass is grass, and I'm gonna smoke it!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's WWE Raw pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.