Val Venis quotes from WWE Raw

Val Venis

Hello, ladies! You know something? For the next couple of days, [points to right leg] this leg will be known as Christmas, and [points to left leg] this leg will be known as New Years. So ladies, why don't y'all come visit the Big Valbowski between the holidays.

Val Venis

Hello Ladies!! You know something, ladies, you are a lot like Christmas trees. You know, you smell good. You're pretty to look at, but you never really feel special until I [makes thrusting motion] PLUG IT IN and light you up!

Jerry Lawler

Are you still hanging in there?

Val Venis

Hello, ladies. You know tonight I come to you a humble man, half the man that I used to be, but you know, it's like they say - you live by the sword and you die by the sword. You know there's only one way to stop the mighty boa - and that's to sever it at the head. Well ladies, you better take a rain check on them new snakeskin boots, because - because - the Big Valbowski is alive and ready to bite, baby! Well you know something, thanks to a cold butcher's block, heh heh heh, and a little shrinkage, and of course my good friend, John Wayne Bobbitt, who just happened to cut the lights just at the appropriate time, the Big Valbowski is standing at full attention, cocked, rocked and ready to unload.

We live on the edge - Val ordered a club soda with a slice and the bartender tried to cut us off.

Lawler

John I don't want to cut you short - but I understand your ex-wife Lorena actually threw something out the window and it was lost out there for a while, but they found it right?

Yeah they found it.

Lawler

Well that's a good thing because I was thinking how funny a picture of that would look on the side of a milk carton.

Venis

[to Yamaguchi-san's wife] Baby, it's been a long, hard road - but it ends right here, baby! You know something, ah don't cry baby, you see NO woman is worth the trouble that you brought me - no woman! I hope you enjoyed the ride baby, because this is where you get off! So take your shoes from under my bed and hit the bricks. Adios! Goodbye lady!

Val Venis

Repent? Repent for what, Dustin? Because I work hard? Or is it because I... play hard? Oh and by the way, Dustin, speaking of work, let me introduce you to my latest video, entitled, The Preacher's Wife. [TitanTron plays clip of The Preacher's Wife. A Film by Val Venis]

Venis

[in video toting cigar in a hotel room bed] Hello Dustin. You know something, after you jumped me from behind last night, I was a little hurt. In fact, I even needed a little TLC. So after I got back to the hotel, I made a little phone call to the one person who could take my mind off all my aches and pains, and make the Big Valbowski stand proud once again. [Terri Runnels appears out of the blanket, implying she was giving Val head]

Hi Dustin. [goes back under]

Venis

and again, and again... [laughs]

[mouths off] My God... [breaks down kneeling with hands to his face]

Venis

[laughs] I guess getting on your knees, Dustin, RUNS IN THE FAMILY!!!