Paul Bearer"Well, we're gonna have to go back a few years, Mr. McMahon. About 20 years to be exact. We're talking about a little funeral home, sitting up on a hill – beautiful old trees all around – and a wonderful, wonderful family-owned funeral home. The family lived upstairs. The father was a mortician who ran the funeral home. The mother was the secretary, the receptionist. But there were two little kids there. One kid was a little red headed punk. And then there was a second kid – a sweet little kid named Kane. Now I was the apprentice at the funeral home. I worked under the red headed punk's father, who by now you properly know as The Undertaker. The Undertaker's father was a mortician of excellence. He told me everything I know. He told me the correct way to prepare a body for burial, how to do the make-up, how to deal with the families. He told me from A to Z. But while I was working on the funeral home, I've seen a lot of things going on, that shouldn't been happening.
[Paul Bearer is at the ring with Kane, who just trashed the Hardy Boyz]
Paul Bearer
Now that I have your undivided attention— Yes, laugh at the fat man. Go ahead! Here's your chance. Go ahead and laugh at me. Stand up, call me names, do what you wanna do. Here's your chance. The one you should be laughing at is your so-called phenom. The one you should be laughing at is your hero, The Undertaker. The proof is here. I tried to go back to The Undertaker, he wouldn't take me back. I had to do what I had to do. He slapped me around, he called me a liar. He burned me! Burned!
[Paul Bearer gloats over Kane mauling Undertaker the night before]
Paul Bearer
Undertaker! Behold, your brother. Undertaker...did you actually believe last night, after the 1, 2, 3 that it was all over? Did you actually think so!? You are looking at your flesh and blood, the only man to ever kick out of your famous Tombstone. Not once, but twice! And he would have done it a third time! Don't you know, Undertaker? You have had to change. After all this, I know you've had to change, deep down inside, that cold, cold heart that your body harbors!
[Kane has just decked out a fan and timekeeper Mark Yeaton, but Paul Bearer couldn't assure him enough that a constant tolling of bells was nothing... until they see a casket on the stage hit by a lightning bolt and the Undertaker rises out of it]
Welcome to HELL! I am the demon who will lead you into eternal damnation. Kane, you disappointed me. Is that the best effort that you can put together at the Royal Rumble? Did you think that could destroy me? Don't you know that you cannot destroy that does not wish to perish? And you, Paul, the audacity to come out here week after week and claim responsibility for my disappearance! The fact of the matter is: all those times when I return to the world of darkness it's of my own appoint. It's a time for spiritual healing. It's a time for the truth, and I know the truth. At this trip, what I was doing was soothing the souls of my parents, because I had to explain to them why I would have to do the one thing I promised never to do. Kane...
Paul Bearer
You're not The Phenom anymore! I'm standing next to the real Phenom!
[Kane lights up the stage but Undertaker passes right through the fireworks]
I will walk straight through the FIRES OF HELL to face you, Kane! And when you look into the eyes of your older brother, you will understand why, I am the most feared entity in the World Wrestling Federation. You will understand why, I am the Reaper of Wayward Souls and you will understand why I am the Lord of Darkness. Kane, there is one thought that I want you to think about between now and WrestleMania 14 – March 29th. I want you to remember, when we were small children, and we would begin to fight, mother and father were always there to pull me off of you. Well, this time there won't be anyone to save you. May the hounds of hell eat your rotting soul and you will...Rest...In...Peace!
[After JR announces an exclusive interview by Jerry Lawler on Paul Bearer, nobody notices the camera still on and the King is very inquisitive about Kane]
Paul Bearer
I told you about it. You hear what I told him. I told the world he's my son. He is my son Jerry, it's that simple.
Cmon, so you're telling me-
Bearer
He's my son!
Bearer
You don't believe me?
You're telling me, you're telling me you nailed the Undertaker's mother.
Bearer
Well, I nailed - nailed - I [Lawler scoffs] Okay.
KKing
Tell me how that...
Bearer
Jerry, can I trust you?
Bearer
I was 19 years old and I was present at the funeral home. I went out on Tuesday nights to the wrestling matches like I always do with my friends, had a few beers. Coming to the funeral home, there she was in this little titty outfit. I've never been [Lawler begins to laugh] don't tell nobody. I've never been with a woman before at that point. I wasn't fat like I am now, in fact Jerry I was kinda [fixes up tie] studly.
Bearer
I was! Anyway, I come through the door and... she took me right there! Right there!
KKing
Wait where, on the embalming table or something?
Bearer
No no, in the kitchen floor.
Bearer
Yeah, in the kitchen floor of the [slaps thigh] funeral home.
KKing
[starts to giggle and laugh] Paul Bearer slips the salami to the Undertaker's mother on the kitchen floor.
Bearer
In the kitchen floor in the apartment of the funeral home.
Bearer
I swear. It's the gospel truth. That's the way it happened. She took me, an innocent 19-year-old boy, as I lost my virginity to her. [as Lawler laughs] It's true!
KKing
Paul Bearer buries his bologna in the Undertaker's mother.
Bearer
She was a moaning, and a groanin, and screamin'... and I heard some little feet coming down the stairs. It's a good thing I got up, 'cause it was little Taker coming down the stairs. Stopped me just in time, [Lawler laughs] and if he did took two more steps, he'd have seen his momma's feet, one was in New York, the other was in LA!!! [they laugh as Bearer kicks his legs in delight]
KKing
Can you imagine if little Undertaker had come in and seen Paul Bearer and his mother bumping uglies?
[Paul Bearer and Undertaker appear one day after they turned on Kane]
As you can plainly see, there has been a reconciliation made. Brother, Paul has come home to lead my Ministry of Darkness. And I'm sure that there is those who can't understand because they have no vision how I could align myself once more with such a despicable, evil, maniacal individual. Well if those aren't reasons enough, I don't guess I can explain it any better. What we have, is someone with vision. Someone who truly understands the power of the darkness. He allowed me to clear my head and refocus on what it is I'm here for. Now what we have is a beginning of a new era. And we will unleash with our Ministry of Darkness, a plague for which the World Wrestling Federation has never seen, nor will it be ever understood amongst those who do not relish in the darkness. So now, those of you, who do not declare, shall be declared!
Paul Bearer
Kane, I used you boy. Ever since you were a little child, I took care of you like a pet, like a put dog on a leash. Just for special occasions, yes I used you, because you're stupid! You're weak! You can't even speak for yourself! You turned your back on me twice. The first time was 8 weeks ago, the last time was last night boy! You could never understand the darkness Kane, that's why I'll never have any use for you again.
You know Kane, I know there is a thought that's been burning in your mind for years. You really wanna know what happened the day you caught on fire? Well listen, and listen close: I set that fire! And I set it because you were weak as a child, and you are weak now. And we have no room for the weak. Only the strong shall survive.
[Kane comes with a casket, looks like he is going to challenge Undertaker]
You and I... tonight... casket match! And brother... you will... REST IN PEACE!
[The Undertaker and Paul Bearer are setting up a sedated Stone Cold Steve Austin to be embalmed alive]
[to Austin as Paul Bearer patches him up] I hope that you could hear me, because what you're about to experience is the worst imaginable pain and horror that you could ever endure. You see there, Austin? When one understands it, they become ageless. They become deathless. They become immortal!! [begins sacrificial oration] Satana, badala, anda ov satana [picks up trocar and prepares to stab Austin] Satana, nadala, anail, nathrak, dorthnei, diednei [knock on door and Paul Bearer answers]
Paul Bearer
[sees who it is] Kane!!!
[The Ministry of Darkness come to the ring]
Paul Bearer
You don't hear the fat man talk too much these days unless I have something very important to say, so I suggest you listen. And you - owner of the World Wrestling Federation, Vincent K. McMahon - bring your butt off that pedestal that you built for yourself and listen to the Lord of Darkness.
McMahon, in time, your World Wrestling Federation will belong to me. One by one, they will all fall before my Ministry. Last night, the Bossman received just a small sample of the power I possess. Last night, Bossman, we let you go. Next time, you won't be so lucky. What we did, Mr. McMahon, is we went to the heart and soul of your Corporation and we took him out. Just to let you know that we can take anybody, any time we desire. And there's not a damn thing that you can do about it. Now I'm sure you're asking yourself, Mr. McMahon, how can I be so confident? How can I succeed when all others have failed? It's simple. I own the key to your heart, and your soul. While you were preoccupied with your petty obsessions, I have amassed an army. An army that will destroy you and your corporation. Each soul that we take, we take in the name of a far greater power than even myself. And in that power's name, in its grandest vision, in its grandest dream, and in my Ministry's destiny, I will own the World Wrestling Federation.
[Big Bossman appears, who got attacked by the Ministry previous night]
BBBig Bossman
You want some of me? You want some of the Big Bossman? I don't think so. I'm not hard to find. You got aspirations, taking over the Corporation? No way, pal. Bottomline is, if you got the guts, let's get it started here tonight. Any three of you punks against me, two of my guys, tonight. You know what I mean. Undertaker, it's just a matter of time, punk, I'm gonna stick my foot up your dead ass!
[Bossman leaves the stage]
You know, you should be more careful what you ask for.
[the Ministry of Darkness prepares Stephanie McMahon to be married to the Undertaker - even as she screams away and the Undertaker touches her]
Before the ceremony begins, I must address the McMahon family, I am not to blame for what is about to happen here. Vince, this rests upon your shoulders, because you did not live up to your end of the agreement. And Steve Austin, well I guess, showed his true colors as well. Paul, let the ceremony begin.
Paul Bearer
Dearly unbeloved, we gather here this evening to join Stephanie Marie McMahon, in the unholy wedlock with the Lord of Darkness. Tonight, Stephanie Marie McMahon will step from the light of this evil, cesspool, mortal world, into the sanctuary of eternal darkness. Keeping this in mind, will you, Stephanie Marie McMahon accept the purity of evil and take the Lord of Darkness as your master and your spouse?
[Ken Shamrock tries to get in but the Acolytes hold him down to be squashed by Viscera]
Bearer
Lord of Darkness, is it your intent to accept Stephanie Marie McMahon, her body, her mind, her soul, and even her breath unto yourself, [Taker lightly reaches for her neck] and allow her to bear your offspring?
[the Big Show appears and breaks through the Acolytes and Viscera - but Undertaker gets Shamrock's baseball bat and hits him off the ring]
Bearer
By the power vested in me by the Lord of Darkness, I now pronounce you as the Unholy Union of Darkness. You may now kiss your bride!
[Stone Cold runs to the ring and brawls Undertaker, then the Ministry try to attack Austin but he beats down all them]
WWE Raw · 371 quotes
