I don't mean to interrupt, but, I guess maybe I do. This is not easy for me, but...what I'm trying to say...to make a long story short, I need your help.
You said— You said what? You need my help? Is that what you said?
I need your help. The Undertaker has my daughter, Stephanie, and I need your help.
You got to clear this up exactly for me. What are you trying to say? Just go ahead and say something, 'cause you ain't making no sense.
Well...this isn't— It's not anything personal. I know that you don't like me and I know you never will.
And the feeling is somewhat mutual, but...it's not about you and me. This is personal and it involves my daughter Stephanie. And Steve, you can help me.
With all due respect, to you and your little daughter— Hell, son, I've got a million problems of my own. So as far as I'm concerned, I really don't give a rat's ass about your problems.
But Steve, The Undertaker has made...he's made some demands. He's asked for some documentation and that's all right with me, I don't care about the documentation. But he's made other demands. He's demanded that, instead of me delivering the documentation to him, he's demanded that you deliver that documentation to him, and if you do that I really believe that everything will be fine with my daughter Stephanie, and I think you can understand from my point of view as a father.
What you're saying is— What you're saying is Vince McMahon needs Stone Cold Steve Austin! That's what you're saying?
So if that's true...if that is true that Vince McMahon needs Stone Cold Steve Austin, then that's what I want you to say to me. Say it to me: "Vince McMahon needs Stone Cold Steve Austin."
Vince McMahon needs Stone Cold Steve Austin.
That all sounds real good Vince, but hell, you must think that I have a real horrible memory because the last 15 months, every single night I come to work, you see fit to put my life, make my life a living hell, and I will give you credit, you have done one helluva job.
[the Ministry of Darkness prepares Stephanie McMahon to be married to the Undertaker - even as she screams away and the Undertaker touches her]
Before the ceremony begins, I must address the McMahon family, I am not to blame for what is about to happen here. Vince, this rests upon your shoulders, because you did not live up to your end of the agreement. And Steve Austin, well I guess, showed his true colors as well. Paul, let the ceremony begin.
Dearly unbeloved, we gather here this evening to join Stephanie Marie McMahon, in the unholy wedlock with the Lord of Darkness. Tonight, Stephanie Marie McMahon will step from the light of this evil, cesspool, mortal world, into the sanctuary of eternal darkness. Keeping this in mind, will you, Stephanie Marie McMahon accept the purity of evil and take the Lord of Darkness as your master and your spouse?
[Ken Shamrock tries to get in but the Acolytes hold him down to be squashed by Viscera]
Lord of Darkness, is it your intent to accept Stephanie Marie McMahon, her body, her mind, her soul, and even her breath unto yourself, [Taker lightly reaches for her neck] and allow her to bear your offspring?
[the Big Show appears and breaks through the Acolytes and Viscera - but Undertaker gets Shamrock's baseball bat and hits him off the ring]
By the power vested in me by the Lord of Darkness, I now pronounce you as the Unholy Union of Darkness. You may now kiss your bride!
[Stone Cold runs to the ring and brawls Undertaker, then the Ministry try to attack Austin but he beats down all them]
[narrating] Last night, a tragic accident took the life of Owen Hart. He was 34. There are no words that can express the profound sorrow felt today by so many of us who knew and loved this very special human being. Fans throughout the world shared a small portion of Owen's life through his various ring personas, but to know Owen Hart, the human being was pure joy. Owen loved this business and loved to entertain both in it, and out of the ring. He was a consummate performer, and a legendary prankster. In the extended family of professional wrestlers, respect does not come easily, and is not taken lightly. Owen Hart had that respect. He was more than just one of the boys. Owen Hart was a friend and a brother to all. Our locker room and our lives will never ever be the same again. A loving son, brother, uncle, husband, and father. Owen is survived by his wife Martha, his son Oje, and daughter Athena. Our prayers go out to them and the entire Hart family. With heavy hearts and the deepest of sympathies to his family, we say goodbye. If the legacy of a man's life is measured by the lives he's touched, and how much he is loved, then a big piece of Owen Hart will live on in all of us.
[During Undertaker's WWF Championship defense against the Big Show, Taker is caught in Big Show's chokeslam coming off the top rope]
The Undertaker's on top, he got caught at the hand of the Big Show.
[as Big Show signals for the chokeslam] He said he was gonna do it- he's doing it!!
The chokeslam, [Undertaker breaks through the ring] oh-
Lawler and Ross: OH MY GOD!!!
Right through the ring!! The Big Show chokeslammed the Undertaker all the way to hell!
[as Earl Hebner calls for the bell] All the way through the ring! They're both down!!! The Big Show and the Undertaker are both down! [bell still rings as Big Show kicks Undertaker before leaving the hole] The match is over! The match has been stopped!
The ring has been destroyed...
...by the damndest chokeslam I've ever seen!
Welcome to Raw Is Jericho! And I am the new millennium for the World Wrestling Federation. Now for those of you who don't know me, I am Chris Jericho, your new hero, your party host, and most importantly, the most charismatic showman to ever enter your living rooms via a television screen. And for those of you who DO know me, well, all hail the Ayatollah of Rock and Roll-a!
Now when you think of the new millennium, you think of an event so gigantic that it changes the course of history. You think of a dawning of a new era. In this case, the dawning of a new era in the WWF. Thank you, thank you. And a new era is what this once proud and profitable company sorely needs. What was once a captivating, trend-setting program has now deteriorated into a cliched, let's be honest, boring snoozefest that is in dire need of a knight in shining armor, and that's why I'm here. Chris Jericho has come to save the WWF!
Now let's go over the facts. Television ratings, downward spiral; pay-per-view buy-rates, plummeting; mainstream acceptance, non-existent; and reactions of the live crowds, complete and utter silence. And I know why you're silent! You're silent because you're embarrassed to be here. And quite honestly, I'm embarrassed for you. And the reason why you're embarrassed is because of the steady stream of uninteresting, untalented, mediocre "sports entertainers" who you're forced to cheer for and care for. No wonder you're not cheering! You could care less about every single idiot in that dressing room, [indicating The Rock] and especially this idiot in the center of the ring. You people have been led to believe that mediocrity is excellence. Uh-uh. Jericho is excellence. And now for the first time in WWF history, you have a man who can entertain you. You have a man who is good enough for you. You have a man who can make you jump up off your chairs, raise your filthy fat little hands in the air and scream "Go Jericho go! Go Jericho go! Go Jericho go!" Thank you.
The new millennium has arrived in the WWF, and now that the Y2J problem is here, this company—from the front-office idiots to all the amateurs in the dressing room, including this one, to everybody watching tonight—will never, eeee-ee-eh-ever be the same a-gain!
...After three boring minutes, The Rock says, "Know Your Role, AND SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" How dare you little jabroni come on The Rock Show, and not even have the class to introduce yourself. What is your name?
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS! The Rock says you talk about your Y2J plan? Well, The Rock has a plan of his own, and it's called the K-Y Jelly plan. Which...which means The Rock is gonna lube his size 13 boot real good. Turn that sumbitch sideways, and STICK it straight up your candy ass! If you smelllll...what The Rock...is cooking.
[Outside Jeff Jarrett's locker room, where a contract for an Intercontinental Title match is taped to the door]
Chyna, I need a favor. You got a pen? I need a pen.
All right, come here. Stay right here, don't let anybody sign this, I'll be right back, I've gotta find a pen.
[as Billy walks away] Hey, that...that must be Jeff Jarrett's contract.
Looks like Mr. Ass wants a piece of Jeff Jarrett, he wants to sign that contract.
[as Chyna signs and runs away] She's signing the open contract to meet Jeff Jarrett for the Intercontinental Championship!
[Big Boss Man has interrupted the ten-bell salute for Big Show's father]
BBBig Boss Man
Hold on just one minute!
What the hell does he want King?
BMBoss Man
How dare you start the grieving process without me? I've got feelings too! It pains me deeply to hear that the Big Show's dad has passed on. In fact it pains me so deeply I went out and bought a sympathy card, and I'd like to read it to you, if I could.
The disingenuous... [Boss Man gets the card]
BMBoss Man
Shut up and listen to me. With the deepest regrets, and tears that are soaked, I'm sorry to hear your dad finally croaked. He lived a full life on his own terms. Soon he'll be buried and eaten by worms. But if I could have a son as stupid as you, I'd have wished for cancer so I would die too. So be brave and be strong. Get your life on track. 'Cause the old bastard's dead and he ain't never coming back!
I am not believing what we are hearing here.
BMBoss Man
That's exactly how I feel about the Big Show's daddy being dead!
