TV show quotes
[A cement truck appears.]
What the hell is that?
What is that?
Is that...?
It's a cement truck, and it's Stone Cold Steve Austin driving it.
Oh my. Stone Cold Steve Austin is in the building.
What is that idiot doing? We've seen him driving a Zamboni, now he's driving around a cement truck?
Oh folks, this is going to get real interesting. The Rattlesnake is here. Is that going to make Mr. McMahon happy or not? We'll find out next.
Stone Cold, what the hell are you doing? A cement truck?
You heard it. I've got an open invitation, so I don't know what you're worked up about. But what I will tell you, if I wanted to get that one-legged bastard, Vince McMahon, and tell him to get his ass out here, because what I'm going to do might create a bit of interest in the McMahon side of the family. Now get your ass out here because I've got some work to do and I want to check my equipment out.
[Steve Austin is driving a cement truck toward Vince McMahon's Corvette.]
Wait a minute.
I knew it JR. He's trying to drive it right in here, then get ready to run. He'll run over us.
Wait a minute, there's...
Hey, wait a minute, don't run over Mr. McMahon's Corvette.
I don't think he's... [sees Austin setting up the mixer's metal trough on the car] it doesn't look like he's going to run over it.
Wait a minute!
Oh my God, I don't believe this.
You can't do that!
I do not believe this, ladies and gentlemen.
Mr. McMahon! Mr. McMahon!
That's one of the Corvettes in Mr. McMahon's collection.
That's a $50,000 car! No! J.R.! [cement mixture is poured into the car] NOOOO!
Oh my God! Oh my! Austin is loading McMahon's car with cement.
[watching it on the monitor] That's my Corvette!!!!
McMahon's car is being loaded with cement.
Oh my God!
[The cement mix overflows, breaking the car's side and rear windows.]
McMahon's prized Corvette, one of his collection, is being destroyed by the Rattlesnake.
NOOOO!
The Rattlesnake has struck. [Austin leaves cement truck] And it looks like... Austin is coming our way.
Somebody call the cops!!!
Austin is heading our way. The Rattlesnake, will he be here next?
911!
[all WWF Superstars are assembled in and around the ring for an address from Mr. McMahon]
May I have your attention, please?! [crowd chants "Asshole!"] May I have your attention? I have a very important announcement to make as relates to the World Wrestling Federation Championship. As a result of an individual who is no longer gainfully employed here in the World Wrestling Federation, we have no World Wrestling Federation champion, as we speak. However, I assure you, that on the night of November 15 at the Survivor Series—as a matter of fact, I guarantee you... oh oh, there goes that word again: I guarantee you! Nonetheless, I guarantee you that on November 15 at the end of that evening we will have an undisputed WWF Champion, because on that night, at the Survivor Series, 16 WWF Superstars will compete in a one-night tournament to determine just who will be the next undisputed WWF Champion.
Now, as far as some of the events of last night are concerned: Seems as though some of you are in a state of shock, some of you are in a state of disbelief. [more 'Asshole!' chants] If I am, I'm damn proud of it! Some of you are certainly in a state of shock as—'Did Vince McMahon really fire Stone Cold Steve Austin last night?' Well, for the benefit of those of you who did not join us on pay-per-view, last night at Judgment Day—how appropriate: Judgment Day! Let me repeat the words I said to Stone Cold Steve Austin: 'Austin, screw you! You're fired!' How did Austin take this news? Well, I show you how he took this news, on the TitanTron; if you'll direct your attention, someone from the production will put up a freeze frame of Stone Cold Steve Austin's face. And as soon as Stone Cold heard those words, Stone Cold had that look on his face. [gloats about the shot] A look of disbelief! He couldn't believe he had just been fired. Austin, as a matter of fact, started mumbling about something about hunting season or going hunting—I didn't know what he meant until this morning someone told me that rumor was, Austin was indeed hunting. He was hunting for a job!
Austin, if you ever come into a World Wrestling Federation arena again, then you'll do so just like this capacity crowd: You'll have to buy a ticket, Austin! [more 'Asshole!' chants] So, what did it feel like? Many of you are saying to yourself, 'My God, what's it like to be Vince McMahon? What's it like to have the balls to fire Stone Cold Steve Austin?' I really wondered. I wondered if Austin provoked me, how I would feel. And last night I searched. And last night, when I fired Austin, I'll admit it felt pretty damn good. At the end of the evening, after asking that question again, I was convinced it felt great. And then, this morning—you know, when you look into that mirror, bright and early, when you first get up, that soul-searching—Alright, Vince McMahon, how did you feel after firing Stone Cold Steve Austin? You know what it felt like to me this morning? IT WAS BETTER THAN SEX!
Which brings me as to why each and everyone of you stand before me as WWF Superstars. Hopefully, you all learned the lesson that Stone Cold learned last night. Hopefully, no one in that ring will EVER cross the boss, because none of you are as big as Vince McMahon! You know, all that Austin 3:16 paraphernalia out there, T-shirts, what have you? Another rumor going around... that it's going like hotcakes, because now Austin 3:16—that's a collector's item, you see! Now there's a new expression. A new expression that's gonna be sweeping the nation, sweeping the globe; and that's McMahon 3:16... And McMahon 3:16 says, "I've got the brass to fire your ass." Thank you very much! Thank you, Gentlemen! [freeze frame shot of Austin turns into live shot of Austin at his truck, in hunting camouflage bringing his rifle and bow set]
[Paul Bearer and Undertaker appear one day after they turned on Kane]
As you can plainly see, there has been a reconciliation made. Brother, Paul has come home to lead my Ministry of Darkness. And I'm sure that there is those who can't understand because they have no vision how I could align myself once more with such a despicable, evil, maniacal individual. Well if those aren't reasons enough, I don't guess I can explain it any better. What we have, is someone with vision. Someone who truly understands the power of the darkness. He allowed me to clear my head and refocus on what it is I'm here for. Now what we have is a beginning of a new era. And we will unleash with our Ministry of Darkness, a plague for which the World Wrestling Federation has never seen, nor will it be ever understood amongst those who do not relish in the darkness. So now, those of you, who do not declare, shall be declared!
Kane, I used you boy. Ever since you were a little child, I took care of you like a pet, like a put dog on a leash. Just for special occasions, yes I used you, because you're stupid! You're weak! You can't even speak for yourself! You turned your back on me twice. The first time was 8 weeks ago, the last time was last night boy! You could never understand the darkness Kane, that's why I'll never have any use for you again.
You know Kane, I know there is a thought that's been burning in your mind for years. You really wanna know what happened the day you caught on fire? Well listen, and listen close: I set that fire! And I set it because you were weak as a child, and you are weak now. And we have no room for the weak. Only the strong shall survive.
[Kane comes with a casket, looks like he is going to challenge Undertaker]
You and I... tonight... casket match! And brother... you will... REST IN PEACE!
[Having held Vince McMahon hostage all night long, Austin ups the ante with a toy revolver that reads BANG 3:16]
You've got to remember, Vince, it wasn't Stone Cold that screwed Vince McMahon, it was Vince McMahon that screwed Vince McMahon. [notices pants] I think you've got a problem there. Looks like we've got another shirt out on the way. That shirt might just say, "McMahon 3:16 says, 'I just pissed my pants.'"
[Vince McMahon appears with his lawyers, Sgt Slaughter and the stooges plus Big Boss Man]
Against, against my volition, Stone Cold Steve Austin is here in this arena, tonight. Not only do I hold Stone Cold Steve Austin responsible for every single, reprehensible act he committed against me, I want all of you people to know, that I hold [points to audience] each and every one of you responsible as well! My God, what's the matter with you people? I've lost all faith in humanity! Where the hell are your values? Where are your morals!? Whatever happened to the Good Samaritan? Where were you in my hour of need? I'll tell you where you were: you were cheering for every act of humiliation Austin committed against me! You savored every violation, every liberty that Austin took against me, but what you enjoyed the most was when Austin forced me to go to the ring. He made me get down on my knees, he made me beg! He made me... [saddened] he made me cry! He made me urinate myself! [angry] And where were you? Where were any of you? No one came to my aid. [to stooges] Not you, Brisco! Not you Patterson, or the Commissioner, no one. My ankle has been reinjured, I've ruined a perfectly good Armani suit. I hurt all over. But most of all, my feelings have been hurt. They have been crushed, but despite the injury, the insult Austin, after the injury I will never ever forgive you for! That wasn't a letter of introduction you jammed down in my coat pocket oh no, that was a legal document Austin and you know damn well then it was a legal document, and with this battery of attorneys I have behind me, Austin, I will fight you. I will fight you in court if I can, hell I'll fight you all the way to the Supreme Court! Austin, before you make your next move, you better take stock in what I say.
[appears on TitanTron] Well speaking of stock, here am I. I've been stocking Pampers diapers, in case the bastard pisses all over himself! You know what I mean!
[Shane McMahon appears as Vince fumes at Austin being employed in the WWF with a new contract and ignores his calls to join him on the stage]
I don't listen to you anymore. I am an officer, more importantly, a stockholder of this company, and what you did to Stone Cold Steve Austin was wrong, Dad. You were wrong.
[to the stooges] He's just a kid, he's just a kid!
I just wanted to tell you personally that it was me. It was me, Dad, that hired Stone Cold back. Dad, it was me!... Hey, I guess I finally have your attention now, don't I? After 28 years, I FINALLY have your attention. I've seen superstars come, and I've seen superstars go, and why, Dad, why? Because it's always been about your ego! You said it yourself: no one's bigger than Vince McMahon, oh no! All my life, people have asked me, 'Boy, what's it like to be Vince McMahon's son? Wow, isn't that great?' And I have lied year after year after year... [gets more emotional] to protect you, to protect our family name. Well, the lying stops now! I'm tired of it!... You never cared about me! Everything—I couldn't do anything right for you. Nothing is ever right. My grades in school were never good enough for you.
[in tears] Yes they were!
My athletic accomplishments were never good enough for you. My business deals—no matter how much money I made you—was never good enough for YOU! The only thing I ever wanted from you, the only thing I ever wanted, is for you to be proud of me. OF ME! But I finally figured it out: That's never ever gonna happen, because it's never been about me, it's been about you. YOU, DAD! [Vince closes his eyes and grimaces because Shane struck a raw nerve] It's always about perception. Perception. Ever since, I'm always known as Vince's boy. 'How does Vince's boy make him look?' It wasn't about me, it was about how I made you look, that perception, at your big corporate parties.
[saddened] You're my son—
Yeah, I'm your son, but I'm not your little boy anymore. I'm a man and I stand in this ring as a man. I'm no longer your boy, Dad. I'm proud of who I am. I am proud of the person I have become. My name is Shane McMahon, and for 28 years—for 28 years I've finally built up enough courage to face you here today, to stand up to YOU! I guess, now you have something to be proud of me about, don't you Dad? Because I finally stood up to you and I had the BRASS to do it!... Isn't it ironic? I guess, I'm just like you after all, isn't that right, Dad?!? [tosses mic back to Austin as Vince rebuffs Pat Patterson trying to comfort him]
If you think Vince got what he had comin', gimme a hell yeah.
HELL YEAH!!
[A wheelchair-bound Vince McMahon has just made Mankind promise he won't interfere in an upcoming match between Ken Shamrock and the Rock and has something for him]
I have it for you. [takes off black sheet] This is the WWF Hardcore Championship belt, and Mick, you've earned it. You've earned it. [Big Boss Man moves away to open a door]
[accepts title and laughs] I love it! [kisses belt] I gotta be honest with you, I love it!
Just one thing. In some respects, I think I lost a son tonight... [puts hand on Mankind's shoulder] maybe I gained another.
Really? [Vince drives off] Gee thanks, Dad. [Vince stops, visibly irked. Leaves]
[Vince McMahon addresses the crowd]
Thank you for that warm Kentucky reception! Last night at the Survivor Series, my son Shane and I proved that whoever it was that said 'you can't fool all of the people all of the time' was a damn fool. A damned fool is someone who insists on doing things the hard way. A damned fool is someone who embraces middle class ethics and values. And a damned fool, a damned fool is someone who doesn't pucker up and kiss the boss' ass. Now now now wait a minute, now don't tell me all of you don't kiss the boss' ass, I know you do, you probably don't just kiss it enough! Right now, I would like to introduce you to someone who certainly is no damn fool, oh no, he's not the People's Champion, he never was; he's always been MY Champion. Ladies and gentlemen, the World Wrestling Federation Champion - the CORPORATE Champion - LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE ROCK! [The Rock comes to the ring] Ladies and gentlemen, listen up to the Rock!
You know Mr. McMahon, all day long the Rock's phone has been ringin' off the hook, and the message has been clear. Why Rock? Why did you sell out? Well, actually, the Rock never sold out - the Rock just... got ahead. Now, will some of you call the Rock a kissass? Well I'm sure you will, because quite frankly, you are all unintelligent pieces of trailer park trash - do you smell it? Now, you pieces of trash - you work your candyasses off day after day after day, 9 to 5, for minimum wage. Well, the Rock did what the Rock had to do to get to the top of the World and that is him standing smack dab in the middle of the Corporate ring, your WWF World Champion!
Now, sure, you pieces of trash, you work hard, you do what you have to do, day after day, and quite frankly, you're all no different from a big piece - the biggest piece of trailer park trash in Stone Cold Steve Austin. Well, I'll tell you what, you and Austin, you can have your morality, you can have your honesty, you can have your blood... you can have your blood, your sweat and your tears, I'll tell you what, all that hard work, fifty cents couldn't buy you a cup of redneck coffee. Now: 'Die Rocky Die.' 'Rocky Sucks?'
You see, the Rock NEVER, EVER forgot that, and he's gonna damn sure make sure that you NEVER, EVER forget it as well. You see what the Rock plans on doin' is he plans on raisin' the Peop- oh, I'm sorry, he plans on raisin' the Corporate Eyebrow, he plans on planting ya with the Rock Bottom, and the Rock damn sure plans on layin' the smack down on your candy ass with the most electrifying move in sports entertainment today, the Corporate Elbow. Now, the Rock said that he would rather be the People's Ass than to ever kiss his. But now, the Rock says, he would much rather kiss Mr. McMahon's ass than to EVER, and the Rock means EVER, kiss yours if you smell what the Rock is cooking!
[The Undertaker and Paul Bearer are setting up a sedated Stone Cold Steve Austin to be embalmed alive]
[to Austin as Paul Bearer patches him up] I hope that you could hear me, because what you're about to experience is the worst imaginable pain and horror that you could ever endure. You see there, Austin? When one understands it, they become ageless. They become deathless. They become immortal!! [begins sacrificial oration] Satana, badala, anda ov satana [picks up trocar and prepares to stab Austin] Satana, nadala, anail, nathrak, dorthnei, diednei [knock on door and Paul Bearer answers]
[sees who it is] Kane!!!
[Austin comes to ring with everyone's cheer]
For the last few months, here in the World Wrestling Federation, with the title or without, Vince McMahon has seen fit to throw everything that he can at Stone Cold Steve Austin and somehow I've always managed to scrape by. That's all fine and well, but six days from now at Rock Bottom in a Buried Alive match, in my opinion, the stakes are stacked higher than they've ever been for Stone Cold Steve Austin. Undertaker, you come out here, talk about sacrificing me, about wanting my soul, you hit me in the head with a shovel, you tried to bury me, you tried to embalm me and none of that worked... in the Ministry of Stone Cold Steve Austin, at Rock Bottom, you can bet your ass that you can expect no mercy from Stone Cold Steve Austin, and that's all I got to say about that!
[Lights get closed and Undertaker's theme song plays as a TX symbol appears in front of the screen]
[voiceover] Austin, we've traveled down the highway to hell, and our journey has enlightened us on a few matters. One, you're helpless against my Ministry, and the other is I can take your rotting soul any time I wish. Tonight, our journey stops in your purgatory, where you will remain until Rock Bottom, and on that night boy, I will sacrifice you to the Ministry of Darkness and let the entire world watch you get buried alive and BURN IN HELL!
[The symbol gets burned by a storm, as Austin is a little scared]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's WWE Raw pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
