Ladies and gentlemen, chairman of WWE, Mr. McMahon.
Thank you, and good evening. World Wrestling Entertainment is a promotional juggernaut. It is the most successful promotional juggernaut in history, having well-established its pre-eminent brands of Raw and SmackDown!, the WWE has recently announced the recreation of a third brand, ECW, which premieres tomorrow night at 10 o'clock, 9 o'clock Central on Sci Fi. ECW's representative, Paul Heyman made it very clear at the, at the top of the show, in which Mr. Heyman stated that we have a new WWE Champion, and his name is Rob Van Dam. Not withstanding the recreation of this third brand, there, there're other things I would like to discuss with you tonight. That is, what happened to the, the chairman of the board last week here on Raw. It's one thing for me to establish a kiss my ass club. It's quite another for someone who is to join to turn that around, kick me in the guts, wrench my arms behind my back, and drive me down to the canvas, thus exposing my dairy air in an involuntary basis. There were children who watch this show. I want Triple H to think about that. And something else I want Triple H to think about is what happened to his buddy not long ago, Shawn Michaels. When Shawn Michaels crossed my path, I sent the Spirit Squad on Mr. Michaels. All five of them. Mr. Michaels is no longer in action. So tonight, Triple H must be taught a lesson. A lesson he will never forget. And yes, I will once again use the Spirit Squad to teach that lesson. However tonight, what happened to Shawn Michaels was just too quick. Tonight will be slow. Tonight I'm gonna dismember Triple H limb by limb, until there's absolutely nothing left in a gauntlet match. All five members of the Spirit Squad dismembering Triple H. So tonight, after it's all over, I assure you, Triple H will in fact, reunited with Shawn Michaels. On the highway to hell!
[Rob Van Dam is defending the WWE Championship against Edge and John Cena in a Triple Threat match]
Van Dam pulls himself back up. But Cena's there waiting. [Cena lifts RVD on his shoulders for an FU] Cena now,
Cena with the FU, can he do it? Can John Cena do it if he does? [Cena hits the FU on RVD] Yes!
Cena did it! [Edge suddenly comes in and hits Cena with the WWE Championship belt]
My God! Cena - wait a minute! [Edge covers RVD] Edge with the belt! Edge with the count! [the referee counts three, resulting in Edge winning the match and the WWE Championship] Edge! Edge! Edge has just, Edge is the WWE Champion!
Here is your winner, and the new WWE Champion, Edge!
Oh my gosh! Oh ho ho ho ho!
John, exactly! John Cena delivered the FU on Van Dam! Cena had the match won, but Edge used the WWE Championship title belt to dim Cena's lights! To, and snatch the title right away from John Cena!
But one thing's for sure. The WWE title is back on Raw! Thank goodness!
Rob Van Dam has lost the WWE title. Edge has won the WWE Championship. [Edge checks on Lita]
John Cena with the FU, had this match won. I don't give a damn about Lita, King!
Hello out there to all my fans right there in San Antonio, Texas! It's me Mick Foley in the WWE Studios and I know what a lot of you are thinking. You're thinking, "Isn't that the shirt Mick wore when he was interviewed by Katie Couric on Halloween a few years ago?" You're darn right it is, but I'm not here to talk about Katie Couric right now, or the beautiful Melina for that matter. I'm here to talk about the Nature Boy - Whooo! - Ric Flair and comments he made about me. You see, Ric was on the show last Monday actually bragging about beating me two straight falls in a two out of three falls match. You see Ric, I have a different take on things, you see I seem to remember you bludgeoned, bloody with your family in tears, which begs the question: Just what world do you inhabit Ric, where all those things can be construed as a positive!? How much worse could it have possibly have gotten!? Are you really under the impression I was trying to win the match? Because if I had been, I would have! The barbed wired bat under the ring was no accident, Ric. From the very get-go, I intended to leave you laying, and that is exactly what I did. And you're out there saying Mick Foley posing a challenge, anywhere, anyplace any match of your choosing. Well let me see... uh... I don't want to wrestle you anywhere, anyplace, in any type of match ever! What part of "no rematch" do you not understand? Let me put it in the words of a famous song: A no, no, no, no, a no, no, no, no, a no, no, no, No rematch Ric! Yeah!
Hello everybody, it's Mick Foley again in the WWE Studios and since we're live and since nobody can really stop me, I thought I'd give a shout out to my good friend Melina. Great match on Monday, I was really proud of you. But I'm really not here to talk about a Monday match, I'm here to talk about Ric Flair's hardcore match with the Big Show on ECW. And Ric, I was impressed. I mean you got down, you got dirty, you got hardcore! You broke out the barb wire bat! You used thumbtacks, laying in a pile of them and as it turns out, you did it all in vain, Ric. Because no matter what you do, no matter what you say, no matter how badly you wish I could grow something you could check out first hand, you get no rematch! See, three things happened at Vengeance Ric, I came, I saw, I kicked your old ass! And I have nothing left to prove to you! Now if you really want to me like Mick Foley, don't stop with the barb wire and thumbtacks. Wear a flannel on TV next week, drive a used mini-van, and sit in seat 26C next to the crapper! Or repeat after me as a paraphrase and old Michael Jackson song: He's out of my life, damned indecision and cursed pride. And it cuts like a knife, you're out of my life! You washed-up piece of crap! Yeah!
As many of you may know, a few weeks ago, Triple H and myself pulled a little bit of a prank on the McMahons. We told them that one Stephanie McMahon had gone into labor. And... well, that was a lie. [Looking up] Forgive me. As it would seem, however, life often imitates art. Because at this very moment, Stephanie McMahon is in a hospital in Connecticut giving birth to her first child. And of course, thankfully by her side are her father, Vincent Kennedy McMahon, and her brother, Shane McMahon. But unbeknownst to them, my partner-in-crime Triple H, at this very moment, is in that same hospital.
Now, somehow, he's got a little bit of an inside scoop into this whole pregnancy thing. You know... between you guys and me... I think he knows who the father is.
What has become of Ric Flair? You see I'm in a state of disbelief because I watched Raw last Monday and found it hard to believe that Ric Flair resorted to calling me "Fat Boy". Fat Boy, a name so effective he chose to use it twice and I have to admit the name hurt. Yeah, the name "Fat Boy" hurt when my brother used it on me 30 years ago. What has become of Ric Flair? You see it hurts me worse than anything just to see Ric Flair proving to the world, one of the all time great performers in our business, proving to the world that he had the creativity, the originality and the intellect of the average fourth grader. What has become of Ric Flair!? You see I thought I was going on a journey to meet the Great and Powerful Oz! And it turns out instead I see a weak and feeble man operating behind a curtain, digging into a bag of cliches because he's got nothing left to offer! "To be the man, you've got to beat the man!" "I'm a 16-time world champion!" "All night long!" blah blah blah. You make me sick Ric! What has become of you!? You've reduced yourself to being a second-rate circus side show, falling on thumbtacks on an ECW show, all in vain attempt to lure me back into the ring! It's not gonna work! What part of "no" did you not understand? I won't fight you here, there, or anywhere. What has become of you Ric Flair!? Because now not only are you a second-rate freak show, but you've resorted to attacking innocent, beautiful defenseless women. And even worse, Ric Flair, the woman you chose to attack was a friend of mine! Which means I'll be coming to New Jersey, Ric Flair, but I won't be coming to wrestle, but I will be coming to look you in the ring face to face and air our differences in a very public venue. And I swear to your Ric, you leave the cliches at home and you bring your heart and your mind or I will swat you away and embarrass you in front on national TV, you washed-up piece of crap! I'll see you next Monday on Raw! Yeah!
[Edge and Lita are in the ring for The Cutting Edge, having just invited Randy Orton on the show]
Randy, thanks for - thanks for coming on the show, and...I'll get straight to the point. See, you've impressed me. You impressed me in 2004 when you became the youngest champion in WWE history. But, but since then, you've done absolutely nothing.
[standing up from his seat, shocked] Excuse me?
Edge [stammering]: Don't get me wrong, you've been involved in some huge matches: last year at WrestleMania against the Undertaker. This year at WrestleMania, Rey Mysterio, SummerSlam, Hulk Hogan, but...the thing is, you lost all those matches. You see, for two years straight, you have consistently dropped the ball.
You got two seconds to come up with a point...or I'm gonna drop you right now.
Okay. Okay. Okay, Randy, I have a point: you see, every - every misstep, every bump in the road since you became champion, it-it can be traced back to one single, solitary moment. Do you remember?, because if you don't, I'm gonna remind you right now. [pointing at the Titantron] Roll the footage. [footage shown of Orton in 2004 celebrating his World Heavyweight Championship, only for Triple H and the rest of Evolution to turn on him as Triple H starts attacking him] Do you remember that, Randy? Do you remember, you were on top of the world, you had it ALL!...but Triple H's selfishness cost you everything, everything! I know you tried to pull it all back together, but let's face it, the facts are the facts! So you're probably asking yourself why, why would I care? And normally, I wouldn't. But these things have a, a tendency to repeat themselves. Jealousy rears its ugly head again, because, just last week, there was another travesty of justice. So once again, [gesturing to the Titantron] let's roll the footage. [footage from the previous week on Raw when D-Generation X interfered in Edge's steel cage match against John Cena for the WWE Championship, with Shawn Michaels' Sweet Chin Music to Trevor Murdoch, causing Murdoch to inadvertently slam the cage door on Edge's head, being the main turning point] Shawn Michaels cost me the WWE Championship! The same man who, who taught Triple H every self-serving, power-hungry move he's ever known! And-and what did DX do when they came out here earlier? They...they made some cute little jokes. Because Randy, they think I'm a joke, they think you're a joke. And they're gonna continue to do that, until someone takes a stand. You see, Randy, I know you're not a joke, and I'm not a joke. The reason I called you out here tonight...is because I think those people that should take a stand...I think it's you, and me. We should own this show! We should have all the championships! We are the present and future of this industry, not some tired old act from a decade ago! So I tell you what, Randy, it's really simple: you can get mad at the things, the-the true things I said earlier and, you can fight me right now...or...you can join me. Join me and together we can take a stand against DX. We can beat DX! Take back our championships! Take back our lives, our careers! So the ball's in your court. It's up to you.
[the crowd starts an "RKO" chant, much to Edge's chagrin]
DX...as far as you running this show anymore is concerned, I've got two words for ya: it's over! [shakes Edge's hand and the two grin at one another]
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome D-Generation X. [crowd cheers] And gentlemen, after the footage we just saw, the question on everyone's mind is how is Ric Flair doing?
Todd, you can't and will never be able to hold down Ric Flair. He will be back. Edge and Orton, [claps] unbelievable. You two are the only ones that have managed to see past the mirage that is D-Generation X. The whole fighting the system, spitting in the face of authority, having no respect for absolutely anyone, you knew that didn't apply when it came to the Nature Boy, Ric Flair. You know about the impact he had when we were growing up. You know about the impact he had on us when we were young WWE superstars and more importantly than that, you know that in the last five years, we have come to know him as a close personal friend. Congratulations. Mission accomplished. You've now made this personal. Last week you did to Ric Flair that which you knew you could never do to us. The pain, the humiliation that you put him through last week is not gonna compare to what you suffer at the hands of D-Generation X.
[the WrestleMania 23 Money in the Bank ladder match participants are in the ring]
Welcome to a very special edition of the Cutting Edge. Now as we all know, the third annual Money in the Bank ladder match takes place this Sunday at WrestleMania. I of course won the first Money in the Bank, cashed it in, and went on to become WWE Champion. Actually, I've won ladder matches at WrestleManias 16, 17, and 21. As a matter of fact, I've won more ladder matches than all of you combined. Add to the fact that I've never been beaten at WrestleMania. And what makes any of you think you have a shot this Sunday? And, and Matt, Matt I'll start with you. Because I'm shocked that you're even on WrestleMania. [Matt Hardy takes the microphone]
MHMatt Hardy
Oh I'm on WrestleMania. And I'm gonna be in your face. And you're not the only one with experience in ladder matches. I've won quite a few of these myself. And at WrestleMania, I'm gonna beat you up bad. So bad that you're gonna be lying flat on your back. Much like your ex-girlfriend.
Okay, okay, that's it, you're done speaking! And I can do that because this is my show! Now King Bookah, hopefully, hopefully you have something intelligent to say.
KBKing Booker
Indeed. Indeed I do. Now I realize, some of you have won championships in the past. But none, none of you have reigned, reigned successfully as King Booker! Now, the rest of you lowly, lowly peasants, [Finlay takes the microphone]
FFinlay
Peasants?! I am sick of this verbal diarrhea! I feel like I'm on here among a bunch of old women! You didn't like that, chisel-chin? You feelin' froggy? Go ahead and jump! [Randy Orton takes the microphone]
Fit, Fit, take it easy now, don't hurt Edge's feelings! Don't hurt Edge's feelings, Fit, you see, 'cause he might use that as an excuse to duck out of this match! Just like you've ducked out of every match you'd been scheduled to wrestle in for the past month.
Now, now, Randy, you know that's not true, okay? [Mr. Kennedy takes the microphone]
KMr. Kennedy
Oh oh no, no. That is true. No it it, it's pretty obvious to me, it's pretty obvious to everybody out here that you, you don't wanna fight tonight, do ya? You don't wanna fight, but you know what, you might as well just step aside. EVERYBODY here might as well step aside, because you're looking at the man who is gonna be Mr. Money in the Bank. You're looking at MR.... [Edge takes the microphone]
Okay, okay, very nice, very nice! Riveting stuff, repeat your name! Oh and that brings us, that brings us to Jeff Hardy. And Jeff I, I'd ask you for a comment but all you've really said for the last few months is, [does Jeff Hardy's signature entrance pose] Ha! So, so maybe I should close this one out for you, huh?
JHJeff Hardy
Hey man that's real funny. You know, this is my first WrestleMania in five long years. Therefore, I plan to do what I always do in ladder matches, and that's to STEAL THE ENTIRE SHOW! Even if it means going through my own brother. I'll do what it takes to climb that ladder, grab the briefcase, and win Money in the Bank.
Okay enough! Enough! [crowd chants "CM Punk"] Oh and last, but certainly not least, that brings us to Chicago's own, CM Punk! [crowd cheers loudly] Cheer it up. So you're straight edge, right? Your only addiction is competition, right? Well my addictions are sex, violence, and championship gold around my waist.
Edge, right now, the only thing it looks like you're addicted to, is running your mouth. [Edge shoves Punk, resulting in a brawl]
Good evening. Tonight, this arena here in Corpus Christi, Texas, was to have been filled to capacity with enthusiastic WWE fans. Tonight’s storyline was to have been the alleged demise of my character, Mr. McMahon. However, in reality, WWE Superstar Chris Benoit, his wife Nancy, and their son Daniel, are dead. Their bodies were discovered this afternoon in their new, suburban Atlanta home. The authorities are undergoing an investigation. We here in the WWE can only offer our condolences to the extended family of Chris Benoit, and the only other thing we can do at this moment is, tonight, pay tribute to Chris Benoit. We will offer you some of the most memorable moments in Chris’ professional life, and you will hear, tonight, comments from his peers; those here – his fellow performers – those here who loved Chris and admired him so much. So tonight will be a three-hour tribute to one of the greatest WWE superstars of all time. Tonight will be a tribute to Chris Benoit.
I just want to congratulate John Cena, on being the biggest phony in WWE history. Cena prides himself on never backing down, never quitting. But that's exactly what Cena did at Unforgiven. [clip from Orton's WWE Championship match with John Cena at Unforgiven is shown] He knew he couldn't beat me, so he went ahead and got himself disqualified. That's taking the coward's way out. That's the same as giving up. Don't let Cena trick you into thinking he lost it in the heat of battle. He knew exactly what he was doing. Cena was losing the match. He could see his one-year title reign come crashing to an end, so he took the easy way out. Now tell me, what type of champion does that? Cena, I'll give you credit, you're smart. You took all the focus off screwing me over by having your pathetic father kick me in the head after the match. [clip of Cena's father kicking Orton in the head is shown] Mr. Cena, I don't know what you do for a living. You probably live off your son like a bum. I on the other hand, am a professional wrestler. I'm a WWE superstar, that's what I do. Competing in the ring is my livelihood, it's in my blood, it is my life, and you tried to take that away from me! But things are turning around. Things are changing, John Cena, I truly enjoyed beating up your father last Monday on Raw. I enjoyed the look on your face as you were handcuffed to the ring while I annihilated your old man, you were helpless. You better get used to that feeling Cena. Because at No Mercy, there's nowhere to run. It's a last man standing match. Anything goes. There is nothing that's gonna stop me from beating you senseless, and taking what's rightfully mine, the WWE Championship. So Cena, here's what I want you to do. I want you to bring your old man to Raw next week. 'Cause I want him to see exactly what I'm gonna do to you at No Mercy. Cena, I will not be denied. I will be victorious, I will be champion. I will be the last man standing.
