WWE Raw quotes

Jim Ross

What do you think about Mr. McMahon rehiring Matt Hardy?

Edge

JR, what do I think about Vince McMahon's decision, Mr. McMahon's decision to rehire Matt Hardy? You know what? I think it's genius. Yeah. It's a moneymaking match. Here's a little known fact, though. You see, I actually went to Vince and I asked him to rehire Matt. Yeah. You see, because, with what I want to do to Matt Hardy, if I did that on the streets, what I'm gonna do at SummerSlam, I'd be in jail. You see, at SummerSlam, you're gonna witness legalized assault. Which is why I resent us being sequestered into this dressing room. You know, Matt Hardy has been re-signed to Raw and the lunatic is running around. Well, he's the one out of control, not me. But that's fine, that's cool, and Eric Bischoff wants to put security guards on the door, to protect us. We don't need the protection, he does! So I'm gonna ask them to leave, I want them to go. Yeah. I want them to get out of here, because Matt, I'm begging, I'm PLEADING, I want you to come in here. Come into the dressing room, come on BARGING in. Because you know what'll happen? You'll probably [mockingly] break down and have yourself a little cry, won't you Matt?

Shawn Michaels

Who's your daddy, Montreal? [crowd boos and then chants "you screwed Bret"] Well since all of you have been so respectful to me, I would like to return in kind. [singing] Mi mi mi mi...O Canada, how I hate this place, O Canada, I'm gonna kick Hulk Hogan right in the face...all right. I'll admit it. I'll admit I'm no singer. [crowd chants "asshole"] But what I am is the showstopper, the headliner, the main event, the icon of the WWE, yours truly, the Heartbreak Kid, Shawn Michaels. [crowd boos] Hulk Hogan, at SummerSlam, I promise, no better yet, I guarantee...I guarantee Hulk Hogan, at SummerSlam, I will give you and the WWE fans something to remember. And of course, all of you here in Montreal know that I am all about... [crowd chants "asshole"] you know I'm all about giving you memories. Survivor Series 1997. [crowd boos] I handed Canada's own, Bret "The Hitman" Hart, [crowd cheers] his most miserable defeat. [crowd chants "we want Bret"] You want Bret? [crowd cheers] You're not gonna get Bret, because I screwed Bret. I did it once, and I'd do it again! If Bret "The Hitman" Hart had any guts, and he walked down that aisle tonight, stepped into this ring, and looked me eye to eye like a man, I'd say "Hitman, I screwed you once, and I'd screw you again." Because Bret "The Hit" [suddenly Bret Hart's music hits and the crowd erupts, but nothing happens for several seconds]

Jim Ross

My God, what's going on here?

Jerry Lawler

Well, I, it's Bret Hart!

Jonathan Coachman

I have no idea!

Ross

That's Bret "The Hitman" Hart's entrance music! [Michaels mocks Hart's pose]

Lawler

Wait a minute, wait a minute!

Coachman

I don't think the crowd knows how to respond, I don't think they know what to do. [Hart's music stops and Bret Hart doesn't show up]

Lawler

Wait a minute.

Michaels

Got your hopes just a little bit, didn't I?

Ross

Damn. Damn you.

Michaels

You will never, and I mean ever hear or see Bret "The Hitman" Hart inside a WWE ring again.

Eric Bischoff

Chris, forget about all that. Because...YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU'RE FIRED!

Jerry Lawler

What?!

Bischoff

You had a job to do, damn it, and you didn't get it done! [Jericho pleads for his job]

Chris Jericho

Give me another chance! I got a plan, he'll be fired! I mean come on! Don't fire me, come on Eric! Come on, we're buddies! We're friends, give me another chance! You know I can do it! Give me another chance! Please Eric!

Bischoff

YOU'RE FIRED! YOU HEAR ME?!

Jericho

NO!

Bischoff

GET OUT OF MY RING! OUT OF MY RING! [Jericho gets on his knees and begs for his job] I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU, YOUR WIFE, OR YOUR DAMN KID! NOW GET OUT OF MY RING!

Jericho

Bitch you don't fire me!

Bischoff

I just did! Security, get him out of here!

Jericho

[security comes to the ring] Don't fire me! Don't fire me, Mr. Bischoff! Please I can do this! No!

Bischoff

Get him out of here! NOW! GET OUT OF MY RING DAMN IT! YOU ARE DONE! FINISHED! GET HIM OUT OF MY RING! [the security officers grab Jericho as he grabs Bischoff's leg]

Jerry Lawler

What are we seeing?

Jim Ross

Jericho begging for his job. He's holding on to, he's holding on to Bischoff's leg, begging to keep his job.

Lawler

I'd never thought I'd see Jericho beg on his knees like this!

Jonathan Coachman

I would never do anything like what Chris Jericho is doing right now. Jericho deserves to be fired. When you don't get the job done. [the security drags Jericho away from the ring]

Lawler

They're dragging him out of Raw!

Coachman

Hey, he had an opportunity. He didn't come through for the boss, thus, he's out of here. [the security carries Jericho as he screams] Chris Jericho is done.

Lawler

They're carrying him out!

Ross

Jericho being bodily carried out of this ring. Chris Jericho has been fired. Chris Jericho is done.

Jerry "The King" Lawler

Uh-oh!

Shawn Michaels

You know, nobody in that locker room has known you as long as I have...you know, and I've always known that you were capable of just about anything, but what you did last week...was too much, Hunter. Was too much.

I'm telling you right now...someday, you're gonna get yours.

John Cena

I don't know you, I ain't gonna judge you, but after last week, you lost some respect.

Triple H

[starts to walk away but turns back to Cena] You know, if I were you, the last thing I'd want to do is get my attention, you know what I mean?

John

You know me. You want some? [taps WWE Championship] Come get some!

Triple H

Don't you worry. When I want some, [angrily points to title] I'll take it!

Jim Ross

Come on! [Triple H grins and walks away] Now - uhh...what was the...? Damn.

Linda McMahon

[rebuffing Vince's assurance that they got the situation under control] Well, Vince as your devoted wife and Stephanie, as your mother, I just simply cannot let the two of you continue this way. Last week, when we returned to USA Network, it was a wonderful opportunity for a new beginning for the entire McMahon family. It was a chance for a clean slate. The only way to garner respect from people is not, Vince, by yelling and screaming, or Steph, by pitching a fit. It's by taking action. [to JR] So, JR, on behalf of the entire [looks at Vince and Stephanie] McMahon family... [long pause] YOU'RE FIRED!! [gives JR a low blow as Vince and Stephanie gleefully mock him bawled over]

Vince McMahon

Eddie Guerrero has passed away. Eddie was in the prime of his life, 38 years old, the prime of his career. So tonight, we celebrate the life of Eddie Guerrero. Eddie Guerrero loved this business. He loved it, he had a passion for it like no one else. Eddie loved to perform more than anything else, whether he was booed or whether he was cheered, he loved to perform for all of you. Eddie's goal every night, Eddie's goal every night was to steal the show. So tonight there's no doubt in anyone's mind that Eddie would want the show to go on and, so it shall tonight as we pay tribute to the memory of Eddie Guerrero. At this time, I would ask you all to stand in silence as we toll the bell 10 times, after which, there'll be a special video presentation. So if you would all please stand. Thank you.

John Cena

Today you're gonna hear a lot of things from a lot of people. Some you like, some you don't. But the one constant you're gonna hear, the one that rings true, more truer than anything else, and everywhere that's said, is Eddie Guerrero was a great man. He uh, was one of the most passionate individuals about everything that he did I've ever met. On a personal level, when I didn't know anything here, he helped me not only as an in-ring partner, but uh, as a father figure. The stuff that you don't necessarily teach. The uh, the hip tosses and bodyslams. Eddie Guerrero went past that and taught me to find this. [gestures to his heart] That's through all his, his technical prowess, that's what Eddie had best. He had this. And he taught me to find it, he taught me to embrace it. Good, bad, or indifferent. My condolences go out to the Eddie Guerrero family, and I know those in the locker room who were close to him. Chavo of course, Chris Benoit, Rey Mysterio, Dean Malenko. Eddie was a man of faith, so I know he's in a better place, but selfishly, every single one of us will miss him. We love you Eddie.

Shawn Michaels

My memories of Eddie Guerrero have nothing to do with wrestling, nothing to do with the ring, because I never wrestled the man. It's all about faith. Eddie and I had a lot of wonderful talks about our faith, we were both born-again Christians, and the one thing I do know, we are assured of, that Eddie's last breath here was his first breath in eternity; and Eddie Guerrero and "The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels will someday get to wrestle in what is the very biggest stage of them all and it isn't WrestleMania, it is in the heavenlies in front of a crowd of one, and that is the lord of lords and the king of kings, Jesus Christ. And I want to thank Eddie Guerrero for always being there to be able to share that common faith with and to let him know that he did something that nobody has ever been able to do in the history of this business, and that is bring everybody in the WWE, from the top man to the bottom guy, bring them all together in prayer in the name of Jesus, and Eddie Guerrero left his last and greatest witness here with us today. And Eddie, I want to say God bless you and I will see you again, my friend.

Eddie Guerrero, my brother, mi carnal del alma...I know you're listening to me while I say these words. Putting wrestling aside...got a lot of good memories, that you left behind in my heart. Not only for me, but for my family, my son Dominik, my wife...your family and my family bonded real good. I'm gonna miss you; I miss you right now. I wish you were here with me. Wish this thing was, was a whole dream, and I can wake up and...you were still here with us. Everybody misses you, Eddie.

Chris Benoit

Eddie Guerrero is my best friend, and um I'm sure there's a lot of people that he knew that would be able to say the, the same thing about him. He was such a beautiful person, such a kind-hearted person, um, I couldn't find the, the right, I couldn't find the words, words couldn't describe what, what kind of a, a human being Eddie truly was. Um, I'd, I've known Eddie for just about 15 years and spent a good portion of those 15 years with him on the road. Uh, we'd laugh together, cry together, you know, fought each other, but we've, we've been up and down each and every mountain, each and every highway. Um, and Eddie, Eddie, Eddie always led by example. You know he, he was, he was the one friend that I had that I, that I could go to and pour my heart out to if I was going through something, if, if, if I had a personal issue or a personal problem, he was the one guy that I could call and, and, and talk to, and, and know that he would understand and, and he would, he would, he would talk me out of it, you know, because of, of all the experiences that, that he'd been through. I, I believe in leading by example, and Eddie always led by example through his life. Through, through, the obstacles that he went through and, and, and conquered and became a better person, and, and he'd often use that as an example. Um, a lot of times we'd, we traveled on the road together, so, and, now on the road, it's so chaotic and so, I mean, from the time we got up in the morning, we'd be 2 hours behind schedule. But we, it was fine because we, we'd pull up to a gym and we'd find ourselves sitting outside the gym for up to an hour, hour and a half, just talking. We'd just sit there, sit in the car, talking. Talking about life, talking about the past, present, future. We'd just talk about life. Eddie was, was that, that kind of friend to me. And, and not only then, but you know, after the show, it was, it'd be, it'd be 1 in the morning. And we'd be sat in a car till, you know, 3 in the morning, talking about life, talking about things and issues and problems and, and, um, everything. We'd talk about everything. And, we never, we never left each other without telling each other that we loved each other. And I, I, I can truly say that I, I love, I love Eddie Guerrero. He's, he's, he's a man that, that, that I can say I love. And I love his family. And my heart and my thoughts and my prayers go out to his wife Vickie, Shaul, Sherilyn, and Kaylie. I can't imagine the sorrow that, that they're going through right now and, and the emotions that, that they're feeling. But I want them to know that my, my prayers and my thoughts are, are with them. And Eddie, I, I know, I know that, that you, you're in a better place. And I know that you're looking down on me right now. And only know that I love you, and I miss you. [breaks down crying] Eddie you made, you made such a great impression on, on my life, and I want to thank you for everything you've ever given me. And I wanna thank you from my heart, and tell you that I love you and I'll never forget you, and that we'll see each other again. I love you Eddie.

Vince McMahon

All right. Well as, as promised, as promised, [throws the microphone]

Jerry Lawler

Well, looks like the sound man is gonna be fired tonight as well! [McMahon demands a new microphone] Oh ho! [A technician hands McMahon a new microphone] You hand Mr. McMahon a microphone, you don't throw it at him!

Jonathan Coachman

You don't throw it at all.

Well as promised, last week we took out the trash! [crowd cheers] That's not some sort of bait and switch technique, not some sort of adoration. Last week, I fired Eric Bischoff's ass. And I can tell you this, Eric Bischoff is gonna stay fired. Not withstanding that, I'd like to thank Eric for his contributions and I'd like to wish he and his family a very merry Christmas.

Coachman

That's very sincere.

Lawler

He's a very warm man.

Now of course everyone's been asking me, Mr. McMahon, who's gonna be named the new general manager of Raw? I have some suggestions on that matter. Matter of fact, a number of individuals come to mind who are imminently qualified. One might be um, my daughter Stephanie McMahon.

Lawler

Whoa!

My son Shane McMahon! It might be one of those individuals, it may not be. There was some guy knocking on my door all afternoon trying to get in for an interview. The hell is his name? He wanted to be general manager, Theo Epstein. Then again, maybe not. Hell if Ted Turner wants to get quite, quote, back in the rasslin business, it could be Ted himself. It could be one of you.

Lawler

Oh!

Just ribbing, it's not gonna be one of you. I can tell you. But nonetheless, tonight, the interview process begins to determine the general manager of Raw, or I can tell you, an individual has been, has been assigned tonight to be the interim general manager for tonight, and that individual is thought of as a business icon. He's thought of as a creative genius, and one handsome virile son of a bitch.

Lawler

Uh-oh.

And that would be me, Vincent Kennedy McMahon.

Lawler

I knew it!

So tonight, I'm gonna take up where Eric Bischoff left off when Eric named the Elimination Chamber to be the main event at New Year's Revolution. By the end of tonight, we will know every member, every individual who will qualify to be in that Elimination Chamber. Because we're gonna begin with elimination matches here tonight.

Lawler

Uh-oh.

That's gonna be great.

By the end of the night, all five individuals will have qualified to be in the chamber and face WWE Champion John Cena. And with that in mind, we will start with our very first qualifying match right now, and by the way, you will note, during this individual's entrance, you the audience, will not be censored. Thank you very much. Have a good night.

Kurt Angle

Last week, I watched WWE's Tribute to the Troops, and it brought a tear to my eye. Seeing the WWE superstars interact with the men and women protecting our nation really brought some things into focus. It truly made me realize how proud I am...that I didn't go on that damn trip to Afghanistan. [crowd boos] Don't even get me started on our soldiers. They sit around and complain that the people back home have forgotten them? You're damn right they have, 'cause you haven't done a damn thing since you've been over there! I mean come on! You build a couple of schools and you think you deserve a medal?! News flash, that's your job! You know who's been forgotten? Kurt Angle. You never heard me complain about waking up at 5 in the morning for ten solemn years, to win this country a gold medal in the Olympics, with a broken neck, only to come back home and hear the audience chant, "you suck!" The same audience that wants me to give up my precious time to visit a bunch of soldiers who cry about being far from home?! Hey guys, WAKE UP! There hasn't been a draft since Vietnam! You all volunteered for this, idiots! So keep your mouths shut and do your DAMN JOB! Nobody paid me for the sacrifices I made to go to the Olympics, unlike the men and women of the military. That's right, they get paid. Hell, they probably couldn't get a job back at home anyway. And if I have to hear another story about "my poor baby daughter who I left back at home, wah wah wah wah", hey, you chose to leave because you couldn't handle the responsibility. And now you have the audacity to bitch about it! EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU, AND ANYONE WHO SYMPATHIZES WITH YOU, MAKES ME SICK!

Jerry Lawler

Let me just say this: uh, during the break, I apologized to the fans here; right now, I wanna take this opportunity to apologize to you, Joey Styles, my fault, just trying to have a little fun, it got out of hand! I'm sorry, come back out and let's finish the rest of this show. My bad. Come on, Joey. [the crowd cheers] Come on, Joey! Come on back out here! [as Joey marches back out into the arena] Come on.

You want to apologize? Like nothing happened. Like you didn't knock me on my ass in front of millions of people worldwide, and I'm gonna come down there and work with you? I'm not coming back, and now, thanks to the magic of live television, I’m gonna show the whole world why for seven years in ECW, I was the unscripted, uncensored, loose cannon of commentary! Six months ago, WWE called me! I didn’t call this company because I was looking for a job. I didn’t need a job. WWE called me, because they had humiliated and fired, again, Jim Ross. So I get JR’s spot, and from WEEK ONE, week after week, I've got an ongoing lecture about the differences in professional wrestling and sports entertainment. I'm not allowed to say "pro wrestling", I'm not allowed to say "wrestler"; I have to say "sports entertainment", and refer to the wrestlers as "superstars". I'm told to deliberately ignore the moves and the holds during the matches so I can tell stories. Well, ignoring the moves and the holds is damn insulting to the athletes, the wrestlers, not the entertainers, who leave their families 300 days a year to ply their craft in that ring! So here’s the best part. Because I’m not a sports entertainment storyteller, I get pulled from WrestleMania, and the reason I’m given is, is because I don’t sound like Jim Ross, who’s the guy they fired in the first place, that makes sense, right? So I swallow the bitter pill, I’m a company guy. I get bumped from WrestleMania. Then I get bumped...from Backlash? I'm not good enough to call Backlash?! In ECW, I called live pay-per-views on my own, solo, no color commentators dragging me down. Wasn't done before me, hasn't been done since! But I'm not good enough to call Backlash because I’m not a sports entertainment storyteller. Well, you know what? I am sick of sports entertainment. I am sick of male cheerleaders! I am sick of boogers and bathroom humor and semen, and I am sick of our chairman, who likes to talk about his own semen, he mocks God - he mocks God! - and makes out the divas all to feed his own insatiable ego. I am SICK of sports entertainment, and most of all, I'm sick of you fans who actually buy into that crap! This sports entertainment circus! [the crowd boos] I never needed this job, and I don’t want this job anymore. [takes the collar bearing the WWE logo off the microphone and throws it aside] I quit! [walks out]

Chill out, champ. In fact, savor the time you have with that title while I explain something here. See I have a shot at the championship, which is something that was not easy to come by. No, in fact, the only way this came about is because I forced it. I won the Money in the Bank match at WrestleMania. Otherwise, I would never have been awarded what I deserve. So I wanna tell you something, John. I'm not gonna waste this opportunity here, where I can, and probably will, get screwed out of what I earned. Instead, I'd like to see this take place somewhere where I'm a lot more comfortable. Somewhere where the conditions work extremely well in my favor.

Jerry Lawler

Wait a minute.

I'm cashing in the Money in the Bank. June 11, at One Night Stand!

Lawler

Wait a minute!

Jim Ross

Wow!

Lawler

He can't do that, can he?!

Ross

Yes he can!

Lawler

Wow! That's...

Ross

He has the opportunity between now and WrestleMania next year. Anywhere.

Lawler

At ECW's One Night Stand?

Ross

Anywhere anytime, King. That's the deal. Pretty smart move by Van Dam. Talk about a home field advantage. He's got a heck of a home field advantage at One Night Stand.