What I'm going to do is go back home and see what's left for me; whether it'll be in this ring... whether it'll be out of this ring. I know that over the, uh, the last several months I've lost a lot of things and one of them has been my smile. And, and I know it doesn't mean a whole lot to everybody else, but it means a lot to me. So I have to go back and fix myself, and take care of myself, and I have to go back and I have to find my smile because somewhere along the line I lost it and I don't care, really, I don't care if it's unpopular, and I don't care if, uh, people want to make fun of me because I'm an emotional guy. But, um, this is all I've ever wanted to do and uh, over the last year I got to do it and whether you like me or not, I just want to tell you that, uh, last year was the most wonderful year of my life. And, uh, if I never do get to do it again, it'll be okay because I got to live one full year as being the number one guy in this business and it was the single greatest year of my life. And I have you to thank, and I have everybody here to thank, and it means a lot to me and, uh, I'm gonna go home now. Okay?
MMcMahon
Ladies and gentlemen, SHAWN MICHAELS!
[after Stone Cold Steve Austin defeats Hunter Hearst Helmsley thanks to interference from Mankind, whom Helmsley hit in the head with a steel chair. Austin grabs a microphone]
I hope he doesn’t say anything to the Canadians.
Get your ass up, you long-haired freak!
MMcMahon
He’s talking - he’s talking to, to Mankind.
AAustin
There ain’t no way one chair can keep your ass down, get in the ring! [Mankind crawls into the ring] You come out here every week, saying “Pick me, Steve! Pick me, Steve!”. I’ll lay it on the line for you, you piece of trash: I don’t like you one bit! But I’ll damn sure go to war with you, if that’s what you want. All you gotta do is shake my hand, and we’re a tag team.
Well, I guess the man with the personality of a rattlesnake is softening a little bit.
Finally Mankind gets what he wants!
All Mankind ever wanted was to be accepted.
[Mankind outstretches his arms]
He don’t want a handshake, he wants a hug!
[Mankind and Austin share a big hug]
MMcMahon
I can’t believe it. Another moment in the WWF. Mankind, now a partner - [suddenly Austin gives Mankind the Stone Cold Stunner] - oh!
No! No! Not the Stunner! Damn him!
AAustin
DTA, you stupid piece of trash! Don’t ever trust nobody! You ain’t gonna be my partner, never, ‘cause you’re a long-haired freak, and you suck! [drops the microphone and raises his arms for the crowd]
MMcMahon
My! Can’t believe that!
[Austin leaves the ring and walks up the ramp to the cheers of the crowd]
Well, if you’d like to have a pet rattlesnake, I’ll give you Austin’s phone number!
MMcMahon
Thank you, no. This capacity crowd-
Mankind [grabbing the microphone]: Austin! Austin!! I was just looking for a little bit of respect. I was looking for a friend, and you’ve ruined that all!!
Austin [from the top of the entrance ramp, grinning]: Damn right!
So it’s become very apparent, that drastic measures will be taken! Because, next week, well, I’m going to have to do something I never thought I’d do again. [Austin leaves] And it will become very obvious that the World Wrestling Federation will never be the same! Steve Austin, you will never be the same! And without a doubt next week, Mankind...will NEVER BE THE SAME!!! [whimpers]
[Vince is bitterly angry that Austin crashed his WWF Championship awarding ceremony for the Undertaker and Kane]
Before I was so rudely interrupted, Undertaker and Kane, we were about to present the WWF Championship. However, if you recall, the deal was, Undertaker and Kane, you would get the title shot as long as you kept Stone Cold Steve Austin away from me. For three times, three times in less than a week, Austin has brutally attacked me!!
So let me say this, you didn't live up to your end of the deal, I'm not gonna live up to mine! [Undertaker glares at him]
What? What is he saying, J.R.?
You're gonna have to fight for it! On the next pay-per-view, October 18, you two are gonna battle it out for the WWF Championship...
That's at Judgment Day in three weeks...
MMcMahon
...whether you like it or not. And by the way, since you can't seem to keep Stone Cold out of your business and mine, good, I'm gonna put him in it. Austin is gonna be the guest referee.
Austin will referee Kane and the Undertaker at Judgment Day.
MMcMahon
And Stone Cold, Austin, I just hope that somewhere, your cellmate is telling you all of this right about now, because I wanna be there to watch him suffer the indignity of having to count one of you two monsters to the WWF Championship.
MMcMahon
However, so that everyone in this arena is not cheated, so that everyone at home watching Raw gets their money's worth, that in this ring tonight, you will see Undertaker and Kane in a handicap tag-team match, against three individuals...
MMcMahon
...Ken Shamrock, Mankind, and The Rock!
Oh yeah! Shamrock, Mankind, The Rock against the Undertaker and Kane here tonight live.
MMcMahon
And maybe, just maybe you could get it right, I'd like to wish you the best of luck. You know why? I think you two are gonna need it because as far as I'm concerned, it's like dealing with the handicapped. One's physical [referring to Kane] and the other is mental [referring to Undertaker]. Good luck to you both.
[Undertaker grabs McMahon.]
You need to watch your ass, because the next time you get out of line with either one of us, you're gonna be the one handicapped, and that I will promise.
NNurse
[to Mr. McMahon] It looks just fine to me. [to a doctor] How about you, doctor?
[disguising as a doctor] I'll take it from here, nurse.
[Austin attacks Vince McMahon.]
MMcMahon
Get him off me! Get him off me!!
AAustin
[mumbles as he strips off Vince's shirt] How about your foot? [attacks Vince McMahon's injured ankle, on a cast at the foot of the bed. McMahon shrieks in pain] What do you think about that?
[Austin slams Vince McMahon with a bedpan, and he falls off the bed]
AAustin
Calling Dr. Austin--Get up, you piece of trash. Get up, you piece of sh- [manhandles Vince back to bed] Calling Dr Austin we got a emergency!
AAustin
[sets up defibrillator] Everybody clear [shocks Vince and stoomps on him on the floor]
MMcMahon
[as Austin bends him over the bed and he gets an enema-like device connected to an IV drip] No! No please no!! No, help me, please!
AAustin
I've always known you were full of shit, Vince. You just bow down. This is gonna hurt you more than it'll hurt me! [kayfabe jams device up Vince's butt. Vince screams loudly] You piece of trash!
[Chyna appears as the last Corporate Rumble entry but Vince McMahon is distracted by Stone Cold Steve Austin]
[sees Chyna] We got problems! Watch out, watch out [as Chyna rolls Vince over the top rope] WATCH OUT!!
[as Shane repeatedly screams NO! seeing Vince whiplashed and sprawled from the bottom rope] There goes the draw! Chyna wins the Corporate Rumble! Chyna is No 30 in the Royal Rumble!
Mr McMahon has been eliminated by a woman!!
Austin made sure that he meets Mr McMahon first at the Rumble!
Austin you'll pay!!!! Austin you're gonna pay at the Rumble!
Steve Austin and Mr McMahon are gonna be one on one at the Rumble.
MMcMahon
I HATE HIM!!! I HATE HIM!!!
Mr McMahon is No 2. Stone Cold is No 1..
MMcMahon
How can Chyna be No 30?!?
The Rattlesnake has struck again.
MMcMahon
Austin will pay for this, I tell you that!
[Aftermath of Royal Rumble. Mr. McMahon and The Corporation explaining the aftermath in which McMahon was the Royal Rumble winner, and that he waived all rights and privileges to face the WWF Champion at WrestleMania. Commentary by Michael Cole and Jerry "The King" Lawler.]
Stone Cold, I told you there was no chance in hell of you winning the Royal Rumble!
I love to hear him say that. That is so great— Say it again!
MMcMahon
And quite frankly, Austin... as far as I'm concerned, you will never, ever again step into the ring with the WWF Champion, much less myself, because you know what, Stone Cold? You've simply run out of chances, Austin.
[The Titantron appears on screen with a familiar voice.]
Hey, jackass, look over the big screen! I'm up here!
MMcMahon
[surprised] Wha—What are you—What are you?
AAustin
[on-screen live via satellite] (Don't) look at me in your side, look at me, you sorry son of a bitch!
MMcMahon
You're— you're up where? Where are you?
MMcMahon
Oh, okay. You're in Texas, I'm in Arizona. That makes sense to me, because I'm sure that you've been humiliated! I'm sure you can't even come out of your house! I'm sure people are coming up to you and saying, "Hey, aren't you the guy— Aren't you the guy that Vince McMahon threw over the top rope?"
AAustin
[grins] Yeah, I think that sounds all— That sounds fine, Vince, but uh, I'll tell you this...I'm going to WrestleMania.
What? Well— I-I guess, as a fan—
MMcMahon
Uh...wha— You mean— You mean you're gonna buy a ticket to go to WrestleMania?
AAustin
No, you dumb son of a bitch, I'm telling you I'm going to WrestleMania to face the champion!
MMcMahon
Uh...no— Well, you must be, chewing on some locoweed or something down there in Texas...
Yeah. [The Rock mocking the gesture based on McMahon's claim]
MMcMahon
...I-I have no idea— I mean...what— What are you saying?
AAustin
Eh, I don't know what you're talking about all this locoweed— all your little crap you're talking about. I'm telling you right now in English: Read my lips if you got a hard time hearing what I'm saying! I'm going to WrestleMania to wrestle the champion! I'm telling you that, but not just me telling you that! [gestures off-screen] The guy right beside me is telling you the same damn thing! [Commissioner Shawn Michaels appears on camera next to Austin]
[overlapping Lawler] It's the Commissioner! Commissioner Shawn Michaels is with Austin!
[McMahon reacts with a gulp.]
[Vince, the Undertaker, and the APA meet the entire WWF locker room]
All right guys, listen up here for a minute, please.
Hey, hey. I'm sure y'all saw what happened here tonight. Look, they still don't damn get it. But you know what, tonight we're gonna show their asses that we mean business. [wrestlers murmur in assent]
These second-rate sons of bitches wanna ride piggyback offa us, 'cause they can't make it on their own? Then tell 'em to bring their little invasion on, because starting tonight, we ain't takin' this shit no more. It's TIME we got knee-deep in somebody's ass! [wrestlers get agitated]
MMcMahon
Guys, let me just say this, that - make no mistake about what's going down here tonight - make no mistake about what's gonna happen this Sunday, 'cause no one in this room has ever been threatened personally...like you're threatened now. None of us have ever been threatened collectively like we're threatened now. This coalition of WCW and ECW - they wanna eat each and every one of you alive. They wanna do it tonight, and they wanna finish us off on Sunday. Now I was hoping that we were gonna have someone with us tonight to lead the way, Stone Cold Steve Austin.
To HELL with all that! I've heard all of that I'm gonna hear. What it's time for is to find out who the phony tough is and who's the crazy brave. Austin - he's made a hell of a name for himself here in the WWF, and now he don't have the heart to go out and to fight for the company that made him? I say the HELL with him! The rest of you, you need to understand this - there's no shame in goin' out and fightin' and gettin' your ass kicked. There's no honor in not fighting at all. So who wants to fight? [wrestlers murmur] WHO WANTS TO FIGHT??!? [wrestlers get agitated and Undertaker quiets them as a staff member brings in Freddie Blassie on a wheelchair]
Gentlemen, there comes a time when every man must fight for what he believes in! [rises from wheelchair] You understand? Now's the time! Get up, stand up, and fight! [wrestlers get louder]
WWrestlers
Fight!! FIGHT!!!!
[at a bar, Austin is so unnerved by footage of the gathering that he moves balls around a pool table and smashes a cue before leaving]
DDebra
Steve! Where are you going??
Well, I suppose congratulations are in order for the WCW/ECW Alliance, for their victory at Invasion. I'd like to remind The Alliance, however, that victory was but one battle. I'm confident that we here in the World Wrestling Federation will win many battles and ultimately win the war.
MMcMahon
However I admit the stealing of Stone Cold Steve Austin was like dropping an atomic bomb. But then again, if it's nuclear warfare you want, it's nuclear warfare you're gonna get. Because tonight, I'm gonna drop a little bomb of my own. You see tonight, I'm gonna do something I should've done a long time ago. Tonight, I'm gonna lift the suspension of a certain WWF superstar.
MMcMahon
Tonight, tonight I'm gonna reinstate a certain WWF superstar. Tonight, I'm gonna reinstate The Rock!
Listen to that ovation for The Rock!
MMcMahon
I know, I know that just because, just because I wanna reinstate The Rock, I know that doesn't necessarily mean The Rock will come back to the WWF and come back to action. Because if The Rock, if The Rock chooses to come back to action, he does so not because of Vince McMahon, but in spite of him. But knowing that, Rock, I've got a challenge for you, Rock. You've never backed down from a challenge before, so here goes. You know Rock, should you decide to come back to the WWF, I've gotta wonder, Rock, can you still bring it? I've gotta wonder Rock, whether you can still layeth the smackdown. And Rock can you still raise the people's eyebrow, Rock? And, and drop the People's Elbow, can you do that Rock? Rock let me ask you, Rock do you still consider yourself the people's champion? Rock are you still worthy of being called the most elecrifying man in sports entertainment today? If you are Rock, then listen to me. Listen to me damn it, Rock, I know, I know you're watching this tonight. Now wait a minute. Don't listen to me. Listen Rock, in Buffalo, New York, Rock, Rock! They're chanting your name! They're chanting your name Rock! Can you hear it Rock? Can you hear it?! Well Rock, on behalf of the millions, AND MILLIONS, of your Rock's fans, Rock come back! Come back Rock, because once again, we want to smellalalalalala, what The Rock is cookin'!
Ever since last Monday night, the question that seems to be on everyone's mind is, is Stone Cold Steve Austin really gone? Sadly, sadly the answer to that question is yes.
MMcMahon
I know, I don't like it any more than you do. The other question on everyone's mind is, one day, will Stone Cold Steve Austin be back in action in World Wrestling Entertainment?
MMcMahon
I sincerely hope so. Quite frankly, I really don't have the answer to that question and I'll tell you why. See, Austin has a lot of explaining and a lot of apologizing to do before he comes back. Austin, when he walked last Monday, it wasn't the first time he walked out on us. It happened once before, the day after WrestleMania, when Austin packed his bag without notifying anyone. He simply packed his bag and went home. He was scheduled to be on Raw just as he was scheduled last Monday. Austin stayed home for approximately two weeks claiming he was burned out. All right, you can understand being burned out. We all have been burned out from time to time, and given the enormous contributions that Austin made, and has made to our company, all was forgiven, two weeks later Austin came back to work. Nonetheless, in my mind, Austin owes an apology for walking out to every superstar in that locker room. Austin owes an apology to the company he helped build. Austin owes an apology to each and every one of you for walking out on you. I don't know if Austin's ever gonna come back to action or not. [crowd chants "Austin"]
You can tell JR, that the fans want him back.
MMcMahon
Last Monday, Austin was in town, he was scheduled to be on Raw as I said, and a number of us attempted to speak to him on his cell phone. He refused to take our calls until finally, after repeated attempts, Austin took one call. That was from that man right there. [points to Jim Ross] Austin's friend, Jim Ross. JR pleaded with Austin, since you're in town, don't walk, simply just come to the arena. Sit down and discuss your grievances as a man. Austin didn't do that. JR's plea fell on deaf ears. And quite frankly, Austin's actions both personally and professionally are certainly uncharacteristic of the man we all know. Nonetheless, Austin, as an adult, should and will be held accountable. We have to move on as a company without Austin. And move on we will, we have to. We have no alternative. We'll develop new stars, new matches, new concepts, even this Sunday's King of the Ring winner will automatically face the champion at SummerSlam. Austin is gone, but clearly Stone Cold will never, ever be forgotten. I know that in Austin's heart, he wishes every superstar in the locker room well. He wishes all of you well. And I know Austin wishes even the company that he helped build well. So Steve tonight, wherever you are, I'd like to say on behalf of all the superstars, some of whom are riding your coattails for the trailblazes you made, I'd like to say Steve, to you, on behalf of the company that you helped build, on behalf Steve, of every single fan that you entertained throughout the years all over the world, on behalf of all of us Steve, I would simply like to say thank you. Thank you Stone Cold. Thank you for the memories.
[Shelton Benjamin is in the locker room]
SBShelton Benjamin
Trish! [sees Trish Stratus in a towel combing her hair]
TSTrish Stratus
Hey Shelton.
BBenjamin
What are you doing here?
SStratus
Oh me? I was just taking a long, hot shower. And where you off to, looking so pretty?
BBenjamin
Monday Night Raw? I got a six-man tag match. William and Eugene need me.
SStratus
But what about my needs? What about Trish?
BBenjamin
Oh sugar. Don't worry. You'll find somebody else. I mean, you are the biggest slut on Raw.
SStratus
[scoffs] You're so uptight. You need to loosen up. And I'm just toweling.
What the hell's going on here?! [sees Benjamin and Stratus and is shocked] It's a woman in a towel. I mean, this is unconscionable. Th - this is scandalous. I, I can see the, the moral fabric of America disintegrating right before my very eyes. The sexual overtones, the, the racial overtones.
MMcMahon
Well Shelton, you, you may not realize this but, you're an African-American. And everybody knows African-Americans are attracted to Canadian white women with broken noses. [Stratus adjusts her face mask] No. I'm sorry, but the FCC is not gonna tolerate this, and neither will I. I mean, I'm not gonna have a locker room full of miscreants and deviants. This is the WWE. This is NOT the NFL. And it damn sure is not the NBA. Because of this kind of sexual titillation that will send you and other professional wrestlers up into the stands to, to attack the audience! And if that would've happened, that would be the downfall of civilization as we know it.
BBenjamin
You know what? You really need to lighten up. [walks out]
MMcMahon
But I have a board of directors to answer to. Someone has to uphold the, the, the, the virtue. Is he gone?
SStratus
Yep. [drops her towel as the "Monday Night Football" theme plays]
MMcMahon
Oh my God. [Stratus jumps into McMahon's arms] Oh, oh yeah. Are you ready for some wrestling?
All right. Well as, as promised, as promised, [throws the microphone]
Well, looks like the sound man is gonna be fired tonight as well! [McMahon demands a new microphone] Oh ho! [A technician hands McMahon a new microphone] You hand Mr. McMahon a microphone, you don't throw it at him!
You don't throw it at all.
MMcMahon
Well as promised, last week we took out the trash! [crowd cheers] That's not some sort of bait and switch technique, not some sort of adoration. Last week, I fired Eric Bischoff's ass. And I can tell you this, Eric Bischoff is gonna stay fired. Not withstanding that, I'd like to thank Eric for his contributions and I'd like to wish he and his family a very merry Christmas.
MMcMahon
Now of course everyone's been asking me, Mr. McMahon, who's gonna be named the new general manager of Raw? I have some suggestions on that matter. Matter of fact, a number of individuals come to mind who are imminently qualified. One might be um, my daughter Stephanie McMahon.
MMcMahon
My son Shane McMahon! It might be one of those individuals, it may not be. There was some guy knocking on my door all afternoon trying to get in for an interview. The hell is his name? He wanted to be general manager, Theo Epstein. Then again, maybe not. Hell if Ted Turner wants to get quite, quote, back in the rasslin business, it could be Ted himself. It could be one of you.
MMcMahon
Just ribbing, it's not gonna be one of you. I can tell you. But nonetheless, tonight, the interview process begins to determine the general manager of Raw, or I can tell you, an individual has been, has been assigned tonight to be the interim general manager for tonight, and that individual is thought of as a business icon. He's thought of as a creative genius, and one handsome virile son of a bitch.
MMcMahon
And that would be me, Vincent Kennedy McMahon.
MMcMahon
So tonight, I'm gonna take up where Eric Bischoff left off when Eric named the Elimination Chamber to be the main event at New Year's Revolution. By the end of tonight, we will know every member, every individual who will qualify to be in that Elimination Chamber. Because we're gonna begin with elimination matches here tonight.
JSJoey Styles
That's gonna be great.
MMcMahon
By the end of the night, all five individuals will have qualified to be in the chamber and face WWE Champion John Cena. And with that in mind, we will start with our very first qualifying match right now, and by the way, you will note, during this individual's entrance, you the audience, will not be censored. Thank you very much. Have a good night.
WWE Raw · 371 quotes
