[Aftermath of Royal Rumble. Mr. McMahon and The Corporation explaining the aftermath in which McMahon was the Royal Rumble winner, and that he waived all rights and privileges to face the WWF Champion at WrestleMania. Commentary by Michael Cole and Jerry "The King" Lawler.]
Stone Cold, I told you there was no chance in hell of you winning the Royal Rumble!
I love to hear him say that. That is so great— Say it again!
MMcMahon
And quite frankly, Austin... as far as I'm concerned, you will never, ever again step into the ring with the WWF Champion, much less myself, because you know what, Stone Cold? You've simply run out of chances, Austin.
[The Titantron appears on screen with a familiar voice.]
Stone Cold Steve AustinHey, jackass, look over the big screen! I'm up here!
MMcMahon
[surprised] Wha—What are you—What are you?
AAustin
[on-screen live via satellite] (Don't) look at me in your side, look at me, you sorry son of a bitch!
MMcMahon
You're— you're up where? Where are you?
MMcMahon
Oh, okay. You're in Texas, I'm in Arizona. That makes sense to me, because I'm sure that you've been humiliated! I'm sure you can't even come out of your house! I'm sure people are coming up to you and saying, "Hey, aren't you the guy— Aren't you the guy that Vince McMahon threw over the top rope?"
AAustin
[grins] Yeah, I think that sounds all— That sounds fine, Vince, but uh, I'll tell you this...I'm going to WrestleMania.
What? Well— I-I guess, as a fan—
MMcMahon
Uh...wha— You mean— You mean you're gonna buy a ticket to go to WrestleMania?
AAustin
No, you dumb son of a bitch, I'm telling you I'm going to WrestleMania to face the champion!
MMcMahon
Uh...no— Well, you must be, chewing on some locoweed or something down there in Texas...
Yeah. [The Rock mocking the gesture based on McMahon's claim]
MMcMahon
...I-I have no idea— I mean...what— What are you saying?
AAustin
Eh, I don't know what you're talking about all this locoweed— all your little crap you're talking about. I'm telling you right now in English: Read my lips if you got a hard time hearing what I'm saying! I'm going to WrestleMania to wrestle the champion! I'm telling you that, but not just me telling you that! [gestures off-screen] The guy right beside me is telling you the same damn thing! [Commissioner Shawn Michaels appears on camera next to Austin]
[overlapping Lawler] It's the Commissioner! Commissioner Shawn Michaels is with Austin!
[McMahon reacts with a gulp.]
I don't mean to interrupt, but, I guess maybe I do. This is not easy for me, but...what I'm trying to say...to make a long story short, I need your help.
Stone Cold Steve Austin
You said— You said what? You need my help? Is that what you said?
I need your help. The Undertaker has my daughter, Stephanie, and I need your help.
Stone Cold Steve Austin
You got to clear this up exactly for me. What are you trying to say? Just go ahead and say something, 'cause you ain't making no sense.
Well...this isn't— It's not anything personal. I know that you don't like me and I know you never will.
And the feeling is somewhat mutual, but...it's not about you and me. This is personal and it involves my daughter Stephanie. And Steve, you can help me.
Stone Cold Steve Austin
With all due respect, to you and your little daughter— Hell, son, I've got a million problems of my own. So as far as I'm concerned, I really don't give a rat's ass about your problems.
But Steve, The Undertaker has made...he's made some demands. He's asked for some documentation and that's all right with me, I don't care about the documentation. But he's made other demands. He's demanded that, instead of me delivering the documentation to him, he's demanded that you deliver that documentation to him, and if you do that I really believe that everything will be fine with my daughter Stephanie, and I think you can understand from my point of view as a father.
Stone Cold Steve Austin
What you're saying is— What you're saying is Vince McMahon needs Stone Cold Steve Austin! That's what you're saying?
Stone Cold Steve Austin
So if that's true...if that is true that Vince McMahon needs Stone Cold Steve Austin, then that's what I want you to say to me. Say it to me: "Vince McMahon needs Stone Cold Steve Austin."
Vince McMahon needs Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Stone Cold Steve Austin
That all sounds real good Vince, but hell, you must think that I have a real horrible memory because the last 15 months, every single night I come to work, you see fit to put my life, make my life a living hell, and I will give you credit, you have done one helluva job.
Well Edge, first of all, congratulations on defeating William Regal last night at Vengeance. And if you don't mind me saying, you totally reeked of awesomeness.
Thanks Coach, but I can't take anything away from Regal. He's tough, and he brought it last night. He almost escaped with my Intercontinental Championship. But you know what? He didn't. And I have a message for Mr. William Regal. [mock English accent] You don't have one of these to hold up your trousers, do ya? Have you kissed any bums lately? You bum kisser! You cheeky monkey! [makes kissing sounds, then William Regal knocks Edge out from behind]
WRWilliam Regal
Not so bloody funny now, are you?
With the brass knucks! Regal just cheap shotted Edge with the brass knucks!
Steve Austin
What? What? What? What? Y2J is the undisputed champion? Y2J was declared the winner at Vengeance? Vince McMahon and Booker T screws Stone Cold? Vince and Booker T screws Stone Cold? I said Vince McMahon and Booker T screws Stone Cold? After last night, I sat there and I thought about it and I said, "Stone Cold, there's no use in sitting there crying, whining, pissing, moaning." So I asked myself, I said, "Stone Cold, do you want Y2J or do you want Booker T?" So while I was trying to make that decision, I drove over to the Sonic Drive-In, ordered a jalapeno burger, a chicken-fried steak sandwich, a chili cheese dog with extra onions, french fries, tater tots, washed it down with one beer, two beers, three beers, a shot of whiskey, a margarita, and a Bloody Mary, and I said, "Stone Cold, why have one when you can have them both?" Booker T, you show up tonight with Vince McMahon and you got security guards. You got your guard dogs. You got your pepper spray. So you can sit up there in your stupid little skybox and you can watch Stone Cold Steve Austin kick the crap out of Y2J in a steel cage. Y2J, you said you're calling Stone Cold a little trooper? Tonight, Stone Cold Steve Austin, I ain't gonna be no little trooper, and since we're right here in Anaheim, California, Hollywood is right there in the road. So tonight, Chris Jericho, Stone Cold Steve Austin is gonna make you a star. No, he's gonna make you a superstar. No, just like you said, he's gonna make you a super-duper star because you're gonna get the starring role in the movie I'm directing, and the name of that movie is, "My Name is Chris Jericho, and I'm Getting My Ass Whipped in a Steel Cage." And when it's all said and done, Chris Jericho, Stone Cold Steve Austin is gonna take his undisputed championships and walk out of this ring. And that's the bottom line because Stone Cold said so.
[The Dudley Boyz just trashed 3-Minute Warning for almost beating up Classy Freddie Blassie, but....]
Stone Cold Steve Austin
Whoa whoa whoa, stop it right there. Stop it right there. Classy Freddie Blassie got something he wants to say.
AAustin
You heard the man. D-Von get the table!!! [Dudleys prepare the table for Rico]
Stone Cold Steve Austin
Cut that music! Now Eric Bischoff may have made the main event at SummerSlam Triple H versus Goldberg no disqualification for the World title. Now I can't change that match, but, I can damn sure add to it.
AAustin
So this year, at SummerSlam, your main event will be Triple H versus Goldberg, [crowd chants "What?"] no disqualification, World title, but, also in the same match, will be Chris Jericho...
AAustin
Randy Orton, and Shawn Michaels.
AAustin
Because, the main event, the World title, will be defended, at SummerSlam, in an Elimination Chamber!
Oh my gosh, Elimination Chamber match?!
Stone Cold Steve Austin
It turns out Eric Bischoff made a decision regarding the World title at WrestleMania, but I guess, uh, he was too afraid to come out here and tell you to your face because maybe he might piss you off. But since I don't give a rat's ass what you think, I'll come out here and make the announcement myself. So for the first time in history, the World Heavyweight Championship will be decided at WrestleMania, Madison Square Garden, March 14, in a Triple Threat match.
AAustin
Triple H versus Chris Benoit versus Shawn Michaels. And that's the bottom line, 'cause Stone Cold said so!
WWE Raw · 371 quotes
