Mr. Carlson quotes from WKRP in Cincinnati

Listen, Venus, how do things look in the black community?

Venus

Oh, same old thing. Big lush lawns, manicured hedges. Living's easy. Fish are jumpin', cotton oh 'bout so high... Daddy's rich. I suppose you don't wanna hear about my momma, huh?

Well, let's hear it.

Les

Well, we were all right here, just as we are now, discussing this new show with Sparky, except you didn't look like yourself, Mr. Carlson. You looked more like a large... muffin.

Jennifer

Muffin?

Les

Yes, a nice breakfast muffin. And you said that you had an exciting announcement.

Well?

Les

Well, you sang it. [Singing] "I'm a big fat muffin that loves to eat, a big fat muffin that has no feet. But most of all, I'm a big fat muffin that loves to explode." And then you did.

Bailey runs a television station in Chicago. Travis is breeding guard dogs in New Mexico. Venus owns a clothing company called "Upwardly Mobile." Jennifer married and bought herself an entire island off the coast of Sardinia. Les Nessman? The Republican whip of the United States Senate!

What about you and me? Fever and me?

Well, Fever just sort of ... disappeared. There were rumors, of course, but really not much else.

And me? No no, don't tell me, I don't want to know. I'm dead, aren't I?

I can't wake up...

I know.

Scrooge could wake up!

Scrooge didn't eat one of Johnny's brownies.

Andy

Half the time you can't even hear the lyrics.

Well, these people, these CURB monitors, they figured out the lyrics.

Johnny

They sure did! Boy, I can see 'em now, huddled there in the corner of the church, playing every record slower and slower... then suddenly, "there's a naughty word!"

Jennifer

Johnny Fever has come into a great deal of money.

That soft drink machine break again?

Next week I'll just take a little vacation, take Herb and Les with me - maybe Johnny too, you can never tell what he's gonna do...

Andy

Wait a minute, you can't just clear out the station!

Why not? Just bring him here, introduce him to Jennifer, she'll wink at him a few times and he goes home.

Andy

And what if he is a she?

Well then you wink at him.

[on the phone] Thank you very much! It's nice talking to you too! Bye!

Jennifer

Who was that?

My mom.

Jennifer

Really!

Yeah. She was pleasant! No guilt feelings! Something's wrong, of course. She's dying.

I didn't join that sorority, because...

Because you felt sorry for me.

No! Because to get in I had to show up with a loser, a dip, a clown.

Thanks, Carmen!

And one minute after you picked me up, I knew you were none of those things. You were for me.

Where do they go, anyway, Travis?

Andy

What's that, sir?

The donuts. When I eat those suckers, they go straight for my beltline. When you eat them, apparently they turn into hair.

Well, Herb, what do you think? What we have here is an ad for Soul Suds Shampoo, a shampoo that's exclusively marketed to the hip black customer. Am I right?

Herb

Yes, sir.

Then why are we looking at a picture of this really idiotic-looking white man?

Herb

[into the phone] You call yourselves printers? There were fifty photos of a black guy in a tuxedo holding a bottle of shampoo, and one photo of a white guy barbecuing, and you used the white guy! ... I don't care which photo I marked. I made the mistake and you people were supposed to catch it, that's what I pay you for. Don't you remember? I screw up everything! You should know that if it comes from me, it's wrong!