Dr. Johnny Fever quotes from WKRP in Cincinnati

Johnny

How can you do that? How can you put a dollar value on your sister's company? And, more importantly, how much?

Andy

Thirty bucks.

Johnny

What's wrong with your sister?

Johnny

Any signs of senility?

It's all around, Venus.

Venus

I'm Venus.

Then who's he?

Venus

That's Johnny.

The black guy?

Venus

No, I'm the black guy.

Oh, excuse me.

Johnny

[singing Peggy Sue by Buddy Holly with a hospital mask on his face until he notices Venus entering the room] Hi.

Venus

Hi.

Johnny

How's it goin', Trap?

Venus

I'm lost.

Johnny

So am I, but I don't care.

Johnny

You used to be a good disk jockey, man. 'Course, that was when you were black.

Venus

You want to be Acting Program Director? You want to argue about something you don't care about with someone you agree with?

Johnny

Do you understand what you just said?

Venus

Not a word.

Andy

Heat, there's no heat!

Johnny

No kidding there's no heat! It's because Mr. Carlson's mother is here. She walks in, everything freezes. She is the Ice Queen! She has powers beyond any mortal woman!

Why don't you shut up and play the Village People?

Johnny

Jam it, pizza face.

Les

Somebody must have jimmied the lock!

Johnny

[looking where Les's walls would be] Jimmied it? I think they took the whole door!

Les

Johnny, my space has been violated!

Johnny

Congratulations! It's about time.

Andy

Half the time you can't even hear the lyrics.

Well, these people, these CURB monitors, they figured out the lyrics.

Johnny

They sure did! Boy, I can see 'em now, huddled there in the corner of the church, playing every record slower and slower... then suddenly, "there's a naughty word!"

Andy

We have a responsibility to our listeners!

Johnny

Right! If I die, who's gonna teach the children about Bo Diddley?

Johnny

Well?

Venus

Well what?

Johnny

Well, go back in there and get the albums.

Venus

Need I remind you that the police are going to search every inch of this station, including your desk drawer?

Johnny

I'll go get those albums.

Johnny

[after hearing the sirens] It's the phone cops. They know what I did here today.

Venus

What are you talking about?

Johnny

They're coming to get me, man!

Venus

That's paranoia, man!

Johnny

Wake up, sucker, this is the phone company we're talking about! They see everything, they know everything, they got their own covert police force! I'm probably wired for sound right now! I gotta get out of here!

Venus

Johnny!

Johnny

Don't use my name!!

Les

Johnny! Venus! You're alive!

Johnny

The newsman's eye. You just can't fool it.

Les

Well, that's wonderful.

Venus

Gee thanks, Les.

Les

Of course, I'll have to update my story. How'd you like it, Andy?

Andy

How'd I like what, Les?

Les

My four o'clock news report. Didn't you listen?

Andy

Les, the transmitter blew up!

Les

Of course! That was my lead!

Johnny

You led off the newscast by telling them that we're off the air?

Les

No. But I can include that in my update.

Andy

You're paranoid.

Johnny

Hey, Travis, when everybody is out to get you, paranoid is just good thinking!

Les

[pointing at the stairs] Do these lead upstairs?

Johnny

It depends on which way you're going.