Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego? · Season 1
You know, Gumshoes, they say sometimes that dreams can answer questions. Well, I happened to have a dream last night that could probably give you some answers if I can just remember... how that went... that crazy... dream...
Oh, so confusing. Robo's in two time zones. 4:00... Sioux Falls... 3:00... Badlands... What? Missouri River? No. No! Can't swim. Can't swim! (wakes up) Waaauuuggghhh! Waaauuuggghhh! Waaauuuggghhh!
Oh, whoa, rough night. Heh-heh.
Now, we found this next informant slinking around an orchard. Watch.
I sssssaw that clanky guy. He was trying to sssssell a calendar in Jerusalem. That's the Jewish homeland. But they use the Hebrew calendar. They sssay it goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden. Sssounds about right to me. Wanna bite?
Go south of Israel along the Red Sea. I want you to head for Mecca. It's the Arab city where Mohammed was born.
Clarify. Who is Mohammed?
You tinhead. He's the founder of Islam, one of the biggest religions in the world. Stop outside of the city, though. You can't enter if you're not Muslim.
Acknowledged. When do I arrive?
In the Islamic year of 1412.
Isn't that 579 years ago?
No. In Mecca, it's right now.
Now, bad news, Gumshoes. Uh, we didn't get--
Will you knock it off down there?!
Oh, no. That's my upstairs neighbor, Mrs. Pumpkinclanger. (enters the alley and looks up at Mrs. Pumpkinclanger)
I'm sick of your noise! He went here. He went there. Look on the South Pacific island of ʻEua. Just west of the International Date Line, for goodness sakes! It's close to Samoa. Now, go get him and stop making such a racket! (shuts her window)
Isn't she a sweetheart?
(Contessa sings in Italian)
You'll be singing a different tune when ACME nabs you.
(gasps) Mama Figimasta! What should I do?!
Head for the west-African coast. You can park the Opera House on the Goree Island. You'll love the French restaurants and the beautiful beaches in this town.
It sounds delightful!
Yes, it is. Just be sure to brush up on your Wolof. It's the nation's main indigenous language.
Carmen, you make me crazy! Every day, with the brushing up! What am I?! A criminal or a translator?!
Contessa, darling, you're going to be an inmate if you don't hurry up. Now get moving!
Back when I was a little Chieflet, I used to take opera lessons. I practiced every evening, while I helped out at my father's China shop. (sings opera) Lamu. Lamu. La-MUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(lots of things in her office break)
(the audience laughs)
But as soon as I started getting the hang of it, Dad made me give it up and take mime instead.
(about the Great Salt Lake) You couldn't sink in this water if you wanted to.
(Barry enters the room dressed as Santa Claus followed by Scott dressed as an elf)
Jingle bells! Jingle, jingle bells, jingle bells...
Looks like we have Special Agent Claus with us today.
I'm really T'd off this time. I'm really T'd off! That Robo creep is gonna get coal for Christmas this year! First, he stole the North Pole, and then he's in my summer house in Turku, on the shores of the Gulf of Bothnia. First, he scared the reindeer, and then he turned off the northern lights. Ooooooh... I'm mad! (he and his elf return to the alley)
Okay, okay. Ooh! I'd hate to rile that guy! Not a good idea.
Made it. I've vaulted across the Atlantic to the Garden State.
Listen up. They're on to you. Hotfoot it over to the University and blend in at the game.
Game? What kind of game?
You know, football. When you get there, hide in the ivy.
But I'm not in that league.
Just do what I tell you. Leave the thinking to me.
Hey, guys. What's the Word on the Street?
The word is "49,000".
Hey! That's not a word. That's a number!
There's a 49,000-year-old meteor crater near the city of Flagstaff, and it's in the 49th state, Greg.
Hey! No, it's not. It's in the 48th!
Guys, guys, guys.
Sorry, Greg.
It's okay. (exits)
Bye.
What you have to do now is track Carmen Sandiego through 7 different countries, identifying each country with a marker. If you're right, you'll hear this sound. (siren sounds) But if you're wrong, you'll hear this sound. (BUZZER!) Now, if you're wrong 2 times, don't worry about it, leave the marker where it is, go on to the next one. But if you're right 7 times, within 60 seconds, then you're gonna win that trip to wherever you wrote down in that portfolio just a minute ago. Sound okay to you?
Yeah.
Greg (to the audience): Sound okay to you, guys?
YEAH!!!
I want results, Greg! I want you to find Patty! I want you to bring back that pooch! Lhasa Apsa... What's his name?
Lhasa Apso. Yep.
Yeah. If you get Patty, she will lead us to Carmen Sandiego, and that's what I want! Now, report, Buster!
Okay. Well, we had a talking yak for a while, which kinda threw us for a little bit. But...
All right. Wait. I'll sweeten the pot for the Gumshoes. (to the Gumshoes) Gumshoes, find Carmen, and I will send you anywhere in the whole country.
Uh, Chief.
What?
(whispers) We can't do that.
Why not?
We're talkin' 'bout budget. (whispers an idea to the Chief)
Oh. (to the Gumshoes) Anywhere in the lower 48 states.
Hey!
(the audience cheers and applauds)
Hey, it's still a heck of a deal!
Heck of a deal!
Yeah. (to Greg) Go away.
Yes, ma'am. Okay.
(he exits the office)
Everything's okay.
If it isn't too much trouble, please bring 100,000,000 lire to the Via De La Scrofa. I'll be enjoying fettucine at Alfredo's. If I don't get the money by the time they serve the cappuccino, Apso will become a little dog gone. Molto grazia. I mean, thank you so very much. Ciao!
Hmm. Nothin' like a polite threat!
Chief, d'you have any money?
Aunt Carmen, they're closing in fast. What should I do?
Hide on the world's largest island. Then rent a dog sled. That's how some of the children get to school there.
Sounds cold.
It is. Most of the island is covered by ice a mile thick.
Anything else I should know?
Yes, dear. Brush up on your Danish. The island is a province of Denmark.
(about Scott the Dying Informant, prior to the 2nd round) He's really starting to annoy me.
Head for Kyoto. When you see fire on a mountain in the shape of a symbol for big, you'll know you're there.
Sounds like fun. What's the occasion?
It's the Daimonji festival. The end of the Bon season. When the spirits of the dead return to earth.
Geez, sounds kinda scary to us, Carmen.
Don't worry, it's a celebration.
Hey, celebration's our middle name.
(refers to the St. Charles Streetcar Line) Take a ride. It's absolutely stellar. (imitates Marlon Brando) Stella. Stella! STELLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
(the audience laughs)
This is Lynne Thigpen speaking for Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?, and remember, if you get robbed, don't worry, Jack. We'll find your stuff and give it back!
All geographic information were accurate as of the date this program was recorded.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego? pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
