Listen, I understand why that ankle bracelet means so much to you. I mean, Henry was your first love. I never had a first love... 'til you. So keep it.
I'm your first love...
And hopefully my last. I can't keep going through this.
S4The Perfect Date (1)
S4Halloween (2)
LOOK AT ME! Okay, now I'm going to a singles party dressed as a naughty flight attendant, so I can find someone to "fly" me. Yes I'm actually going with that line.
H-hey... sourdough crackers from France, huh! Ohlala...
Hmm, never had one of those before.
I know, first time, a lot of pressure.
It's just a cracker.
Yeah, I know, I know, it's just I've had a lot of other crackers and I've never loved any of them...
I'm sure it'll be fine...
But I want it to be more than fine, I want it to be everything you've ever dreamed of.
How's that gonna be?
I just don't want you to be disappointed!
I won't be!
But what if you are?!
Screw the cracker!
I CAN'T!
What are you doing here? You're supposed to be at the firehouse. Holly is in Vermont. I was supposed to be alone tonight, peaceful and happy, like how I was before the incident.
Oh, you mean the drunken marriage incident?
Can you not use the full title? Because that makes me look bad...
Okay, stop it! Charlie, Vic can't be your best man. See, we're married.
What? You married your brother? (to Vic) Can you do that now?
Charlie?
Urggh! And we made out! You're sick, lady!
Val, didn't you just hear Charlie? I mean, I have said the exact words to you, "We're soulmates. I know things happened fast, but we were meant to be. I know in my gut, you're the one for me." I mean, we were even wearing the same outfits.
No, your cape is black, his was red.
Look, Val - I finally get it, okay. I get why you keep keeping fighting us, I get why you keep pushing me away. I must look like a nut to you, too.
Well, sometimes you feel like a nut.
Holly, there's something I have to tell you and it's really embarassing.
Tell me - you know, you can tell me anything.
I just wanted tonight to be so perfect and I got... poison ivy.
What?
Yeah, I got it bad and you can't touch me - it's highly contagious.
Oh, let me get you some-
No, I'm just- I'm just gonna sleep it off.
You can sleep off poison ivy?
Starve a cold, sleep off a poison ivy!
Why doesn't Val love me? I mean, okay, I'm not her brother, but I have other things I can offer - children with one head.
(his cell phone rings) Oh, hey - hold your pain.
And why did you lie to me? I checked out your body last night when you were sleeping and you don't have any red dots or hives or bumps, and I checked everywhere.
I feel so violated...
S4Someone's in the Kitchen with Daddy
All right, here's your crap. Now get out.
Honey, your dad is coming all the way from Japan. Why can't I meet my father-in-law?
Because your father-in-law doesn't know he's a father-in-law. And he ain't goin' find out because you're not coming back until he's gone.
Okay, so what you're saying is, you want me back.
Who am I kidding? My dad's going to love you. Even if your pants have holes... and cheese?
Crap! I'm wearing my cheese pants!
Dad, I want you to meet my boyfriend.
(holds out his hand) Uh, this isn't pee, I was just wiping off cheese.
(doesn't take Vince's hand) You'll forgive me. Pleasure to meet you, Henry.
(Holly shakes her head)
Ben.
Actually, it's Vince.
I'm making a joke...
Vic? Vic! Have you met Val's-
Personal trainer! What are you doing here, personal trainer?
Uh, well, we have the appointment for personal training.
Uh, well, I'm going to have to cancel that, seeing as my dad's here. I won't be able to see you all week.
You have a personal trainer? What a great idea...
Why, do you think I'm fat?
(loud whisper) What is wrong with you?
(loud whisper) Me? What is wrong with you?
(loud whisper) I just want five minutes alone with Dad so I can show him what a success I've become.
(loud whisper) Well, I really want him to like Vince, and Vince has already made a horrible impression!
Okay, you're not whispering.
Don't you have a client there tonight, trainer?
Yes, but you just cancelled.
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