TV show quotes
(Robbie walks into Tori's house looking beaten)
Robbie, what happened?
I went to the playground, I got off my bike, I yelled "Hey, kids, who wants some free ice cream?" And then their mothers chased me into an alley and beat me with sticks.
Sticks? (Jade chuckles)
One big mom stepped on my neck.
Ya gotta love big moms.
(everyone is at Tori's looking for letters)
K.
A.
A.
A.
H.
K.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Cat, what'd you say?
When?
Just a second ago.
(pause) I said "when."
No, before that.
Oh, I said "H".
H?
H? Yes! (everybody runs to Cat)
She's got it! She got the H!
(laughs) I feel so loved.
(enters) Hey.
Where's the ice cream?
Yeah. Didn't you get some more?
Nope. Check Ke$ha's last update. (Tori, Andre, Jade and Cat grab their phones)
(reads the update) "Congrats to the dude in Northridge who found all the letters and spelled out Ke$ha. Thanks for playing. Ke$ha later."
Contest over.
Great. I spent nine hours of my life violating pints of ice cream for nothing.
Well I got stick beat by vicious mothers.
(sadly) I hate everything.
(stands up) Well... (goes to Tori) ...don't be sad.
I am sad, cause I didn't marry a prince and I don't live in a magic sugar castle, and now, we can't win the Ke$ha concert which means that I gotta keep being Trina's stupid assistant for 28 more days.
That's so sad.
Come on. It's okay. Maybe...maybe Trina will just forget about it.
I need "e$h" real bad.
I need the S! [starts whimpering and despairing on Andre's shoulder] Where is the S?
[hugging Tori] I don't know baby, I just don't know.
(the gang with the exception of Robbie and Rex are at the convenience store searching for the "$" to finish spelling "Ke$ha")
(frustrated after opening the Funky Nut Blast can) No. It's just a dumb... H.
Well maybe there's another pint.
(looking in the ice cream freezer) There's not. That's the only Funky Nut Blast.
(Tori leans against the freezer, starts whining, and then slides to the floor)
(concerned) Tori.
We're in public. Please.
(the kid at the store gives his conditions for giving them the "$")
(pointing at Tori) I want to kiss you.
What?
(pointing at Cat) And her.
(Cat giggles)
(pointing at Jade) And the freaky one.
What?
You better stop there.
Tori (locks kid out)
(yells) HEY!
Kiss the shrub!
Ke$ha, wait.
No, you're weird.
[stops Trina] Trina! Ke$ha, I am so sorry about her.
Is she your sister?
Yeah.
I'm sorry for you.
Everyone is.
[touches Tori's cheek] Are those real cheekbones?
Yeah.
I'm playing Susie, right?
(Sikowitz nervously hems and haws, then runs from the room. Jade picks up the paper with the roles)
Did you get the lead?
(Jade angrily crumples paper and kicks a chair)
I don't think she got it.
So, who's playing Susie?
(uncrumples paper) Me.
Yeah. Her. That! She got the lead!
What part did you get?
I got cheated and humiliated!
You get used to it. (Robbie nods)
Alright, chill down. Let's see. It says right here, "Jade West, understudy for the role of Susie".
Oh, yee hoo. Like it's my dream to be Tori's understudy.
What's an understudy?
Aw, man! (throws cup against the wall)
An understudy is like a backup actor.
So if you get sick or something, your understudy takes over for your part in the play.
Yeah, if you get sick, or go missing, or GET HIT BY A BUS! [storms out]
[nervous] Uh... (Jade breaks something) she can't drive a bus, can she?
One time my brother painted part of his body purple.
Why did your brother paint part of his body purple?
He had a job interview... (smiles) He didn't get it.
There's a car parked in Robbie's butt!
Quit saying that!
(to Jade) Are you his girlfriend?
No, are you?
That is some juicy coughing and hacking.
Get out!
No! I'm leaving. [leaves]
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