Kate quotes from United States of Tara

Kate

Do I need to take a piss test?

Kate

Yeah that's me, I am a working girl now.

Kate

Got it, like Barbie - no holes.

Kate

(to Marshall) I saw your girlfriend earlier, did you kick her like a meth habit?

Kate

Let's see you took every single thing from my favorite place in the world and made it yours so ya know I think I will pass.

Marshall

Mom?

Kate

No. Mom keeps her ass-crack in check. It's "T".

Marshall

[He turns around and sees a pink thong] I can see that now.

Tara

[as Alice] What is it?

Kate

Just having a weird day.

Tara

Well, snap yourself out of it. We're here to have a nice dinner.

Kate

I don't wanna have a nice dinner.

Tara

Kate, I know you aren't fond of me, but I'm concerned about your development as a young woman, just like your mother. You're promiscuous. You aren't guarding your flower.

Kate

What do you want, Alice?

Tara

I want to let you know that even though I deeply disapprove of the way you carry yourself, your mother loves you very much.

Kate

[scoffs] Yeah?

Tara

Yes. She wants you to know she didn't mean to over react about those pills you brought home. She just doesn't want you being "intimate" at your age. Because she had you at 19 and that was quite a hardship.

Kate

I'm not a hardship. I'm awesome.

Tara

You're a graceless ingrate, ha.

Kate

You mean a slut? A girl who likes boys, who lets boys know she likes them? A girl who orgasm's, who moans and moans and screams in ecstasy? A girl who sucks and fucks, a girl with absolutely no back-door shyness?

Tara

That's it! I'm going to wash your mouth out with soap.

Kate

Ha ha! You've got to be kidding me.

Tara

[shoves liquid soap into Kate's face] Try me!

Tara

Why does this feel like a small victory? I bet everyone thought that I would be the one to off myself. But guess what Oak Avenue? The lady with all the personalities is not the most fucked up person on the block.

Kate

You are now.

Max

Who's the parent around here?

Kate

No one!

Kate

Why does Mrs. Butterworth need to be black? And Aunt Jemima too. That's some fucked up racial pancake shit.

Marshall

Mrs. Butterworth isn't black; she's just filled with syrup. She's clear.

Kate

Hmm...she's a clearcasian.

Kate

Do you even know what that means?

Marshall

No not really.

Do you have any cake?

Kate

Cake? Why?

I was hoping you could sit on it.

Kate

Hey do you know anyone who's happy?

Marshall

No.

Kate

I get it your rich - whoop diddly Dee...Zack can have anything he wants.

That remains to be seen.

Tara

Don't forget to be yourself.

Kate

Ha ha and ha mom.