Marshall quotes from United States of Tara

Marshall

You're fucking face is the fucking gay size.

Marshall

People don't know I'm gay unless I'm blowing them.

Marshall

God stop with your pimping actions - just let a young man live his life.

Marshall

[Looking at the camcorder's viewfinder that shows a zoom-in on Neil's exposed ass-crack above his trousers' waistline] That's not an ass-crack, it's a full-blown *ass-chasm*.

Max

Where's Mom?

Marshall

I'm not sure if Mom's here. I mean-Mom's here but I don't know if "Mom"'s here.

Tara

Am I high?

Marshall

Maybe a little bit.

Tara

Listen, I want to thank you for being such a strong, supportive kid. I'm lucky.

Marshall

We're lucky, Mom. Because of you, we get to be interesting.

Tara

Do you like being interesting?

Marshall

I love it!

Marshall

Mom?

Kate

No. Mom keeps her ass-crack in check. It's "T".

Marshall

[He turns around and sees a pink thong] I can see that now.

Max

Hey buddy, just in time for a little Billy Jack time.

Marshall

Starting to hate you.

Kate

Why does Mrs. Butterworth need to be black? And Aunt Jemima too. That's some fucked up racial pancake shit.

Marshall

Mrs. Butterworth isn't black; she's just filled with syrup. She's clear.

Kate

Hmm...she's a clearcasian.

Kate

Do you even know what that means?

Marshall

No not really.

Why can't you come clean with me?

Marshall

Just because I don't share every single thought in my head about you does not mean that I'm a liar! You want to know the truth? Here it is. This was never a real relationship! You are so fucked up in your head that you just don't get it! You're so afraid of finding out who you really are. You'd rather be married to someone you KNOW is gay than risk being rejected by someone who could actually love you!

Marshall

How could I love you, Courtney? I'm embarrassed for you! But I didn't say anything, because I didn't want to hurt your feelings. Because I am a decent human being. Because I've learned in my life that as much as I want to tell my sister that she's not as clever or special as she thinks she is or tell my aunt that she's a pathological narcissist or tell my dad to wake up because my mother's D.I.D. disease is just going to bury us all. It's better to keep my goddamn mouth shut!

Max

Oh nice going, Marshall! I hope you like your new foster family!

Lionel

What did you guys do together anyway? It?

Marshall

Just kiss and a... little dry humping.

Lionel

Must've been tough to stay dry.

Marshall

Nothing too splashy and in your face?

Lionel

I might be splashy and in your face if you're not too careful

Kate

Hey do you know anyone who's happy?

Marshall

No.