Undeclared quotes

[to Rachel] I wrote a poem about my job, okay, and I-I really, really think that this will really help you in your situation right now, okay:

Marshall

Hey, do you know how to do laundry?

Rachel

Hey, could you do me a favor? Could you hold my hand?

Marshall

Yeah. Sure, sure, sure.

Rachel

It's just... I'm having a panic attack and it usually goes away if I hold somebody's hand and I tell them I'm having a panic attack.

Marshall

OK. OK.

Rachel

I got... I gotta get outta here.

Marshall

Uh, no, no. It's OK. It's OK. Um, I'll distract you. Um, I'm studying music. What's your major?

Rachel

I don't know yet. I haven't decided.

Marshall

You haven't picked a major yet!?

Rachel

[Frantically] God, what are you trying to do to me?

Lloyd

You know what, Hillary, I.. we can't do this.

Why?

Lloyd

Um... Because I have herpes.

So what? I do too! Everybody does!

Lloyd

Yeah, I know, but um... you know what? I-I just... You're an RA, I'm a student, what if someone was to see? I don't...

I'll go fast, like a man, just give it!

Eric

I was at work today, and I thought of the coolest idea. I'm gonna start my own internet! It's awesome! I'll tell you why. Because first of all, the regular internet is too crowded. And second, my internet will be for people who might not have computers, and we'll mail you your email through your regular mail!

Steven

What are you doing?

Lizzie

What?

Steven

Having sex isn't exactly breaking up with him.

Lizzie

I know. But it wasn't like that. It was like we were saying goodbye.

Steven

So you did break up with him?

Lizzie

No. But on a deeper level, it felt like we both knew it was the last time.

Ron

My favorite film is You've Got Mail...You got Tom Hanks. You got Meg Ryan. You got a very likeable Greg Kinnear. You think you're better than it... this movie is gonna suck... then you watch it and it becomes a part of you. It's in you.

Steven

Well I have to find a job or else you guys will be looking for a new roommate. My dad Forgot to pay the tuition.

Ron

Okay. Got it, I saw this in a film, you are a student by day and a lustrous man prostitute by night.

Ron

Tell you what, free or not, I can't eat another bite.

Marshall

Hey dude, what's up?

Steven

Well, I have to find a job, or else you guys will be looking for a new roommate. My dad forgot to pay my tuition...

Ron

Okay, I got it. I saw this in a film. You are a student by day, and an illustrious man prostitute by night.

Marshall

Hey! Dude, I could totally hook you up with a job in the cafeteria, man! Boss totally loves me, dude!

Steven

Uh, no thanks, I think I'll pass. I'd rather be a man whore than work there. No offense.

Marshall

No, no, it's cool.

Steven

Oh, is that jello, could I have some of that?

Marshall

No, you can't.

Ron

Thank you. I thought he was fattening me up to eat me or something. Ridiculous.

Lloyd

It's never too late to make a new beginning.

Lloyd

Did you ever think that maybe the entire way you looked at the world was wrong?

Lloyd

I don't know anything anymore.

Rachel

These herbal remedies totally work. And they're all natural, from the earth!

Ron

Like one time I, uh, I ate grass until I puked like a dog and then I felt like so much better. Like that, right?

Marshall

You're really smart.

Rachel

Thanks.

Marshall

And you're pretty. You're smart and pretty... Like a dolphin.

Marshall

Adam Sandler I just, uh, I just want you to know that, um, I'm a really big fan.

Thank you.

Marshall

Yeah. Especially Billy Madison.

Oh yeah?

Marshall

That was like... that was like punk-rock.

[laughing] I guess so.

Marshall

But like everything after that, though, I just -- I just didn't like, you know what I mean.

Ron

[Running down the hall yelling] I am the king! I am the king! I am the king! Do you know my name? Do you know it? I don't care, cause Adam Sandler knows it man, he knows it! I'm the chunky guy with glasses! Right here!