Undeclared · Season 1
[to Rachel] I wrote a poem about my job, okay, and I-I really, really think that this will really help you in your situation right now, okay:
If you enter my room full of tears
My hope is that you will leave with a smile.
If you enter my room glowing with love
My hope is to share in your warmth.
So when you're feeling low
Just knock on my door and say, "Hello!"
Hey, do you know how to do laundry?
Hey, could you do me a favor? Could you hold my hand?
Yeah. Sure, sure, sure.
It's just... I'm having a panic attack and it usually goes away if I hold somebody's hand and I tell them I'm having a panic attack.
OK. OK.
I got... I gotta get outta here.
Uh, no, no. It's OK. It's OK. Um, I'll distract you. Um, I'm studying music. What's your major?
I don't know yet. I haven't decided.
You haven't picked a major yet!?
[Frantically] God, what are you trying to do to me?
[Hillary kisses Lloyd]
You know what, Hillary, I.. we can't do this.
Why?
Um... Because I have herpes.
So what? I do too! Everybody does!
Yeah, I know, but um... you know what? I-I just... You're an RA, I'm a student, what if someone was to see? I don't...
I'll go fast, like a man, just give it!
I was at work today, and I thought of the coolest idea. I'm gonna start my own internet! It's awesome! I'll tell you why. Because first of all, the regular internet is too crowded. And second, my internet will be for people who might not have computers, and we'll mail you your email through your regular mail!
What are you doing?
What?
Having sex isn't exactly breaking up with him.
I know. But it wasn't like that. It was like we were saying goodbye.
So you did break up with him?
No. But on a deeper level, it felt like we both knew it was the last time.
My favorite film is You've Got Mail...You got Tom Hanks. You got Meg Ryan. You got a very likeable Greg Kinnear. You think you're better than it... this movie is gonna suck... then you watch it and it becomes a part of you. It's in you.
Well I have to find a job or else you guys will be looking for a new roommate. My dad Forgot to pay the tuition.
Okay. Got it, I saw this in a film, you are a student by day and a lustrous man prostitute by night.
[Ron and Marshall are eating free cafeteria food.]
Tell you what, free or not, I can't eat another bite.
Hey dude, what's up?
Well, I have to find a job, or else you guys will be looking for a new roommate. My dad forgot to pay my tuition...
Okay, I got it. I saw this in a film. You are a student by day, and an illustrious man prostitute by night.
Hey! Dude, I could totally hook you up with a job in the cafeteria, man! Boss totally loves me, dude!
Uh, no thanks, I think I'll pass. I'd rather be a man whore than work there. No offense.
No, no, it's cool.
Oh, is that jello, could I have some of that?
No, you can't.
Thank you. I thought he was fattening me up to eat me or something. Ridiculous.
It's never too late to make a new beginning.
Did you ever think that maybe the entire way you looked at the world was wrong?
I don't know anything anymore.
These herbal remedies totally work. And they're all natural, from the earth!
Like one time I, uh, I ate grass until I puked like a dog and then I felt like so much better. Like that, right?
You're really smart.
Thanks.
And you're pretty. You're smart and pretty... Like a dolphin.
Adam Sandler I just, uh, I just want you to know that, um, I'm a really big fan.
Thank you.
Yeah. Especially Billy Madison.
Oh yeah?
That was like... that was like punk-rock.
[laughing] I guess so.
But like everything after that, though, I just -- I just didn't like, you know what I mean.
[Running down the hall yelling] I am the king! I am the king! I am the king! Do you know my name? Do you know it? I don't care, cause Adam Sandler knows it man, he knows it! I'm the chunky guy with glasses! Right here!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Undeclared pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
