Steven Karp quotes from Undeclared

Steven

[Holding an armful of condoms] Well, I think I have enough condoms... for tonight!

Steven

[Fighting with Hillary] You're not my stepmother! You are not my stepmother!

Steven

What are you doing?

Lizzie

What?

Steven

Having sex isn't exactly breaking up with him.

Lizzie

I know. But it wasn't like that. It was like we were saying goodbye.

Steven

So you did break up with him?

Lizzie

No. But on a deeper level, it felt like we both knew it was the last time.

Steven

Well I have to find a job or else you guys will be looking for a new roommate. My dad Forgot to pay the tuition.

Ron

Okay. Got it, I saw this in a film, you are a student by day and a lustrous man prostitute by night.

Ron

Tell you what, free or not, I can't eat another bite.

Marshall

Hey dude, what's up?

Steven

Well, I have to find a job, or else you guys will be looking for a new roommate. My dad forgot to pay my tuition...

Ron

Okay, I got it. I saw this in a film. You are a student by day, and an illustrious man prostitute by night.

Marshall

Hey! Dude, I could totally hook you up with a job in the cafeteria, man! Boss totally loves me, dude!

Steven

Uh, no thanks, I think I'll pass. I'd rather be a man whore than work there. No offense.

Marshall

No, no, it's cool.

Steven

Oh, is that jello, could I have some of that?

Marshall

No, you can't.

Ron

Thank you. I thought he was fattening me up to eat me or something. Ridiculous.

Lizzie

How did you get so smart?

Uh, I uh, I read, I read like 8 or 9 books a week.

Rachel

Wow!

Steven

Told ya.

I also do a lot of speed. All the time.

If you want, I could set you up with somebody, man. Yeah, matter fact I, I know somebody you might like.

Steven

Really?

I'm telling you, he'll fulfill your every need.

Steven

He? He. Thank you, but I'm sorry, uh, I'm not gay.

That's okay, man, neither is he. See, his name is Jesus.

Steven

Christ.

Yeah, see you know his name! Say it again, wear it out!

Steven

I'm exploring my options.

Lloyd

Okay, Lizzie... Your right hand. Those are your options.